


Bad Times at Eagle Peak Springs

by ThirdRateDuelist



Series: Win/Lose/Draw [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Denial, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, M/M, Slow Burn, also other ships but same deal, other characters too but they dont have much screentime in comparison, sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirdRateDuelist/pseuds/ThirdRateDuelist
Summary: "Well, your delivery needs work," Jounouchi told him, still laughing, "but your material is hysterical.""I wasn't joking, moron."Jounouchi laughed harder. "No," he finally groaned, running his hands through his hair, "no, you weren't."---Kaiba enters a couples only tag-team tournament. Jounouchi finds himself entering with him.
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler & Kaiba Seto, Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Kaiba Seto
Series: Win/Lose/Draw [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649866
Comments: 204
Kudos: 377





	1. You Can't Make an Omelette

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first creative writing piece I've started in around ten years. I also haven't finished watching the show yet, and started this around the beginning of battle city, so it's going to be a little wavy on the whole ''''''canon-compliancy''''' front. consider this canon divergent. I was simply so absolutely appalled by the fact no one else seems to have written this that I had to make an attempt. Enjoy.
> 
> i don't know what a DSOD is and at this point i'm too afraid to ask

The temperature was almost warm enough to be comfortable, the time almost eleven in the morning, and Seto Kaiba almost at the point of impatience.

On a normal day he would have already been in his office for three hours, but anticipation of the coming days had resulted in a certain restlessness and an itch in the fingers. Unable to concentrate at his desk on the finer, less exciting details of CEO work, Kaiba had elected to wait for Yuugi at the KaibaLand airstrip. He had sent Isono to pick him up from his grandfather's shop, deciding against going himself - he would be spending enough extracurricular time with Yuugi as it was. The flights from Japan to America and back would be long enough to add an extra day to the trip even with the high speed of the Blue Eyes jet, and they would be sharing accomodation too. While he respected Yuugi as a rival duelist, Kaiba did not relish the prospect of spending an entire week with him. But to Kaiba’s displeasure, he could not fight at Battle Paradise alone. 

Once a village in the Sierra Mountains, Eagle Peak Springs had become bankrupt, bought out, and was now built up into a romantic getaway resort. The three Michelin star dining and spa facilities held little interest for Kaiba, but the recently completed Duel Monsters arena and celebratory opening tournament did. Why it was decided to host any form of dueling competition at a couples retreat, let alone build an arena there, Kaiba neither understood nor wanted to understand. It hardly mattered. He was just irritated by the minor obstacle it formed to him entering. 

Battle Paradise was a tag-team tournament. And given the nature of the resort, some genius at the top had decided it should be couples only. 

It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t like the venue could actually screen people who weren’t romantically involved from entering, but what infuriated Kaiba more was this notion of dueling as a romantic pursuit. Yuugi and his troupe’s yammerings about ‘friendship’ and ‘the heart of the cards’ were ridiculous enough - Duel Monsters was about strategy, about power, not any of that asinine bullshit - but this? This was worse. 

As idiotic as Kaiba found it all, he was still the world’s former number one duelist and the CEO of KaibaCorp, and he was not going to pass up a chance to demonstrate his superiority. Still, he couldn’t go alone. That was where Yuugi came in. If Kaiba was going to fight alongside anyone, it should at least be someone on his level. 

From his roost in the pilot’s seat Kaiba observed the road, the distant skyscrapers of Domino City overlaid with the writhing of KaibaLand's roller-coasters. Gozaburo expressed a myriad of objections to his person from the pilot's radio with no regard for the fact that he had been dead for nine years (or six, depending on how you counted). As per usual Kaiba ignored him, focusing on the sound from the park. The screams of delight drifting on the May breeze that cooled Kaiba's skin were far more gentle on the ears than his hallucinations. 

He checked his phone. 10:57 am. 

It would be grating to spend seven days with him, but Yuugi was by no means an intolerable person. That group of companions of his wouldn’t be joining him at any rate, and Kaiba breathed a sigh of relief at that - if those idiots were a factor Kaiba might have considered finding some other second rate duelist rather than spend any length of time in their vicinity. Mokuba still saw them sometimes, and occasionally they would turn up at the mansion for some gathering or other, but Kaiba himself remained in contact with Yuugi only and did his best not to remember the rest of their names. There was the friendship girl, the white-haired one… the only one whose name always stuck was the ignoramus, Jounouchi, and that was a minor catastrophe.

The idiot’s singular talent was for getting under Kaiba’s skin, and it was a talent he wasn’t afraid to make use of. Kaiba was still reeling from their last interaction; he had arrived home in the later hours to find a social gathering well underway, one which for some reason required the giggling idiot and his nondescript friend to cook their way through the majority of his fridge. When Jounouchi had presented him with a pan of some inedible concoction with a bow and cry of “Here are your eggs, sir!” Kaiba hadn’t lost his patience so much as had it ripped forcibly from him and thrown into a woodchipper. Yuugi had attempted to cover up his amusement, but Mokuba hadn't.

Shaking his head a little, Kaiba checked his phone again. 11:01 pm. He tapped at the screen with impatient fingers, but before Kaiba could press call there was a millisecond of electronic noise and he was pressing answer. 

"Yuugi. You're late."

At almost the exact second he spoke Kaiba spotted the car, currently miniscule but growing larger. Isono with his prospective dueling partner. 

"Not quite, Kaiba." Yuugi's deep voice rang clearly through the speaker, and although it was solemn and apologetic, Kaiba somehow got the impression the usually contrite man was smirking. How absurd of him. "I am sorry I will not be joining you after all, but my Grandpa has just been kidnapped and I must save him."

_Again? _thought Kaiba. "Again?" responded Kaiba. 

"It's not like he can help it!” came Yuugi’s indignant reply, his voice squeakier than before, and Kaiba briefly wondered why the man was employing that strange alternation tactic of his in this conversation. He wouldn’t ask - Kaiba didn’t acknowledge this pathetic method of intimidation while dueling, and he wasn’t going to acknowledge it now. “And it hasn't happened to him nearly as many times as Mokuba!" 

Unable to scowl at Yuugi himself, Kaiba directed his face of displeasure at the vehicle still heading towards him, presumably now to drive him away. Folding his legs down from where they had been propped up on the pilot’s dashboard, the world's former number one duelist used his skills at multitasking to enter the anger and bargaining stages of grief at the same time. Being on a schedule, he didn’t have the time to do them individually.

"Can't you rescue him after the tournament?" Kaiba found himself saying, unable himself to tell if he was joking or not. This was putting a serious damper on his plans. He could aid Yuugi using his technological prowess and the KaibaCorp funds and facilities at his disposal if need be, but it would likely take long enough that they'd miss at least the first day of dueling. It could take just as long, even longer, to secure a replacement partner.

Yuugi sighed. "No, Kaiba, I can't put off _rescuing_ _my Grandpa_ for a week to go to a Duel Monsters tournament." 

"You've done it before, Yuugi," Kaiba deadpanned, and ignored the indignant protests of _that was different_ on the other end of the phone. He recalled Mokuba's lectures on civility. It had been a while since Kaiba had gone on a rescue mission - thankfully they'd stopped being a frequent necessity of his life as his little brother had gotten older, bigger, taken up various martial arts, and learned how to use a gun. Kaiba brought his fingers to his locket. "Do you want my help with this?" he asked. 

"Thank you, Kaiba, but that will not be necessary." 

"Very well. I shall send out instructions to give you access to KaibaCorp resources should you need them."

"I'll call you or Mokuba if I need you," Yuugi assured. "I just wanted to apologise for not being able to make it. Besides," that suggestion of a grin appeared in Yuugi's voice again, "you can't come with me when I already got someone to go with _you_! He’s an accomplished duelist and I think you’ll work well together.”

For someone in the middle of a crisis, Yuugi was strangely perky, and Kaiba found himself filling with inexplicable fear not for Yuugi's grandfather, but for himself. 

The black car was almost at its destination. Kaiba eyed it with the narrowed lids of a duelist who had just watched their opponent set a card face down. It wasn’t, Kaiba reflected, a particularly accurate metaphor. In reality, it was more like Yuugi had set a trap card a month ago and it had taken him until this moment to realise.

“Plus, you already know each other!”

The car pulled up beside the jet and Kaiba’s new dueling partner and companion for the next seven days emerged in a cacophony of blonde hair. Kaiba had never believed in things such as higher powers, but he briefly suspended this disbelief to curse any that were listening. 

Yuugi was still talking. “I know you’ve had your differences, but I think you and Jou could really get alo-”

Kaiba hung up on him.

***

Greeting pleasantries of little substance and even fewer words were nodded (Isono and Kaiba), awkwardly waved (Jounouchi to Kaiba), and glared (Kaiba to Joubouchi) from the cockpit to the ground and Jounouchi’s luggage was quickly stored within the bowels of the jet under Isono’s direction. Kaiba barely had time to consider the pros and cons of simply taking off by himself to an undetermined location before his one-time classmate and all-time object of derision was clambering into the cockpit behind him. The sound of Isono driving away without any instructions to do otherwise barely registered under the abrasive, loud voice that quickly filled the air. 

“Hey asshole, long time no see - wow there’s a lot of wrappers back here. I know richies don’t know how to clean up after themselves but I had you pegged as a neat-freak. Invent a bin that zaps them or something. Nice plane by the way, this is a new version isn’t it? The chemtrails come out of the Blue Eyes’s butt?” 

It seemed spouts of verbal diarrhoea was a condition Jounouchi still suffered from, having clearly exchanged his health for the ability to live without oxygen long ago. Still refusing to turn around, Kaiba sank back into his seat and directed his eyes towards the pale sky as he responded. “Vapour trails, moron, and no, they do not. That would be undignified.” A messy smudge of cloud drifted into vision. Seven days of this ahead of him. Joy. “You can complain about the mess to Mokuba, that’s his seat. The chute is to the right of you, waste is converted to fuel. Somehow I feel explaining how it works would be a waste of breath.” 

There was a sarcastic "ha ha," followed by a quiter exclamation of “fucking _ neat,_” followed by the rustling of metallic wrappers and a metal flap banging. “Yeah, 'cause making yourself a jet plane in the shape of a dragon is the height of dignity, gotcha. I mean it’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen but you don’t gotta pretend there's anything respectable about it. Trash thing's cool though, didn’t know you did that kinda stuff. Hey Kaiba,” Jounouchi’s voice suddenly emanated from right next to Kaiba’s poor, defenseless ear, “there a toilet on this thing?”

Turning, Kaiba found himself looking up into a pair of deep brown eyes. He was also aware of an arm draped across the top of the seat’s back for support, hand resting just behind his head a millimeter from his hair, its presence detering him from leaning away. Unintentional, no doubt - Jounouchi had never had much respect for personal space, never had a problem muscling right up into Kaiba’s face, but it had been some time and he was taken off-guard by the man swinging into proximity, wrapping his body around one side of the chair as he leaned down far too close. In the distance, a couple of children on the Dark Magician's Drop expressed their happiness with some particularly loud shrieks. 

Kaiba found his response, indicating back with his thumb to the door at the back of the cabin. Jounouchi followed the movement, but did not turn away to look, merely nodded his shaggy head. While they had been in each other's vicinity since the various adventures in their teens, Kaiba had done his best to see without looking. Now he reacquainted himself with the physical changes in the years since high school: the stronger jaw, the wispy stubble across it. More prominent nasolabial folds. Multiple ear piercings. The hair was still an unruly mess that anyone interested in chaos theory would kill to get their hands on. For the most part, Jounouchi looked the same as ever: scruffy and bright. He had always had a constant sense of energy about him, a kind of buzzing to his presence that put Kaiba on edge and reminded him of television static. That hadn't changed either. 

The greatest difference was the lack of hostility, but that was only a matter of time. 

And then Kaiba noticed the shirt. “_Eat. Sleep. Duel Monsters. Repeat,_” he read aloud, quickly turning a smirk into a scoff. “I see your taste is as refined as ever, Jounouchi. I suppose I must applaud your efforts - unlike that old rag of yours, this appears to have been washed at some point.” 

Jounouchi’s slight smile instantly turned into a face of exasperated annoyance as he straightened up and away, or as far away he could manage in the small space of the cockpit without moving out of sight. “Bite me, moneybags,” he scowled and rolled his eyes. “And don’t talk to me about ‘refined taste’ when we’re in your dragon shaped jet plane. Besides,” he put his hands on his hips and thrust his chest out proudly, (which given their current proximity Kaiba did not appreciate,) “it’s not Gucci or whatever the hell your identical turtleneck collection is, but my sister gave it to me. It’s gonna give us luck!”

As he spoke, Kaiba caught flashes of silver in his mouth. It seemed his ears were not the only body parts Jounouchi had decided to stick things into. 

Carefully moving his eyes away from the object of mildly-horrified curiosity, Kaiba adjusted the collar of his not-Gucci black turtleneck and raised his left eyebrow exactly six millimeters. "How unsurprising it is to hear you still rely on chance in place of skill," he remarked, turning towards the flight console. Moving his hands across the various buttons and switches he preemptively cut over the angry spluttering Jounouchi was no doubt to produce. “Now sit down. There is a sick bag in the seat pocket. I’d prefer not to spend this flight sitting in your stinking mess.” 

A low humming emanated from beneath them as the Blue-Eyes jet growled into life, mechanical hinges whirring to move the windshield into place and cover them in several layers of stretched acrylic and strengthened glass. Jounouchi, however, remained where he was. He looked at Kaiba with a furrowed brow, arms folded, the sloping cover of the windshield now in place requiring him to hunch over as if injured. 

“You know, Kaiba,” Jounouchi said, voice an angry sigh, “not everyone can build a deck the way you can. Some of us just have the random, shitty packs from the store down the road and have to try and make it work. Which _ I have_. With cards from duelists I’ve beaten, and I think you know that ‘cause I’m standing here in your _ stupid _ dragon jet about to go on some _ stupid _ trip with you to win some _ stupid _ tournament and you haven’t made a single move to get rid of me. I'm trying to get along with you so stop being fucking… _ stupid._” 

Jounouchi did not wait for a response before retreating, dropping himself into Mokuba's seat with an audible whump, while Kaiba's hands remained hanging over the console where they had been paused in their motion. Kaiba could feel the hectic immobility of static emanating from behind him. 

There was an exhale. "Don't fry your circuits thinking about it rich-boy, let's just go."

Jounouchi had a point. They were already behind schedule. Any discussions could be had once they were on their way and the autopilot was engaged. Kaiba resumed his previously suspended animation, eyes flicking between the runway and the flight instruments, and instructed his passenger to ready for take off and not unstrap his seatbelt until given the say-so. Jounouchi muttered resentment at being instructed on the basics of preparing to travel but Kaiba heard a click that sounded suspiciously like a belt only just being buckled. He smirked to himself as he received clearance for takeoff. 

Through the thick insulation of the windshield came the roaring of the engines and the Blue-Eyes jumped into life, the front bouncing slightly as they accelerated from 0 to 153 knots in 12 seconds. Wheels left tarmac and the familiar pressure on Kaiba’s body was just as exhilarating a thousand times later as the ground dropped away around him.

“Are we flying over the park?” Jounouchi asked as the jet began to turn. Responding with an affirmative, Kaiba didn’t know why he was surprised by the other’s dedication to idiotic behaviour when the clattering of a metal clasp hitting chair informed him that Jounouchi had gotten out of his seat while the jet was still banking. The subsequent thud told Kaiba that he had immediately fallen against the window. Steering the jet out of its turn, Kaiba himself turned his head to tell the moron to get back in his seat and was met with the sight of Jounouchi plastered to the window, face and hands against the glass as he beheld the park below: a perfectly crafted, kaleidoscopic network of pathways and amusements, densely populated by people, protected by dragons. Still climbing, the plane flew low past the Blue Eyes Coaster, the group of riders reaching the crest of the big drop whooping at them as they zipped past. 

"Ha! Look at them chasing us!" Jounouchi laughed as a group of kids below ran after the jet to the best of their ability. Kaiba concentrated on flying. "Hey, why don't we take a lap? Give them a show."

Sometimes, Jounouchi _ did _ have good ideas. Sometimes. "Get back in your seat," said Kaiba. 

"Aw," Jounouchi responded. 

When he was safely secured again, Kaiba banked, flying around KaibaLand in a clockwise loop following the park train below. Tilting the jet just enough, they could both look down without having to press against the glass. Despite the cool air conditioning in the cabin, Kaiba felt warm as he surveyed the circulatory system below, crowds of park goers breathing life into his creation. 

Soon, they were back over the main coaster, and it was time to leave.

The dragon climbed steadily north east into pale blue streaked with shreds of white. Before long they would be over the ocean, hurtling towards battle at a speed of 570 knots. The moment he was given the all clear Jounouchi was up again, resting his chin on folded arms on the back of the pilot’s seat gaze at the horizon ahead. His warm breath blew a single hair on Kaiba’s otherwise immaculate head out of place.

“Hey moneybags? Yuugi said there’d be food on this flight.”

Kaiba sensed his asinine grin.

“Any eggs?”

The sound of Jounouchi hitting the window this time was rather satisfying, Kaiba thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins. Hope u liked!
> 
> Again, this is both my first ever fanfic, and my first non-essay writing I've done in a long ass time so lit any feedback is appreciated even if it's just to tell me something stunk. Who would have known that starting yugioh in tyool 2k19 would do this to me. Thank u to my two friends for beta reading despite the fact that neither of them have ever watched it.
> 
> I haven't actually finished the whole thing but as of posting I've got 3 more and another in the oven, so tune in next week (?) to witness Jounouchi find out what he's in for.
> 
> PS. [here are your eggs, sir!](https://peoplegettingreallymadatfood.tumblr.com/post/157051513236/peoplegettingreallymadatfood)
> 
> PPS. i DID make a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5Xp5hjLnDgai5KfArw8pQR?si=b_xaY8V9QhSLND50mOZ4vQ%22)


	2. A Duelist By Any Other Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jounouchi finds out what he's in for. Kaiba gets a text and has trouble formulating a response.

The glass windshield amplified the sun overhead and conspired with the cockpit fans to make Kaiba feel feverish as they passed over the Tone River. The sprawling networks of roads, buildings, and fields below soon giving way to the deep blue of the Pacific, and after approximately an hour and a half of flight (or "stalling," as Gozaburo called it), Kaiba deemed the skies safe enough and transferred control to the autopilot. It was a relatively simple program that would maintain course and speed, and an alert would sound if any input from a human pilot was needed. 

Disengaging the apparatus that kept his seat facing forward, Kaiba swiveled to face Jounouchi, who continued to be incapable of sitting in his seat: he slouched with his right leg slung over an armrest, back pressed into a corner, one of Mokuba's pillows wedged between right shoulder and head. Restless even in his state of rest, he occupied himself with a hair tie that he weaved and snapped around the tips of his left fingers in a knotting pattern that was reset every four seconds, eyes fixed on some indistinguishable patch of sky. If Kaiba hadn't known Jounouchi incapable, he would've assumed him lost in thought. He certainly didn't seem to notice Kaiba's eyes upon him. 

First things first. "How much information did Yuugi give you? Have you updated the tournament office on the change in participants?" Kaiba asked, gaining brief amusement at watching Jounouchi startle out of his not-reverie with enough of a jolt to pull his earbuds out. He raised his head from where it nestled against the pillow, revealing a reddening bruise along his cheekbone from repeated slamming into the side of the plane. 

"Nope, was hoping I could do that on the flight. Aaaaand that you could do it. Yuugi didn't say much, just that it was tag duels somewhere in America and he didn't want you to have to back out 'cause of him. He was in kind of a rush, 'cause, well, y'know," Jounouchi gesticulated vaguely. A smile didn't reach his eyes as he continued, "that's Yuugi for you. Gramps gets kidnapped and he's still got energy to worry about _ you_." He sighed and thunked his head back into the seat corner. "I should be helping him."

"You discredit him. He can handle it."

"That's not the point! He's my best friend and I should be helping him. Instead, I'm here, 'cause he made me promise I'd help _ you_. Least he's got Honda and Otogi, but who knows if they can stop sucking each other's faces long enough to do anything useful," Jounouchi grumbled, putting the hair tie around his left wrist where it joined an assortment of tasteless accessories. "I swear to God being around those two is like… you know how monkeys cling to things? It's like that, only the 'things' are 'each other.' Maybe Honda has hangovers from that time he was a monkey-bot but Otogi has no excuse. Man, I'm glad they're mainly over at his place. Thank fuck for allergies."

It seemed Jounouchi had a few thoughts he needed to get out. Presumably thoughts found themselves unable to cope with the living conditions of the harsh, barren environment of Jounouchi's skull. "Allergies," Kaiba said flatly. 

"Cat allergy," Jounouchi clarified. "Didn't mean to get any, but my neighbour died and I promised her I'd take care of Kunai. Never found another home for her and leaving the window open with her food out attracted two more. They're bastards but I don't have the heart to make them leave. Plus, turns out it was a useful strategic move: Otogi can't get near them, which means he can't come over!" He paused to give Kaiba a smug grin at his good fortune and unfolded himself. "Wish Mitsurugi would stop gifting me catches though. 'Specially the live ones. In my room." 

Jounouchi's face briefly had the countenance of one with the weight of the world on his shoulders, then brightened. "Pets, right? Mokuba told us all about the dog. Surprised you kept it," Jounouchi informed him, perhaps in expectation of follow up. When none was forthcoming, he switched tactics. "Wanna see?" It couldn’t really be termed a question. He was already getting his phone out - an ancient LG with a slide-out keyboard - and Mokuba’s pillow went flying as Jounouchi sprang up to hunch over next to Kaiba and shove archaic technology in his face. Kaiba marveled at Jounouchi’s ability to derail a perfectly decent interrogation on whether or not he knew what he was doing. He swatted away the low-resolution, toilet paper-covered siamese and blamed that ridiculous tongue piercing for hypnotising him into not interrupting earlier. 

“As intriguingly banal as your personal life is, I do apparently have a tournament to contact,” Kaiba said, getting out his superior one-of-a-pair K-Dragon 5.1. “They will need identification, give me your passport.”

“Which one?”

"Either."

Jounouchi rummaged in his carry-on and the fragrance of rotten banana wafted through the cabin. Kaiba thanked himself for air conditioning as Jounouchi emerged with two dark blue passports and handed them over.

Kaiba appraised the first. Surname: Jounouchi. Given name: Katsuya._ (Who called him that?) _ Date of birth: 25 Jan 1996. Registered domicile: Domino City… ah. With a flick of the wrist the Japanese passport hit Jounouchi in the chest and flopped uselessly into his lap. "Expired. Be grateful you're not flying commercial and that arresting you would inconvenience me." 

Ignoring the impressive range of expletives Jounouchi produced as he fumbled to examine his worthless document, Kaiba found the ID page of the American passport. This at least was in-date, but… 

"Whee-ler, Jo-seph," Kaiba read aloud. 

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

Kaiba rather felt his eyebrows were going to get a lot of exercise this week. 

"I have many names," said 'Joseph Wheeler' in a stage whisper, affecting a voice likely intended to evoke mystery and drama. He sounded like he had a cold. Angling his head to look up at Kaiba from under his brows, he created a disturbing expression of which Kubrick would’ve been proud. The effect on his chin was positively frightful. "I am the man of a thousand faces."

"Oh?" smirked Kaiba, photographing the passport ID and blocking out details the tournament office didn't need. "A thousand faces, and you settled on _that_?" 

"Did- did you just call me ugly?" 

"Really now Jo-seph, would I stoop so low as petty insults to your looks?" 

"Yes, you would. Without a doubt you would. Bastard. No appreciation for my ruggedly handsome mug," Jounouchi pouted as he tucked his invalid passport back into his bag. "And don't call me Joseph, that's just fucking uncomfortable."

“As you wish, deadbeat.”

“Much better.” 

Jounouchi sank low in his chair and watched as Kaiba tapped at his phone, the sound of clear polished nails clacking against a glass screen almost lost in the hum of the jet and muffled howling of the wind and the engines outside. The sky was no longer clear, splotched with unappealing clouds arranged in an imprecise manner on a horizontal axis below. A TCAS alert warned of a commercial flight 52800 feet to the north-west, and the autopilot made an adjustment to their path when Kaiba gave it confirmation. Turning his seat back around, Kaiba found Jounouchi hadn’t moved an inch. Possibly not even a millimeter. 

“Soooo,” Jounouchi said, breaking the buzzing silence, “now that you’ve sealed my fate, what exactly am I in for?”

“The tournament is called Battle Paradise and is taking place at a resort called Eagle Peak Sprin-"

"A hotel? Weird place to have a Duel Monsters competition."

"A _ resort, _" Kaiba corrected, steepling his hands and folding his left leg over his right. "They recently opened dueling facilities. Battle Paradise starts in two days, and lasts for three. We land in Sacramento in approximately six and a half hour-"

"We're going to Sacramento?" Jounouchi sat up in an instant. "That's near San Francisco! That's where Anzu's living at the moment! Man, I haven't seen her in like, a year, we should go see her. Starts in two days, you said? There's time." He leaned forward with a grin, resting his chin on his knuckles, elbows on his knees, then seemed to remember who he was talking to. "Well,_ I _ could go see her. _ You _ can go steal candy from puppies or whatever it is you do for fun."

“If you could let me finish,” Kaiba glared at him. It was easy to see why him and Yuugi got along. Yuugi was a modest, sensible man, and Jounouchi spouted whatever blather came to mind. Together, they made a balanced conversation. 

“Right, my bad.”

“We land in Sacramento in six and a half hours, 3:30 am local time. We’ll drive to Eagle Peak Springs the next day." Kaiba paused. When he had propositioned Yuugi a month ago, he had been given a reception of mild humour. Kaiba wasn't entirely sure what to expect from Jounouchi: anger, amusement, awkwardness. He was not a difficult man to predict, except for when he was; his dueling strategies always either simple or nonexistent, except for when they were brilliant. Not even KaibaCorp's most advanced computer systems could predict the way he thought. (Kaiba claimed that Jounouchi's non-inclusion as an AI opponent in any if the star-studded Duel Monster Cup games was due to his lackluster performances. This was only partially true.) Whatever his reaction would be, it would be extreme. 

Kaiba made eye contact with the bridge of Jounouchi's nose. "Yuugi really didn't tell you anything?" he asked. 

Jounouchi blinked at him. 

"The resort," Kaiba continued, eyes unwavering, "caters for and is marketed specifically towards romantic couples." Jounouchi had a pimple between his eyes. Kaiba wanted to scrape it off. "Battle Paradise is therefore a couples only tournament."

Jounouchi blinked at him again. 

"Therefore, we have entered as a," Kaiba paused, the word feeling sickly in his mouth, "couple."

At this information, Jounouchi produced a noise which had commonalities with the caw of a rooster - an abrasive, oscillating, creaking sound that echoed around the cockpit. Kaiba wasn't sure if it was a laugh or a scream. Given Jounouchi's dramatic range, it was rather strange to watch as his mouth moved and his eyes widened while the rest of him seemed paralysed. Jounouchi continued mouthing soundlessly for a few seconds, but then jump-started, huffing out an identifiable laugh and slamming backwards. Kaiba could at least stop looking at the bridge of his nose with Jounouchi's eyes turned safely directed to the blue expanse above, the glare of the sun being left behind them. "Well your delivery needs work," Jounouchi told him, "but your material is hysterical." 

"I wasn't joking, moron."

Jounouchi laughed harder. "No," he finally groaned, running his hands through his hair, "no, you weren't. Fuck's sake. When Gramps gets out of whatever pit he's stuck in he's losing a grandson."

Rather extreme, Kaiba thought, but he understood the sentiment. "They do not, however, require any form of proof of relationship," he commented. 

"Ugh, how the hell would that even work. We make out in front of an admissions panel?" said Jounouchi, rubbing at his eyes. "What a shitshow. Why do you want in so bad? S'not like there aren't other tournaments."

"I would've thought a friendship junkie such as yourself would delight in the stupidity of this concept," Kaiba responded in a measured tone.

"Well, I _ do _ like it," Jounouchi asserted, "working in sync with someone you love, kicking ass as a team… but the fact that you can enter like this ruins it a little for me." He turned his unfocused eyes to the distance for a few seconds before startling himself, targeting Kaiba with an accusatory glare and accompanying angry finger-point. Kaiba gained brief amusement imagining a light bulb flashing over his head. "Wait, _ that's _ why you're entering isn't it! You want to win so you can tell people it’s all fake and everyone but you is an idiot!" 

Kaiba smirked over his steepled hands. "I will neither confirm nor deny these accusations."

“You piece of shit,” scowled Jounouchi, “can’t believe Yuug agreed to this…” 

They sat in silence for a few moments, Kaiba quietly relieved at the end to the questioning and Jounouchi presumably wrapping what mind he had around what he had unwittingly agreed to. Despite his protestations, Kaiba doubted he would back out. He had seen the livestream of his duel with Otogi and the excruciatingly embarrassing aftermath - Jounouchi wasn't someone to turn down a challenge no matter how ridiculous, and especially not one to break a promise. Two facets of his character Kaiba would not admit to approving of. 

An ominous gurgling emanating from Jounouchi's stomach reminded them both of the hard fact that humans require regular sustenance to function, and after checking the TCAS display and surrounding weather Kaiba unbuckled himself to obtain the in-flight meals prepared for them both. As he readied the marinated tofu and mushrooms with rice in the small convection oven at the back of the cockpit, using the 20 minute heating time to place cutlery on trays and browse through accompaniments, Jounnouchi opened his mouth again. 

"You know," he said with a thoughtful air, "this plan of yours only works out if we win. Otherwise you're just an idiot on a three day long date."

Kaiba put on coffee and examined pots of yoghurt. Did he want strawberry and rhubarb or gooseberry? "I am going to win," he said. 

***

The rest of the flight passed uneventfully. Food was consumed, coffee was drunk (they were each surprised to find the other drank it straight), decks were argued about, and the banning of Pot of Greed from competitive play was mourned over. (Kaiba asserted it was due to it being overpowered with no risk to the user. Jounouchi argued it was because no one could ever remember what that freaky looking card did.) Jounouchi briefly got his cards out but packed them away after a sudden turbulence caused them to scatter around the cockpit, and the subject of the nature of Battle Paradise was not brought up again. 

Eventually, Jounouchi demanded blankets and dozed off upon receiving them, doing an impressive job of curling up in his chair. Kaiba himself drank more coffee with the lights off, alternating between monitoring their progress on the luminescent console, manoeuvring around other traffic, responding to emails on his phone, and observing the studded absence of his surroundings - and the shape and size of the jet's windshield meant he was indeed surrounded. If Kaiba looked up, he could see stars, unfettered by clouds or pollution, so distant they could already be dead and he wouldn't know. Given the greatness of a star's lifespan, years numbering in the billions, it was unlikely that many he could see were gone, but still. _ Schrödinger's stars_, he mused, eyes flicking from ursa major to minor, from cepheus to serpens. If Kaiba looked down, he saw nothing but black. Jounouchi's snuffling and mumbling was intermittent behind him. 

Six hours and fifty-three minutes into the flight, Mokuba texted him a picture of the recently acquired dog. She sat on her haunches at a window, front paws on the wall, white and gold face just peeping over the sill to watch the driveway, one of the Kaiba's shoes in her mouth. Not one he actually wore regularly, one of the ones he'd bought due to her spurning of traditional chew toys. Mokuba theorised she just liked things that smelt like him, and she certainly prefered the ones he had worn at least once. 

**Mokie**   
IMG_20191016_163652.jpg 📥   
i think HB misses u :')   
[18:23] 

After a few minutes of deliberation on the correct response, Kaiba begrudgingly responded with a crying emoji. 

They landed at the KaibaLand California airstrip (usually used for overflow parking,) at 3:48 am local time, after Kaiba woke Jounouchi by smacking him in the face with a cold water-soaked flannel to tell him to fasten his seatbelt. Within fifteen minutes, they were at the corporate hotel, passed out in separate rooms. 

***

The next morning, after his routine of medicating, showering, moisturising, hair styling, and dressing, Kaiba was hesitantly contemplating the conundrum of breakfast when there was an irritating beat tapped onto his penthouse door. Rather than simply knock, Jounouchi continued rapping out some unidentifiable rhythm until the door was opened, his fist left hanging in the air. 

"Heya! Uh, I mean, good mornin'," Jounouchi said, managing to babble even with the shortest of sentences, unfolding his fingers to run through his greasy hair. Coffee on his breath, he wore the same clothes as he had the previous day. Kaiba merely raised his eyebrows in response and kept his hand on the door, watching as Jounouchi floundered to think of what to say next. "How… did you sleep?" he settled on. 

What an irrelevant question. Kaiba had slept for four hours and sixteen minutes before waking to the sound of a distorted woman's voice, babbling incoherently somewhere floor level next to his bed. He had spent the minutes waiting for his state of immobility to end doing his customary slow listing of prime numbers, reaching 797 before sleep paralysis released him. 

"Fine," responded Kaiba. 

"Great! Great. So, I'm gonna go see Anzu. The girl at the desk said this place does transport to San Francisco I can use, but in case something happens, what's your number?" 

It was a reasonable request. “Hell no," said Kaiba, "the last thing I need is to give you the ability to bother me on my personal number. You can take the hotel’s number for the occasion you somehow manage to make an even bigger idiot of yourself than usual.”

Jounouchi, leaning against the doorframe and wiggling his disgusting LG, was not so easily dissuaded. “Nah-ah-ah! If you wont give, I’ll get it from Yuugi or Mokuba. I’m sure your little brother will be _ so _ happy to hear-”

Kaiba yanked the phone from him. _ Ugh_. Over the years, Mokuba had become far less forgiving when it came to how Kaiba treated people Mokuba deemed their friends, even if Kaiba himself didn’t see it that way. A quick glance at the wear on the thing’s keyboard told him Jounouchi’s password and, after a short second of amusement at Jounouchi’s tasteful home screen, he created himself as a contact. Kaiba handed it back as if holding someone else’s used tissue by the tips of his fingers, Jounouchi’s expression struggling to settle between smugness and indignation.

“How the hell’d you get in so fast," he wondered, anguished, looking at the object in his palm in betrayal. 

“A tip for you, deadbeat: change your password to something less obvious than ‘redeyes.’” Kaiba _ was _ capable of constructive criticism after all, and with Jounouchi there was so much to give. “Such skillfully drawn wallpaper you have too. You might recommend the artist to Pegasus - Alexandrite Dragon, was it? How much time _ do _you spend on Pixiv?” he drawled. 

Jounouchi reddened. “I drew that."

He slowly put his phone back in his pocket. 

"... and I mainly just use Twitter."

There was no real reason for Jounouchi to be this embarrassed over his monster fanart - it was (thankfully) sfw, fairly impressive, and Kaiba had been sent _ far _ worse in fanmail - but Kaiba found he did enjoy watching his face turn such a vibrant hue. Kaiba didn't know why he wore so much blue when red clearly suited him much better, and had in the past conducted many experiments in producing different shades. Currently, there was a ruddy stripe spreading across Jounouchi's face in the shade he mentally dubbed Ojama Red. It was causing what Jounouchi would likely label a 'shit-eating' grin to spread across Kaiba's. 

"Shut up," Jounouchi fumed, spinning on his heel and marching down the corridor with his head held high. 

"We depart at 9:00 tomorrow! I recommend a shower before then!" Kaiba called after him. 

"Okay, _ mom_!" Jounouchi yelled back. 

Jounouchi had been right, Kaiba reflected. It was a good morning. 

Later, listening to a flustered employee nervously give feedback on her manager in the shade of one of KaibaLand California's less popular eateries, he received two texts from an unrecognised number. 

**080 5683 7386  
**I DONY SMELL THAT BAD   
[13:23]

anzu says hi btw  
[13:24]

"My apologies," Kaiba said, keeping his face deadpan as he put his phone away. "Please continue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my desire to give trivia organically vs my desire to talk about my pet hcs in great length: who will win?  
-mitsurugi is essentially [this reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/b8yn88/audrey_i_know_you_sneak_into_my_room_at_night/)  
-yuugi and atem have a rosy boa snake called noodle  
-anyone who correctly guesses what HB stands for gets the prize of being a big nerd
> 
> next week: are those..... other characters????????????????????


	3. Watching Us All in the Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba drives a very ugly car, and implies Jounouchi has a small dick. Jounouchi makes a terrific pun, and absolutely no one laughs.

It was good to learn new things, Kaiba told himself, and he felt he was learning things today. For instance: he now knew he disliked the smell of pastrami. "Hey, Ethan Hunt? You should probably use your indicator when you're turning," Jounouchi suggested, sentence slightly garbled through the sliced beef that he was shoveling into his mouth directly from the packet. "The law and all that."

"There's no one else here." 

"Okay, but there was at the last turn, and the one before that."

"I'll respect traffic laws when you get your fucking feet off my dashboard and stop fucking chewing with your mouth open," Kaiba growled in a low tone. The poor L'Or Blanc, reduced to this. 

"Hm, touchy." Jounouchi acquiesced to the first request but seemed incapable of the latter. He seemed nervous for some reason - had been ever since Kaiba had first put his foot on the throttle. "You didn't even let me keep my shoes on," he groused, wiggling his sock-covered toes as they rocketed past a combination trailer rental and feed supply, his decrepit Air Maxes having been consigned to live in a plastic bag in the trunk. Kaiba sniffed involuntarily. He regretted that. 

"You're even more of an asshole than usual today. And not that I don't like some strings, but you've been looping this Eye of the Tiger cover for an hour. Something happen? Bee in your bonnet? Snake in your boot?" Jounouchi pestered. "Fired from work? First day of term?" 

The car jerked slightly and Kaiba tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "_No_," he said, too firmly. Through the windows, the yellow grass and green trees of Tuolumne County, California, became even blurrier. Inside the car, the cellists hacked away at their strings with a frantic vigor, and despite his unwavering attention to the road, Kaiba was uncomfortably aware of Jounouchi's eyes on him, looking for something that wasn't there. 

Forcing himself to relax his shoulders (_how oxymoronic_), Kaiba eased up his pressure on the gas pedal and turned off the music he hadn't noticed was really on. He wasn't lying; nothing had happened. The previous night, Mokuba had called him for no real reason, as he sometimes did. They'd spent an hour on the phone together, Kaiba complaining about the incompetence of KaibaLand California's workforce and Mokuba chattering happily about anything that came to mind: the dog, Yuugi's current rescue mission, the new Fortnite patch which somehow involved Michael Jordan, and demands for various American sweets that he could get wholesale himself if he wanted them that bad. 

How he was doing at University.

Kaiba loved his brother. He would support him in anything he chose to do with half the argument he gave everyone else, and that included moving to a different city to get a closer-to-normal higher learning experience, something the CEO of KaibaCorp's little brother wouldn't get in Domino City. Kaiba didn't see the appeal himself - there was no point in pretending at the impossibility of normalcy, why would he want to - but that was neither here nor there. And now, Mokuba was there and not here. For three years. They could, did, visit each other of course - Mokuba was taking a break to look after the dog right now, getting away with a lot more than most other students - and Mokuba was still Vice President, but it wasn’t the same. Kaiba mansion was a very large, very empty building.

So no, nothing had happened. Kaiba would just have to stop at a Walmart, that was all. 

He felt Jounouchi turn away. "If you say so," he conceded, and the rest of the drive was spent in silence. 

***

Imposing on the landscape around it, the central building of Eagle Peak Springs was an enormous, semi-modern building made up of glass and parallel white lines that were already turning cream. A huge panoramic window jutted out from the middle with outward leaning pillars on each side, overhanging the road that went through the tunnel under the building, miniature roundabouts at either end. The whole ensemble stood on the midway point between the sleek and the mildly hideous that Kaiba greatly approved of, but it was after they had emerged on the other side of the building that Jounouchi sat up and murmured an awed _damn_ at the shallow oscillation of the lake stretching out before them, clearer than crystal, an imperfect x-axis for the snow-tipped mountains it showed in their reflected form. A road skirted the south and a footpath the north shores that alternated irregularly between rocks and sand, the dense pine forest starting centimeters away.

After parking, Kaiba slipped on his sleeveless long coat and Jounouchi wormed his feet into his shoes without redoing the laces. As Kaiba moved towards the reception pulling his wheeled duffel bag behind him, Jounouchi stood leaning against his door with his left arm on the roof. Unlike the battered green leather jacket he wore, his blue nails matched the car perfectly. “Well, you’re the worst,” he maintained, finally turning, “but at least you picked this place to be the worst in. I am _ so _ swimming in that.” He hoisted his rucksack off the ground and onto his back, catching up with Kaiba in a little run that was almost a skip. “Didn't bring any trunks but I’ll manage. Look at this place!” he effused, waving his hands around before using them to tug on the straps of his backpack.

“I, too, doubt anyone would notice anything if you went nude,” Kaiba commented, and was rewarded by Jounouchi’s face turning shade #13 - Mystic Tomato.

"_Not _ what I meant,” Jounouchi spluttered, “I’m gonna wear underwear, bastard.” Taking in the building and its surroundings, he stopped suddenly as something occurred to him. "You're paying for everything right?" 

"No, Jounouchi, I expect you to pay for everything out of your Patreon money. Yes. Food and use of facilities is included." They came up on a pair of double doors. “Do not forget why we are here,” Kaiba said.

“Pfft, you know I’m a duelist too, right? Don’t worry, nothing’ll stop _ me _ whooping ass. Here, after you,” said Jounouchi, dancing in front and holding a door open.

Kaiba stared at him. 

“You’re supposed to go through it,” Jounouchi said helpfully. 

“I know how a door works, deadbeat,” Kaiba deadpanned, entering the building. “I have on occasion opened them myself, even walked through them when such a feat was needed.”

“You’re doing a piss-poor job of showing it is all.” Jounouchi followed behind him, before leaning into his ear - or as close as he could get being 6 inches shorter even before adding Kaiba's Cuban heeled boots, which wasn't particularly close - despite the fact there was no one around to overhear. “We’re supposed to be dating, aren’t we? That means I hold a door when you’re dragging luggage. I think.”

Kaiba had considered whether or not their charade would require any actual effort on either of their parts other than the civility needed to not kill each other in the first place, and had promptly dismissed such a concern. After all, a tournament that didn’t ask for proof that a relationship existed on entry would hardly eject anyone for not conforming to their non-rule. “Fine,” he said as they walked up the ramping corridor that connected the car park to the reception on the first floor, “but anything further than that is unnecessary.” 

There was no one in the spacious entrance hall other than themselves and the receptionist as they tapped across the stone floor, the fountain centered in front of the panoramic window looking out on the incoming road producing a gentle splattering, no doubt intended to soothe the weary traveller. The woman looked up and hastily put her phone under the desk as they approached, adjusting her features into a beaming smile to greet them. 

"Misters Kaiba and Wheeler! Welcome to the Eagle Peak Springs Resort, home of Battle Paradise!" she said, checking them off on the screen in front of her. "You're the last ones to arrive. The opening lunch is just about to start, would you like us to move your luggage to your lodgings while you join? Your package has already arrived and been sent there." 

_Package? _ Kaiba got his phone out to question Mokuba, leaving Jounouchi to answer for them. "It's 'Katsuya Jounouchi' actually," he said with a look at Kaiba, "and that would be great, thank you." When speaking English, Jounouchi affected some sort of New York accent, and Kaiba remembered the birthplace on his passport. Presumably it helped him get back into the mindset. 

The receptionist flashed a brief look of irritation at the name change but covered it up as she came round the desk to take their bags. "Oh! My apologies, I can change it in the system but the staff may refer to you incorrectly. We try to memorise everybody's names in Battle Paradise you see," she said with faux cheer, not doing a particularly good job of covering up a pained expression. Kaiba wouldn't be surprised if Jounouchi was referred to as Yuugi Mutuo at some point. 

Jounouchi seemed to notice too, as he hurriedly retracted his statement. "Joey Wheeler's fine actually, it's all good."

“Wonderful. Here are your itineraries,” she handed them each a thick booklet, “it contains the dueling bracket and schedule, as well as times and locations of recreational activities such as hiking tours, boating on the lake, and dances. Your keycards are also in there, along with a map of the facilities with your chalet circled. The opening lunch is through-”

The receptionist was interrupted from her expositional speech when the double doors she was indicating towards were flung open, and two unfortunately familiar faces vacated the dining area. “...there,” she finished. 

“Oh great, it’s _ those _ guys,” Jounouchi groaned, before giving the receptionist a quick thank you as Kaiba lead the charge towards the doors. 

“This is bullshit!” whined Insector Haga in his distinctive scratchy, high pitched voice as they approached. “They can’t kick us out because we’re not dating!”

Dinosaur Ryuzaki cleared his throat beside him. 

“I mean,” Haga amended in a conspiratorial tone that he clearly thought wouldn’t carry, “we _ are_... dating… but they can’t kick us out because we said we aren’t!” He finally noticed the two people approaching them, muttering, “oh great, it’s _ those _ guys,” before pushing his glasses up his nose. “Salutations,” he said in a drawl, “and now, valedictions.” He stalked off, leaving Ryuzaki to groan behind him. 

Kaiba usually saw no reason to give either of the weak duelists the time of day, but the implications of their current circumstances were mildly concerning. “How did they know?” he questioned, deeming the formality of introductions a waste of time.

“Know what? Oh,” Ryuzaki responded in a somewhat irritated manner. “Some lady was asking how we got together and Haga told her we were faking it for the competition. It’s not true, but he freaked out what with all the… yeah. He’s always been a schemer, no one even questioned it.” The dinosaur duelist was unsurprisingly disgruntled with the whole situation.

Jounouchi asked what anyone would. “The hell _ are _ you dating him for?” 

Folding his arms, Ryuzaki responded with more irritation. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand. He’s an insect-obsessed, underhanded, vindictive asshole.”

“... but?” 

Ryuzaki grinned. “No ‘but.’” He gazed down the corridor Haga had departed down. “I am in love,” he announced, before happily following his boyfriend without so much as a wave goodbye. 

“Morons,” Kaiba and Jounouchi muttered at the same time. They looked at each other, and Kaiba thanked the laws that governed the universe that neither of them were that stupid. 

“Come on,” said Jounouchi, heading forwards, “let’s go pretend we’re that stupid.”

Passing through the doors, they found themselves in a waiting area separated from the main dining room by a sturdy, smooth dark cherry wall and the enormous staff member who had just escorted Haga and Ryuzaki out. From beyond it came the sound of a speech in progress in a familiar, musical voice, and as they rounded the divider Kaiba felt the full reality of what he had signed himself up for hit him like the fist of Obelisk the Tormentor.

“𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶-𝒷𝑜𝓎! 𝒥𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽𝒾-𝒷𝑜𝓎! 𝒮𝑜 𝑔𝓁𝒶𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒾𝓉!” 

Kaiba was beginning to think maybe he _ was _ that stupid. How else could he have managed to not check who was behind all of this?

The dining area was a high-ceilinged room that looked out on the lake and the mountains. Dripping lights cascaded down from on high, each with a model duel monster dangling from it to float over the tables that seated four people each. From a table close to the stage, a blonde woman Kaiba recognised from Battle City waved enthusiastically and beckoned for them to sit at her two empty chairs. Jounouchi startled up upon seeing her, heading towards her table with a gasp of “Mai!” 

Kaiba himself followed at a slower pace, examining the other contestants as he moved through the throng, ensuring to have his coat make a satisfying swish and his heels clack as loudly as possible as he brushed past them all. Two other chairs were empty, presumably having belonged to Haga and Ryuzaki, and Kaiba did not recognise any other faces in the crowd of sixty-two people. There wasn't anyone as eccentrically haired as Kaiba was used to, although there were two people at a table in the middle who couldn’t be more than thirteen years old. Perhaps a couple had brought their children, dressed up in small tuxedos. 

And of course at the microphone stood Maximillion Pegasus in a red, double breasted, sequined suit. 

“𝒲𝑒𝓁𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒!” Pegasus sang, “𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹'𝓈 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓈’ 𝒟𝓊𝑒𝓁 𝑀𝑜𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓉𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉!”

Taking his seat between Jounouchi and a small, dark-haired woman who greeted him with a grunt, Kaiba perused the single-page menu while Pegasus continued his nauseating speech about love, romance, and his fiancee who had tragically died when she exploded into a shower of rose petals at the altar. Hopefully this was figurative imagery, but Kaiba could never tell with these people. While Pegasus unveiled the board on the stage next to him to reveal the single elimination bracket that they all already had printouts of, Kaiba noticed his suit had darker red sequins patterned in the shape of hearts, and was grateful he hadn’t eaten yet. 

A buzzing from his phone provided a welcome distraction and he had no qualms about his rudeness in checking it. 

**Mokie  
** yup, its from me! its 4 u and jou, has some things u might need ;) :P  
[12:47]

**Kaiba  
** I c, nd what r the faces in aid of?   
[12:48]

**Mokie  
** ;)   
[12:48]  
did u get my fruit by the foot yet i want my FROOTS   
[12:49]

**Kaiba  
** not yet  
[12:50]  
go 2 bed young man i kno what time it is there  
[12:50]

**Mokie  
** >:(  
[12:51]  
cant move HBs on me :P  
[12:51]

“𝐻𝒶𝒶-𝒽𝓂𝓂,” said Pegasus, bending over slightly to examine the just-ejected Haga and Ryuzaki’s names on the board. “𝒜 𝓈𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓂 - 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶 𝓂𝑜𝒸𝓀𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓉𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉!” He withdrew a pen from his suit jacket, crossed out their names, and wrote down his own. “𝐿𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓎, 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒!” he cried. “𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝓌𝑜-𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓇𝓉𝓎!”

Kaiba had never hated him more. A server came round to take their orders, and Kaiba decided he would pay extra and ordered a bottle. 

After the brief reintroduction of the blonde as Mai Kujaku, which involved her giving Jounouchi a hello noogie, and the dark-haired woman as Kujaku's girlfriend Sam, Kujaku popped the question. "So, it's not much of a surprise, but exactly _ how _ did you two," she said, indicating between Kaiba and Jounouchi with a fork, "happen? I want _ all _ the gory details."

Kaiba gripped his knees under the table and ignored the specific phrasing of the query in favour of attempting to telepathically communicate with his faux boyfriend. _ Remember, mutt, like we discussed. _ Next to him, Sam gave an amused huff. "Not sure you want _ all _the gory details," she murmured, taking a large gulp of her drink. Kujaku giggled in response while Jounouchi did a rather good impression of an owl. 

"Huh? Ah, uhm, well, you see, uh," Jounouchi said eloquently. Kaiba sighed - he really was so predictable sometimes - and relocated one of his hands to Jounouchi's bouncing leg in an attempt to make him get a grip. Unfortunately this caused Jounouchi to flounder even worse than before, and Kujaku's eyebrows disappeared into the stratosphere at the gesture. Fine. Kaiba would handle it. 

They had attempted to plan out their cover story between them. After a fair amount of arguing about who did what and what happened when, it hadn't amounted to much. A simple enough framework of meetings after duels would suffice, details could be made up on the spot instead of having to rely on Jounouchi’s terrible memory. It couldn't be that hard to make up some tooth-rotting story. 

This was how Kaiba found himself, hand on Jounouchi's thigh, saying, "Our private life is _ none _ of your business."

"𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶-𝒷𝑜𝓎! 𝒮𝓊𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝓁𝒶𝓍 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝑜𝒾𝒶 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒷𝒾𝓉!" came the voice of the man who had once kidnapped his little brother and attempted to take over his company. "𝒮𝒸𝑜𝑜𝓉, 𝓈𝒸𝑜𝑜𝓉," said Pegasus, prompting Sam to move closer to Mai in order for a server to draw up another chair. Kaiba didn't feel like being so conveniently moved. 

"𝐼 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝓎 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓈𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝒶𝓋𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝒹𝓊𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉. 𝐼'𝓂 𝓈𝑜 𝒹𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒!" Pegasus continued as a white wine spritzer was set before him. Kaiba's wine was also poured for the rest of the table, and Jouniuchi picked up his glass and swirled the contents in an indelicate manner. 

"Ah," he said to Kaiba, "you had me at…" 

Kaiba braced himself. 

"... merlot." Jounouchi had to set the glass down to snap his fingers into guns.

"Merlot is a red," Kaiba informed him, removing his hand from Jounouchi's thigh. There was safety in the familiar idiocy, and much to his own chagrin Kaiba felt the corners of his lips turning up. He covered them with his own glass. 

"Whatever, nerd. _ I _ know I’m a genius."

“Yes, you can quote every white middle-aged mother at once. Clearly you have talent.”

“Made you laugh though,” Jounouchi insisted, and Kaiba was brought back to reality by the clapping of Pegasus’s hands.

“𝒪𝒽, 𝐼 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝓈𝒶𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇,” he said, wiping an eye that wasn’t actually weeping, “𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶-𝒷𝑜𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓊𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝒶𝓁𝓈𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒𝓈, 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒸𝓇𝓊𝑒𝓁 𝒿𝑜𝓀𝑒 - 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝒾𝓁𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃!” Pegasus laughed again. “𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓌𝓇𝑜𝓃𝑔! 𝒪𝒽, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇,” he leaned in close to speak to Kaiba in a lower voice, and Kaiba realised even his fucking eyepatch was heart shaped, “𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝓊𝓉𝑒𝓇-𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓏 𝒷𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓃 𝑒𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓇 𝐼 𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝑒𝒹. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇, 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇!”

Food arrived brought by the large man who had been previously guarding the room, and Jounouchi and Kujaku filled the air with conversation - stilted at first but soon flowing naturally about his piercings, her globetrotting adventures - with Sam and Kaiba occasionally interjecting with comments. Pegasus left swiftly after finishing his drink, and Kaiba watched with mild fascination and disgust as Sam speared her filet mignon on the end of her fork and bit it off in chunks. He used his own cutlery with precision, trying not to be jealous - he had agreed to go vegetarian with Mokuba, and Kaiba would be damned if he broke the pact. (The new KaibaCorp line of substitutes made no sense to anyone but them, but they still sold well.) Jounouchi didn't touch his own wine glass again. 

As it transpired, neither party was keen to discuss the subject of how their respective relationships started, although Kaiba wondered if Jounouchi noticed how deftly the other pair steered the conversation in a different direction whenever they were questioned. All things considered, the act entailed even less than Kaiba had expected. The couple a few tables away surreptitiously taking photos was something to worry about later. 

Soon, their plates were cleared, and the clock neared 14:30. As the crowd moved, people checking their timetables and Kaiba’s table heading towards arena 2 of 4, Kaiba found himself drawn aside by Pegasus. 

“𝒮𝒶𝓎, 𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶-𝒷𝑜𝓎,” he said with narrowed eyes and a smirk threatening to take hold of his features, “𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇 - 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒, 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝒴𝓊𝓊𝑔𝒾-𝒷𝑜𝓎. 𝒜𝓃 𝑒𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓇, 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓈? 𝒟𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒹?”

_Fuck_. Changing partners two days before arrival wasn’t a good look. “We couldn’t enter Jounouchi’s details at first,” Kaiba explained, thinking as fast as possible, “as it required proof of identity, and he couldn’t find any that wasn’t expired. We reserved using Yuugi’s ID to save our place.” 

“𝒪𝒽! 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝑒! 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝓊𝓃!” Pegasus sang, one visible eye twinkling, twirling a strand of straight, silver hair around a finger. “𝒪𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒, 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝑒𝒾𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝑒, 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓁𝒾𝒻𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊.”

Kaiba told his body that sweating in this situation was a futile activity that would not help in any way. “That,” he deadpanned, turning to leave, “will not be necessary.”

“𝒪𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒. 𝑅𝓊𝓃 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒻𝓊𝓃 𝓃𝑜𝓌! 𝒟𝑜 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈! 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓅𝒶 𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝒸!”

Kaiba made sure to swish his coat with extra flair as he left the hall, Pegasus’s thinly veiled threat ringing in his ears. _ Perhaps this _ will _ require some effort_, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me praying to every god I can think of that the Pegasus font works. Also I wrote this before starting season 4, but I have started it now and wow I feel so validated in writing haga and ryuzaki like this
> 
> This is the chapter I start taking characters from other series to use in place of OCs. I hope they're not too intrusive.
> 
> next week: kaiba is down with the kids
> 
> EDIT: i had one person who was reading on their phone and the Pegasus font didn't work. heres a 'translation' of everything he says in regular script:  
Welcome to Battle Paradise! The world’s first couples’ Duel Monsters tournament!
> 
> Haa-hmm. A slight problem - but I can’t have those two making a mockery of my tournament. Luckily, I have enough love for two people! The games begin at two-thirty.
> 
> Kaiba-boy! Surely you could relax your paranoia a little bit.
> 
> I simply must sit with my favourite duelist. I’m so delighted you came. 
> 
> Oh, I didn’t believe it when I saw your names on the register, I thought Kaiba-boy here must be entering under false pretences, playing some cruel joke - I was going to have you thrown from the building the moment you walked in! But I see now I was wrong! Oh, and speaking of the register, I was hoping to pick your computer-whiz brain about an error I encountered. But later, later!
> 
> Say, Kaiba-boy, about that little thing with the register - when you first entered my wonderful Battle Paradise, I could have sworn you were entering alongside Yuugi-boy. An error, perhaps? Do you know how this could have happened?
> 
> Oh! You should have told me! I would never have let you miss out on the fun! Of course, if I found out you had somehow deceived me, I would have to disqualify you. 
> 
> Of course. Run along and have fun now! Do try some of the recreational activities! The spa is fantastic.


	4. Paparazzi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba needs a shower. Jounouchi is subtly implied to have been smoking weed off-screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing as I've now written about 22k words for this fic so far and I'm not finished yet, I added the slow burn tag even tho only a week will pass in fic. oops

The top floor of the building consisted of four dueling arenas sunk into the floor, enclosed by two long raised rows of plush, cream seats that must’ve been a nightmare to keep clean. The room took up the entire breadth of the building, glass panel walls offering a view of the surrounding mountains on all sides, some opening up to let the May breeze in. The first round of duels was underway when Kaiba emerged from one of the elevators that dotted the perimeter, and one duel already finishing despite the fact that it had been less than ten minutes. Pegasus's voice rang out from a speaker to congratulate the winners and assign them their next duel, round two taking place the next afternoon. Kaiba watched the losing pair brush off the embarrassingly quick loss with no shame, nothing to do for the rest of the tournament except enjoy everything else Eagle Peak Springs had to offer. _Pitiful_. 

Other couples sat by themselves or in groups around the arena to watch the various battles. Kaiba made his way over to where Jounouchi sat alone on the higher bench, arms and chin perched on the backrest in front as he cheered for the duel in arena 2: Kujaku using her trademark Harpies with Sam using a basic machine deck. Sam was playing as if she'd never seen a card before, and while Kujaku's experience was making up for her partner's inadequacy for the moment, Kaiba doubted they would make it far. 

As he approached Jounouchi, Kaiba was met with a brief greeting, then an amused "watch ou-", which was all the warning Kaiba received before he found himself accosted by the form of a five-foot body almost barreling into him in excitement, dragging its embarrassed companion by the hand. It was the two children he'd seen at the opening lunch, no adults in sight. They both seemed awed, but not into silence. 

At least, the first one wasn't. 

"Are you really Seto Kaiba? _ The _ Seto Kaiba? You're so cool! Did you really blow up that island? What's your favou-" 

"Quiet!" hissed the second, "You have to act casual! You're gonna annoy him with your loud mouth!" He yanked the other back from where he'd been in Kaiba's personal space. "Yo," he said to Kaiba, casually bouncing a yo-yo in his free hand, act completely ruined by the fact that his face was on fire. 

Kaiba didn't mind. 

"Hello," he greeted them, "I am indeed _ the _ Seto Kaiba." He made sure to stand even straighter than before and flair his coat dramatically. "Yes, I really did blow up that island. What was your other question?" 

The children were ecstatic. "What's your favourite animal?" asked the first, while the second blurted out "canyoudothecheesechallengeforus?" 

"My favourite animal?" Kaiba pondered with great solemnity, touching his fingers to his chin to give the question the intellectual rigor it deserved. "As I am sure you know, I have a great respect for dragons, but," he leaned down to impart his great secret to his enraptured audience, "I also like lizards and dogs." He paused while the question-asker _ ooh _ed. "Now, what is this 'cheese challenge?'"

The animal child babbled apologetically, "oh, it's nothing, it's a stupid internet thing-" while the yo-yo child extracted a small, opened pack of Kraft Singles from his tuxedo jacket along with a smartphone.

"You throw the cheese at a baby's face so that it sticks," he explained, offering Kaiba a single slice. 

His companion pointed out the most immediate problem. "There aren't even any babies around here, Kil."

'Kil' looked rather embarrassed at his lack of foresight. "Oh yeah," he mumbled, and hung his head. 

This would not do. Both children looked up in confusion as Kaiba took his proffered Kraft Single. "I see," said Kaiba, examining the inedible plastic delicacy. "But you must forgive my rudeness; I have not introduced my companion, Katsuya Jounouchi. He too is a veteran duelist, you probably have not heard of him."

Jounouchi, who had been watching the exchange with a small, bewildered smile, startled at being addressed as the three conversationalists turned towards him. "Yup," he announced with pride, "that's me, The Great and Manly Jounou-" 

He was cut off by a slice of American cheese slapping him in the face. 

"Like that?" asked Kaiba. 

The crowd went wild. 

As the two children thanked Kaiba and ran off to practice dueling each other, Jounouchi extracted the cheese slice from his face and began munching dejectedly. Kaiba climbed the single step to sit beside him with his legs neatly folded. "You bastard. The white-haired one had his camera out," Jounouchi groused. "Should've known my big break would be like this: ‘Cheesed in the face by Seto Kaiba,’ that’s what the headlines will read."

"Yes, you shouldve," Kaiba agreed. Being a prominent face in the gaming industry, distinctive enough that children could recognise him, it hadn't been the first time Kaiba had found himself filmed while enacting the latest internet fad. Fortnite had been rather brutal on him, but what was he going to do? Say 'no'? 

"Stuff it."

"Alright. We are dating, after all."

Jounouchi hit him in the upper arm. 

"Ow," Kaiba said flatly. "How quickly you resort to violence."

"I'm going to get _ questions _ because of this you know. Questions like, 'how long have you been dating Seto Kaiba?' and 'are you gay?' And I'm not gonna know how to answer any of them." Jounouchi chewed on the string of the hoodie he wore under his jacket. "... Are _you_ gay?" he asked Kaiba offhandedly, right knee bouncing. 

Kaiba unfolded his vacuum-sealed black leather encased legs to prop his knee high boots up on the backrest in front of him, and picked an imaginary speck of dust off the painted-on turtleneck through which his pectoral muscles were visible. He turned his head to look his companion directly in the eyes. "No, Jounouchi," he deadpanned, "I'm knee deep in pussy."

"Oh." Jounouchi made an odd, tiny movement with his mouth. 

"Yes, I'm fucking gay, moron."

"...Oh. You found a very you way of coming out."

As if Kaiba cared what the media thought of him. “If anyone assumed otherwise, that’s their bias to deal with.”

They sat in silence for a moment, watching Sam get her cards demolished. Jounouchi's knee continued to ricochet against nothing, and Kaiba felt the urge to restrain it with a hand again. He quelled it. At lunch it had only made him worse, after all. 

"So…" Jounouchi started again, "...lizards makes sense, but you like dogs?" 

_How much sleep did he get last night? _ "You already know that I _ have _ a dog."

"Yeah, but that was for Mokuba, wasn't it? I didn't know you actually _ liked _ them."

Kaiba hadn't known either. It had been Mokuba’s idea, Mokuba pointing out that any CEO dwelling in a mansion needed hounds to sic on intruders, Mokuba coming home one afternoon with a seven-year-old dog in tow who was even better at making sad eyes than he was, and had a sob-story about being scheduled for euthenasia to match. Kaiba was surprised and annoyed at how quickly he'd become attached to the silly little animal; always chewing something, always so very excited to see him, always happy to slump next to his feet as he typed. She was surprisingly quiet until either he or Mokuba came home after any absence longer than half an hour, in which case she would immediately set off in excited barking.

"What did Mokuba call her again?" Jounouchi asked with a grin.

Kaiba knew he hadn't forgotten at all. "Hungry Burger," he said with pride.

"Yup, that was it," Jounouchi's grin was as wide as his face. "Hungry Burger." 

In front of them, Kujaku sacrificed Sam's _Minefieldriller_ to summon _Harpie's Pet Dragon_ and bring her destroyed _Harpies' Hunting Ground_ back from the graveyard in one swoop. Jounouchi jumped up and yelled out a cheer. Their opponents didn't seem particularly happy about it.

"Shame there's no prize for this thing," Jounouchi commented after sitting down again. "Last time I had to put up with Pegasus, I at least got some change out of it."

“What did you spend that ¥3,000,000 on?" Kaiba questioned. "Your sister’s surgery can’t have been that much.”

Jounouchi fidgeted as he responded. “Well, I paid off some of my dad’s debts. Got some, uh, stuff for myself,” he stammered, tugging his hoodie around himself, before redirecting his hands to his necklace. “Got this to celebrate,” he added, holding the dog tag forward and showing Kaiba both sides: a red eyes silhouette on one, the date of his second place victory on the other.

The old LG on the seat beside him lit up and began to ding incessantly and Jounouchi leaned away to check it. Seeing what it was, he shot upwards, letting out a loud yelp and throwing the phone to the floor where the thick carpet saved him from having to buy a replacement. 

"How are there already articles?! It's been less than a day! An hour!" Jounouchi hissed. 

Kaiba retrieved his own phone from his jacket and found that he did indeed have the entire KaibaCorp board of directors, PR department, and various other establishments attempting to contact him. Unlike Jounouchi, he merely adjusted his settings to ignore all notifications that weren't from Mokuba. "There was a couple taking photos at lunch," he commented mildly. "Evidently they were more subtle than I thought they were."

Jounouchi wasn't pleased with this revelation. "And why," he rounded on Kaiba after retrieving the LG, "didn't you say anything? Stop them?" 

"It would have happened at some point," he reasoned dispassionately. "Best to get it over with sooner rather than later. You didn't seem to care about the children filming us."

"Those kids weren't taking pics of your hand on my thigh like some kind of sexy, draconic Steve Jobs," Jounouchi muttered, first looking at his notifications with dismay, then at Kaiba when his brain caught up with his mouth, then back at his phone again. "S-Serenity's going nuts," he continued with an angry stammer, "keeps saying she knew it, which is such bullshit, there isn't an it. Sent a dozen messages asking how big your 'ego' really is."

Kujaku gleefully declared a final attack against her opponents directly with nothing in the backline to stop her, and Kaiba recalled her particular choice of words at their reintroduction: 'Not much of a surprise,' she had said. For the first time, Kaiba wondered how his and Jounouchi's eternal war looked from the outside, and subsequently dismissed everyones' overactive imaginations. The fact that he found it incredibly difficult to restrain himself from harassing Jounouchi every time they saw each other, and occasionally when they didn't, meant nothing other than dislike - Kaiba remembered altering Jounouchi’s Battle City information fondly, and had strong suspicions on the culprit behind the alterations that caused his wikipedia page to become locked. Just looking at the man - his slobbish attire; the ridiculously over-sprayed hair; his stubborn, stubbled jaw; his overly expressive face - filled Kaiba with irritation, the static of Jounouchi's presence infecting him with its blank fuzz. He was certain the feeling was mutual, sexy Steve Jobs comment or no. 

Jounouchi excused himself with a plan to call his excitable sister, and congratulated the winning couple before practically running to find somewhere quiet. This left Kaiba in the rather unfortunate situation of potentially having to make small talk. Indeed, he quickly found Kujaku smirking down at him. "I'm surprised you graced our humble duel with your presence, Kaiba," she said with narrowed eyelids. "No Egyptian Gods for you here, I'm afraid." 

Her distaste was evident. Battle City had gotten a little… out of control at some points, Kaiba reflected. The paperwork had been a nightmare, and even after tearing apart countless Duel Disks, Kaiba had never found what had been shocking people into comas. 

"Hmph," responded Kaiba, "you were more engaging viewing than your competition." There were other more balanced matches taking place, but Kaiba preferred to watch a capable duelist stomp their opponent than two morons spend forty minutes trying to figure out how a trap card worked. "Despite your partner's inadequacies," Kaiba added, standing to leave. 

Kujaku favoured him with folded arms and accompanying annoyed expression. "My partner's 'inadequacies' enabled me to bring back a vital card from the graveyard when our opponents least expected it."

"She played a single card that you were able to sacrifice. Exceptional work."

"She's also standing right here," Sam commented, more amused than offended at the exchange as Kujaku linked their arms. 

She shook her head, and they turned to leave. "I'm sure we'll see you around, Kaiba. Try not to overinflate while I'm gone."

Watching them leave in the direction he had been headed in, Kaiba sat down again with an aggrieved coat-flick. Deprived of his exit, he watched the ongoing duels until an idiot in arena 1 summoned _Crowned by the World Chalice_ in attack position. He really couldn't stay after seeing _ that_. 

***

Following the map in the booklet he had been given, Kaiba made his way towards the suite Jounouchi and he would be inhabiting. In typically irritating fashion the map was not to scale, and gave no indication of how far he would be going. After a second's consideration he set off along the sidewalk of the road that followed the lake’s south shore. In the unlikely event of him getting lost, it would be easier to turn around on foot. 

Now that he had Hungry Burger to take care of, Kaiba was no stranger to taking walks. Even though the mansion and its garden had plenty of space for the dog, Mokuba was insistent that he should do 'proper dog owner things.' The energetic animal certainly seemed to enjoy them: the ritual of the lead, sitting at traffic lights, being given the command to cross when it was safe - her tail would wag through all of it. A perk of having such a specific public image was that Kaiba could simply wear a coat with sleeves and no one would give him a second glance as he marched through the streets of Domino City, a pitbull-golden retriever mix keeping pace beside him. What Kaiba wasn't used to was walking in the countryside. Kaiba lived in a land of vehicular noise and blinking lights, bustling bodies and odd stenches. Even the outskirts where the mansion lay were occupied with buildings of some kind at short intervals. Gozaburo's voice was silent, and it was strange to hear his own heels clack along the sidewalk to the accompaniment of wind through the trees and water on the shore, entirely without comment. 

Kaiba walked slower. 

After three minutes and thirty-four seconds, he came upon a parking area with a wooden jetty into the lake. There was room for three vehicles and three footpaths heading into the trees, each with a metal plate number set into the stone. Idly wondering what they did when the paths were covered by snow or mulch, Kaiba followed his designated number two uphill to find an architecturally confused structure, likely the result of some poor designer having one commissioner yelling International Style and another shouting log cabin. It had the shape, the typical gable roof of a cabin, but was constructed of whitewashed concrete and horizontal windows that looked out onto the lake below and the dense forest around them. Swiping his keycard and entering, Kaiba found a living room with a kitchenette, two doors, and Jounouchi sitting at the table with his forehead against the wood. One hand held his phone against his ear, the other was buried in the thatching he called hair. 

"No. _ No. _ I hate you_. _ Ye- maybe? I don't _ know_," Jounouchi whined into the microphone, hand on his scalp scratching and smoothing. Both his jacket and hoodie had been flung to the couch, and Kaiba noted that he had missed the point where Jounouchi had swapped out the baggy, oversized t-shirts of his youth for more form fitting ones. As he shut the door behind him Jounouchi shot up in his chair, forehead red and eyes wide. "Speak of the devil… I'm hanging up now. NO YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM. Love you. Bye."

He promptly flung his phone to join the layers of clothing decorating the couch, where it continued to generate muffled noise. Swearing, Jounouchi got up to actually end the call properly before turning to face Kaiba. "Siblings," he stated, before plummeting into the dusty beige suede cushions and gesturing to the large package on the coffee table. "Any idea what that is?" 

"Siblings," Kaiba simply responded, joining him on the couch and neatly ripping open the package to reveal two large bundles of cloth secured by belts, one white, one black. 

Jounouchi prodded them as if they were beached jellyfish and he was a four year-old. "Why's Mokuba sending us clothes?" he asked as Kaiba texted his brother the same question, hoping he wouldn't respond immediately. He had gone to bed rather late after all. 

Unfolding the black bundle revealed a suit with a waistcoat, a crimson shirt and darker tie, a little chain in a packet, and a pair of shoes in a bag. Kaiba and Jounouchi fixed the outfit with looks of apprehension. 

"... Does he know something we don't?" Jounouchi ran a hand over the shirt material before checking the label. "How the hell does he know my size?" He held up the chain packet, "and what's this supposed to be?" 

On closer inspection, the black was a deep, dark blue textured with faint plaid. Mokuba had developed a keen and dramatic fashion sense over the years, encouraged by them designing Kaiba's public and office getups together after the separation of Duelist Kingdom. ("Hm," twelve year old Mokuba had said as they stood in front of the mirror, "it's good, but it needs more spikes." Kaiba had heartily agreed, and they'd put every belt they had on his limbs.) Perhaps he was merely exercising his skills to a new audience. 

He folded the clothes back up. “We’ll find out when he wakes up,” he informed Jounouchi. “As for now, we have a duel in,” he checked the time, “one hour and forty-nine minutes.” Kaiba drummed his fingers against the table exactly once, not entirely sure what to do with the do, unused to having both the free time and the unfamiliar company.

Jounouchi made a humming sound, looking around the room, its white walls and hardwood floors and ceiling, before digging into a large inner jacket pocket he had clearly sewn in himself and retrieving his deck. “Duel?” he offered.

Kaiba nodded and retrieved his own cards. “Duel.”

***

Unsurprisingly, the practice had been unnecessary. Their first tag duel took fourteen turns and Kaiba was victorious, favouring his opponents with his signature cackle when one of them played _Horn of the Unicorn_ at the wrong time and was forced to redraw it on their next turn instead of something useful. It was actually rather annoying - Jounouchi had been a far greater challenge sitting on the floor at the opposite end of the chalet’s coffee table, even if part of said challenge _ had _ been dodging couch cushions whenever Jounouchi got fed up with his snide remarks. Kaiba had won every bout, but he’d had to work for them. Not that he’d admit it, of course. 

Jounouchi had cheered when their opponents’ life points hit zero and proffered his palm for a high five. Kaiba had stared at the offering for a few seconds, ready to tell him to fuck off, before aquiesting as hard as he could. Pegasus was watching, after all. Jounouchi had startled at the motion, shaking his stinging hand, before beaming and going to shake the hands of their opponents. Kaiba rubbed at his own palm. 

“𝐵𝓇𝒶𝓋𝑜! 𝐵𝓇𝒶𝓋𝑜!” Pegasus had clapped from the front bench. "𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓃𝑒𝓍𝓉 𝒹𝓊𝑒𝓁 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒," he'd checked the tablet that sat in his lap, "𝓉𝑜𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓃𝑜𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓉 3 𝑜'𝒸𝓁𝑜𝒸𝓀. 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝓊𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓃𝑒𝓍𝓉 𝑜𝓅𝓅𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓃𝑔𝑒, 𝒽𝓂?" He might've winked, but it had been difficult to tell. 

The rest of the evening Kaiba had spent on his laptop, Jounouchi out of sight until making a grand entrance, ranting about the media and demanding to get food. Why he needed Kaiba with him for that was a mystery. Why he'd felt the need to spray himself with enough AXE to knock out a horse was another; Kaiba didn't ask what it was covering up, although he realised it was the same foul deodorant he'd smelt on Ryuzaki earlier in the day. 

Now, after obtaining food in takeaway boxes from the restaurant and placing it ready on the table, they were back in the chalet facing a new challenge upon moving their luggage to the bedroom. Kaiba had, logically, known there would only be one bed, but it hadn't really sunk in.

"There's only one bed," said Jounouchi helpfully. 

It was fairly large, as beds go. 

"It's huge." Jounouchi hit the nail on the head again. 

"I am _ not_," Kaiba enunciated, "going on the couch." 

"Neither am I."

Six feet apart, they faced each other down from either side of the California King, its eggshell pillows piled as high as the mountains outside. On one of the bedside tables was a heart shaped basket of Eagle Peak Springs branded condoms.

"Why don’t we eat?" Jounouchi suggested, "And settle this later."

They both slowly manoeuvred themselves to the kitchenette without breaking eye contact. They didn't break it for the entirety of their meal, eaten in the tense silence of an elastic band about to be snapped flying at a schoolmate's head. It wasn’t long before they found themselves back in their original scouting positions, a plush, 1000 cotton thread count no-man’s land between them. 

If anyone asked, Kaiba was sure Jounouchi made the first move, but the end result was that the pillow Everest on the bedspread ended up more like Saint Helens. Hundreds of hours of rigorous self-defence training were forgotten in a millisecond in favour of a rather undignified wrestling match, in which Kaiba managed to pin Jounouchi’s upper body down beneath his right knee, but was himself kept in place by a strategically placed pair of thighs. Questioning the physical possibility of their current positions did little to settle the stalemate as they lay panting in the wreckage, and Kaiba, his head dangling off the side of the mattress, noted that they had knocked over at least one lamp.

“Do you concede, mutt?” he taunted across the room, superior despite the fact he very much hadn’t won.

Jounouchi retorted with a bellowed “fuck you,” and they continued to struggle for another few minutes before giving up. “Look,” Jounouchi reasoned, tired, voice muffled by the bedding, “it’s pretty big. Let’s just make a pillow barrier down the middle and share, yeah? I don’t care where you sleep, as long as I’m not on the couch.”

Kaiba reflected on the fact that he truly had ended up partnered with the most infuriating person on the planet. He didn't particularly want to share a bed with Jounouchi, but he'd be damned if he admitted it bothered him. Why couldn't Jounouchi just play along and begrudgingly take the couch like a good friendship moron? He knew _ Yuugi _ would’ve taken it. “Then _ why, _” he ground out, “are we fighting?”

“I thought… you didn't say anything!”

"I have a dog now, Jounouchi. I'm more used to sleeping with a mutt in my bed than without."

Kaiba received a punch to the thigh. 

Frustrated, sweaty, and rather wanting to get the other’s foot out of his face and himself into a shower, Kaiba detangled himself from Jounouchi’s body. His hair was in an even worse disaray than it usually was, and Kaiba spared a thought to what his own must look like. There was a moment of silence, Kaiba gathering his toiletries, until Jounouchi sat up and immediately noticed a subtle change in Kaiba’s posture. “And why is _ that, _ ” he threw Kaiba’s crotch an accusing finger point, “like _ that. _”

Kaiba didn't give that question the dignity of a shrug. “It’s a perfectly healthy reaction to the amount of bodily contact we just had. Frankly, I’m concerned about _ you _ here. Performance issues, deadbeat? I suppose I can’t be surprised,” he mocked with a dismissive glance. 

Jounouchi collapsed back onto his elbows with a soft _ flump_. “Wanna know something, Kaiba?” he glared from where he lay prone on the sheets surrounded by a wreckage of pillows, breathing heavily, shirt hiked to reveal a happy trail. “I hate you. So fucking much.” 

“Acknowledged and reciprocated. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” said Kaiba, dodging a projectile condom and vacating the bedroom in favour of some place more private. In the shower, Kaiba struggled to think of a suitable name for the full body flush Jounouchi had produced, but he was tired and his mind somewhat clogged. The stress and ache of the day eased away under the jet, the hot water contrasting with cool tile as Kaiba braced one palm against the wall. _Black Stone of Legend_, perhaps? At least, Kaiba assumed it was full body. It had certainly covered what parts he could see. 

Jounouchi had been productive in his absence, and after getting into his pajamas and settling into the sheets with a newly constructed impenetrable wall of pillows beside him, Kaiba checked his phone with his eyelids fighting him every step of the way. “They’re for a dance,” he informed Jounouchi.

“Huh?” Jounouchi responded from Kaiba’s peripherals, pulling his old blue and white shirt over his head, the article now falling apart at the seams and its neckline thoroughly chewed.

“The suits. Apparently there’s a celebratory ballroom dance tomorrow, and another after the final duel.”

The duvet was disturbed as Jounouchi slipped into his territory beyond the border. “Didn’t think we'd be bothering with that stuff.” 

"We're not. Mokuba just likes any excuse to design outfits."

"Still," there was a yawn and the lights were switched off, "you should probably wear yours. Brotherly appreciation and all that. Hell, maybe we should go. Not like we'll have anything else to do. I can't dance for shit but unless you want to that won't matter. I guess I could dance with Mai, but… " Another yawn betrayed Jounouchi's tired state as he wiggled into the mattress. "I don't know, I don't think I want to. Not after… all that. Can you dance? You had that… fancy upbringing."

Lying on his back, hands resting on his stomach, Kaiba found himself calmed by the abrasive rambling of Jounouchi's voice, the past three days of travel catching up to him as he slipped away into a hopefully dreamless sleep. Kaiba responded with an affirmative, but didn't have the energy to process the next words wafting in his direction. 

"Maybe you could teach me…" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hungry Burger is one of Mokuba's cards in his level 30 deck on duel links. also, why does ao3 keep putting random spaces where there were no spaces before whenever i hit that preview button
> 
> thanks for reading and for the kudos and the comments! ya'll r nice
> 
> next chapter: jou has an argument with haga


	5. When it Rains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba has a waterproof coat. Jounouchi does not.

Jounouchi talked in his sleep.

Intermittently, and mostly mumbling incoherently, but talked nonetheless. Kaiba caught the odd word as he himself oscillated in and out of consciousness. At 00:54 Jounouchi’s voice wafted across the room to warn an assailant away from his beans. At 2:37, Kaiba heard an even more perplexing sentence. Kaiba could not physically respond, so he simply made eye contact with the melting scribble of a figure he was currently seeing on the windowsill as if to share the bewilderment Jounouchi produced in him with another. 

At least the wall of pillows provided something else for Jounouchi to grab, even if the one arm and one leg flung over the barrier meant that Kaiba had foreign fingers and toes in his territory. He himself curled onto his side, facing away from him, and flicked his eyes between the trees and stars through the window and the digital clock on the bedside table, but didn’t escape the warm prodding. 

He didn't get any more or less sleep than usual, but the foreign presence infected his own dreams. Kaiba couldn’t remember them when he woke, but he knew Jounouchi had been there all the same. At 4:56 he decided enough sleep had been attempted and went to his laptop at the table - his _ Dark Souls _ bare-handed Path of the Dragon run wasn't going to play itself. 

***

It was raining the next morning, if you could really call it rain. It was solid but flexible, a sheet of heavy silver velvet that caught the light this way and that as it rippled in the wind and smacked against concrete. Unwilling to let his companion see him unwashed and unstyled despite the circumstances, Kaiba showered and redressed into his pajamas, going through his regular morning motions. He returned to the bedroom just in time to see Jounouchi take one look out the window and bury himself in the blankets Kaiba had long since abandoned. Kaiba was no more keen on the idea of being flattened under the watery fabric than he was, and fortunately they didn't have any duels in the morning. Unfortunately however, they didn't have any food either. 

"Can't we just get room service," came Jounouchi's bedding-muffled groan as Kaiba pulled clean clothes out of his suitcase. 

"They don't provide it for visitors outside the main building," Kaiba told him, extracting himself from his pajama top. "Now move your lazy ass, I'm not carrying food around for you. If I’m going out there you are too."

"You're a terrible fake-boyfriend," Jounouchi complained, still not moving. His entire body was covered apart from his sleep-crusted eyes, which Kaiba saw blinking at his bare back in the mirror. From their dark cavern of blankets, the eyes watched while Kaiba sprayed on deodorant. 

"If you wish to take a picture," Kaiba informed him, the corners of his mouth imperceptibly raised, "you will have to contact my PR team." 

"Just wondering if anyone can buy those jammies, or if you had them custom, you absolute nerd," Jounouchi shot back. 

The dark blue fabric was patterned with little kaiju; Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Mothra, Mechagodzilla... They hadn’t originally included Rodan, but Kaiba had managed to stitch him on in a fit of annoyance. Other than that glaring error, they were quite tasteful. Kaiba missed his onesie. He also put his thumbs under the waistband of the bottoms, and then hesitated, and spoke. "You may wish to turn away," he said in an even tone - not a request, merely a suggestion. 

The dark eyes blinked at him. 

"Oh. Yeah. Right." Jounouchi finally extracted himself from the blankets, and his ankle bones cracked rhythmically as he picked up his own bag and padded to the bathroom. Kaiba watched him leave before shedding the bottoms and pulling on clean versions of yesterday's attire. Moving into the living area, he closed down his game from last night, rinsed out his numerous coffee mugs, and fiddled with his phone before landing on killer sudoku to pass time. The only emails he had received were about his love life, and he was steadfast in ignoring them. 

By the time Jounouchi emerged, clothed, wiping toothpaste residue from his still unshaven chin, the rain was easing up - but not enough, and Kaiba thanked himself for packing for every eventuality as he put on his raincoat. He wouldn't be able to wear the arm belts today, which was a shame; they really enhanced the silhouette. 

"'Course you got one of those see-through things," Jounouchi muttered in an astounding display of observational skill, himself in a different, nondescript shirt and same everything else. He eyed the front door with trepidation as he slowly laced his shoes on and pulled the thin, bobbled, flimsy material of his hood over his head. Through the front window, Kaiba saw the lake continuously shattered under the barrage of tiny, watery pellets. He flicked his eyes between the two. 

Perhaps Kaiba hadn't packed for every eventuality. He stood stock-still for two seconds, then, grumbling, took off his transparent coat and then his white. After extracting his phone wallet, he thrust out the hand holding the white coat in Jounouchi's direction, arm straight as an axis, eyes focused on the lake. When Jounouchi didn't move, he shook it and ordered, "Take it."

"I mean- Gee, thanks mister, but it doesn't have a hood or even slee-" 

"Put it over your head, idiot."

Jounouchi stood, and cautiously took the enormous sheet of red satin-lined white PVC. He wrestled with the coat, attempting to wrap the torso around his head like a shawl, but was ultimately defeated by the fabric's stiffness and spiked waist. 

"This coat is hostile architecture," he huffed, giving up and simply holding the flared end over himself as Kaiba put his other coat back on, drawing the large hood up.

“Let it fly away, and I will sue you into the ground,” Kaiba warned him and yanked the door open. Ignoring Jounouchi's reasonable response of not having anything to sue for, he eyed the few wet fallen leaves being plastered to the path and telepathically informed them of how he’d destroy their entire families if any of them made him slip as he stepped out. They didn’t respond. Instead, wind and rain greeted his hands, and he refused to submit by putting them in his pockets. 

Jounouchi emerged behind him, letting out a loud and eloquent _ hruegh _ at the current state of affairs, drawing the coat on his head closer around him into a makeshift hood and pulling the door shut. The stiff fabric did its best to flap around him, but found ultimately found the process too difficult. “They better have a buffet,” Jounouchi threatened as they set off, the path just wide enough to walk side by side, “or I’m finding where Pegasus sleeps in this place and putting bouillon cubes in his showerhead.”

Kaiba couldn’t quite blame Pegasus for the weather, but he enjoyed the idea nonetheless. “Too much effort for too little reward,” he reasoned, “better just to put glue in his shampoo.”

He was rewarded with a bark of laughter. “Okay, but then he’ll _ know _ someone’s messing with him immediately,” Jounouchi argued.

“What’s the point, if he doesn’t realise someone’s out for him? Far better he knows he’s being made a fool," Kaiba insisted. "All _ you’re _ doing is making him smell slightly worse than usual, he can cover that up with cologne.”

Jounouchi shook his head, waggling his makeshift hood to-and-fro. The movement hit Kaiba on the upper arm, but it didn't occur to him in the moment to be annoyed by it. “It means you can get away with more later, genius. Mine’s less noticeable. If you put glue in the shampoo first, he’ll up security. You have to leave it for later, along with cling-filming the toilet.” 

Emerging onto the lakeside road, they were no longer defended by the trees. Jounouchi yelped as Kaiba’s coat found itself revitalised and flapped enthusiastically around him, allowing the rain a few decent shots at his head. Kaiba himself allowed the weather one small victory by raising one hand to hold his hood in place. 

“So yeah, beef shower first, glue shampoo later,” Jounouchi outlined as they set off along the shore. “If he uses bar soap you can coat it in clear nail polish too. Less dramatic, but real frustrating.”

“You have clearly put more thought into this than you have anything else in your entire life,” Kaiba observed, before stopping in his strides, a memory tapping on his brain. “Wait-”

Ahead of him, Jounouchi made a snorting sound before bursting into giggles. 

“Motherfucker!” Kaiba hollered, and lunged to smack him in the back of the head. The blow was dodged, and Jounouchi ran cackling through the rain, white coat flapping behind him as Kaiba gave chase. Kaiba was not a person prone to being physical, but Jounouchi had a knack for making his hands twitch. 

In the end, they needn't have bothered with the coat. Stomping up to the main hall, Jounouchi continued to wheeze, although if it was from laughter or from exercise Kaiba couldn't tell. He himself had fared a little better, in that he wasn't soaked through. While Kaiba was a little ruffled and damp around the face, Jounouchi was drenched, hair plastered flat to his skin and revealing unbleached roots, water dripping from everywhere. Panting, he pushed back the soaked fringe from his face and Kaiba watched a drop of liquid make its meandering way from cheek, to jaw, to the neck that gulped down air, in order to check that gravity was still functioning properly. 

(He was fairly certain of his hypothesis, but any experiment needs to be performed multiple times before making a conclusion, so he watched four drops in total.)

After a second’s deliberation, Kaiba smacked him the back of the head. 

"Ow!" Jounouchi yelped, but the idiotic grin didn't budge, and his wet shoes squeaked against the tiled floor. "Worth it. Ten out of ten would prank again."

"If it's a war you want, it's a war you shall get," Kaiba threatened as he gently pulled his hood down. It wouldn't do to mess up his hair with haste. "Bear in mind the resources at my disposal. I will make you wish you'd never been born."

In the process of making a wide-eyed face and waving his hands in the air in mock surrender, Jounouchi dropped Kaiba's coat on the tiled floor. "Bring it, moneybags," he challenged, picking up the fallen article. "Never moved on to the big stuff with you before 'cause I didn't wanna die, but now I've resigned myself to an early death at your hands. Might as well go with a bang."

"I won't kill you, deadbeat," Kaiba assured him as they stepped into the reception hall, "you're more fun to keep alive and torture."

Jounouchi clapped him on the back. "That's the spirit, Kaibs," he said, and they both stopped moving immediately. "Uh," Jounouchi added, eyes flicking between Kaiba and his own hand, warm against Kaiba's left trapezius even through the layers. _ Kaibs? _ The enormous miscellaneous staff member who always seemed to be nearby headed towards them with towels. 

"Sirs," the man said, managing the impression of a monotone with only one syllable to work with. Kaiba wondered if he could hire him. 

Jounouchi startled at the address, but recovered enough to take a fluffy white towel, leaving Kaiba's back cold for his absence. In his confusion, Kaiba took a towel as well, and dried his face with it despite it having dried in the AC of the building already. His cheeks felt strange and he rubbed at them to try and make it stop. 

"Thanks, uh… " Jounouchi read the man's name tag, "... John." 'John' nodded, and offered to take their coats to be looked after at the reception while Jounouchi rubbed at his head with vigor, using both sides of his towel before snatching Kaiba's to wrap around his head. _ Kaibs? _ thought Kaiba again. He decided it must be some bizarre prank war first-move as he responded to John's offer. The coat rack behind the desk did not seem particularly well defended, so he gave the man his transparent coat and kept the white. 

"So, _ Jou_," drawled Kaiba as John retreated, "breakfast."

Jounouchi's still damp face turned pink before he strode forwards. "Breakfast!" he announced, almost walking into the cherry wood wall. 

As it transpired, Pegaus's bathroom would not need to be booby-trapped, and Jounouchi hoovered up waffles with syrup and scrambled eggs with bacon. Kaiba's eyes passed over the affair and settled on some muffins and yoghurt. A chair next to them was used to drape Jounouchi's jacket and hoodie across in a feeble effort to dry them while Jounouchi himself sat in his wet t-shirt, and he used four mugs of hot coffee to warm his hands over, safe in the knowledge that the pair of them would drink it all. 

They were some of the last in the hall, but not the very last. Not long after they'd settled down the very last arrivals pulled up at the table next to them, Haga quickly engaging Jounouchi in what seemed to be an ongoing argument of theirs about some American band called 'Weezer.' It was quite a heated debate that only seemed to result in each of them becoming more enraged, and it caused Kaiba the entirely horrific experience of making understanding eye contact with Ryuzaki. They both quickly looked away again, Kaiba examining the effect of the rain on the lake through the panoramic window, and the duel monsters hanging from the light fittings. Unfortunately, they were all Toons carrying hearts; the Blue Eyes Toon Dragon he eyed with particular disgust. That Yuugi and Jounouchi's signature monsters had received the same treatment did little to sooth him. 

Jounouchi stood from his seat to better gesticulate why Pork and Beans was a better song than Buddy Holly, and Kaiba gave in to his curiosity. He murmured to Ryuzaki out of the corner of his mouth, "do they do this often?" 

Ryuzaki responded with an air of resignation. "They started it yesterday," he said, tidying their mess of plates and cutlery, muttering, "I should never have offered that weed," before getting up and physically dragging his shouting boyfriend away to lands unknown. Jounouchi yelled after them something to the effect of Haga being a bastard who hated joy, and if Jounouchi hadn’t already realised that, Kaiba had some serious concerns.

Having nothing to do until lunch, not having brought his laptop, and not wanting to brave the outside again, Kaiba was at a bit of a loss. Jounouchi suggested the dueling arenas, and soon they were on the benches again, this time watching duelists battle for fun, competitive matches not starting until the afternoon. The children from the day before were playing, and Kaiba watched with pleasure as they demolished the adults they were faced off against, who were unable to answer their _Power of the Guardians_ spell cards. 

"How the hell is that card legal," asked Sam, evidently still acquainting herself with the game. "It's got to be way more powerful than that other card you were talking about. What was it called?" 

"_Pot of Greed_," Kaiba, Jounouchi, and Kujaku responded in unison. 

"Yeah, that thing."

Muscle memory kicked in, Kaiba's mouth automatically rattling off an explanation to the solemn nodding of his fellow duelists, while the rest of him wondered where Kujaku had picked this one up. She certainly didn't know anything about her girlfriend's profession. 

The clock ticked closer to 12:00, when Pegasus's second lunch would begin, to be followed by the second round of duels. With the number of contestants having been halved, round two would only take a single afternoon. Jounouchi cracked a wide yawn which for some reason involved sticking his tongue up and out, causing Kaiba to turn 12 degrees anticlockwise. The underside of a tongue was really quite unappealing to look at, but Kaiba prided himself on an ability to look any opponent in the face, or at least in the metal barbell. He vaguely registered Kujaku commenting that Jounouchi seemed exhausted. 

"Eh, it's nothing," Jounouchi waved her off. "Just had trouble sleeping is all, the travel's messing with me. Had a… an old recurring dream I hadn't got in a while, think it's from seeing all the old faces around here again," he said, entirely too dismissively, and promptly failed to elaborate. 

In front of them, the kids finally won after several rounds of toying with their opponents. The one who had requested the cheese challenge dabbed. 

"I did hear you say something quite interesting in your sleep last night," Kaiba remarked, fully turning to face Jounouchi with his arms folded, left eyebrow raised by five millimeters. Hours of research had told Kaiba this was the optimal eyebrow position to induce nervous squirming without seeming particularly interested himself. Perhaps Kaiba needed to review his findings again, because rather than fidget Jounouchi went completely still. He did not even produce an amusing expression to be frozen in. It was as if he had simply paused, a still frame. 

How strange. "What on earth does 'D is the magic number' mean?," Kaiba asked, turning away again. "You are even dumber asleep than you are awake." 

Jounouchi unpaused with the grace of air leaving a balloon as Kujaku cackled. Turning shade #3 - _Red Eyes Black Chick_ \- he waved his arms and slapped his palms against his face. "Shut up," he spluttered, "I bet your dreams are sooo comprend- compress- com- comprehensible. Probably laying waste to all the land on a Blue Eyes. Scratch that; you're a robot, you don't have dreams."

Kaiba did not in fact have many dreams involving dragons; Kaiba used enough of his conscious mind to think about them that his subconscious didn't bother. Sam indicated the time and the group began to move. 

"Not currently," Kaiba responded, rising, "but my software is due for an upgrade."

***

It seemed Pegaus had a different affront to taste to wear every day of the tournament. That day's suit had shoulder pads to make him look like a grotesquely fake heart, and Kaiba fantasized about popping him with a compass point while he congratulated everyone who made it past the first round, including himself. Jounouchi ate his pecan-crusted salmon with ketchup and used only a fork in his right hand. 

As Kaiba picked at his own meal he found himself examining the way him and Kujaku talked. There was nothing odd about it - no overreactions, a regular amount of awkward pausing between two people who hadn't seen each other in a while - and perhaps that was what was strange. Jounouchi was, from everything Kaiba had seen, a rather overreactive person. She reminisced about a jaunt across Finland and he nodded and _ oohed _ and _ aahed _ at appropriate points. Sam had vanished, citing that she had 'fallen to the communists', and there were none of her blunt, amused interruptions to break their flow. 

Recalling a passing mention of _ something _ the night previous, and Jounouchi's odd reaction to the mention of his sleep-talking, Kaiba resolved to ask him about their history. They were in a fake relationship after all. He would be expected to know about these things. 

Opening his phone, he frowned at his messages. 

**Yuugi  
** saw the cheese thing, glad you two are having fun! i knew you would!   
[12:35]

**Kaiba  
** shdnt u b rescuing ur grandfather?   
[13:02]

**Yuugi  
** cant do much from this train   
[13:02]

hey ssxy  
[13:03]

SORRY otogi took my phone  
[13:04]

😴👨🦱👉💩  
[13:05]

Kaiba was occasionally able to decipher the messages Yuugi sent entirely in emoji. He took this one to read 'tired of his shit.' 

Another set of texts told him that his relationship status had gone viral and could he please contact the PR office and some of the media back so that they'd leave Mokuba alone. Kaiba emailed PR back politely telling them to fuck off, and a couple of news outlets who had reached out to him impolitely telling them to fuck off. Isis too had messaged him, to say that she was happy for him and the millions his coming out would help. He thought for a while before responding. 

**Kaiba  
** thank you  
[13:11]

**Isis  
** You are welcome. I do not have his number, so please extend my message to Jounouchi too. I wish you well in your relationship. My millenium necklace tells me you will have great fortune together ;)   
[13:16]

**Kaiba  
** does ur """millenium necklace""" also tell u 2 fuck off  
[13:17]

**Isis  
** ;)   
[13:17]

Looking forlornly at his plate, now empty of gourmet food, Jounouchi expressed a desire for Burger World. 

Their 15:00 duel passed with a little more challenge than their first, their opponents running mildly irritating life-replenishing Aromage decks. Kaiba and Jounouchi engaged in a silent competition with each other to see who could bring out their fusion dragon first, which Jounouchi unfortunately won. In the end their opponents couldn’t stand against the combined power of _Blue-Eyes Ultimate_ and _Red-Eyes Slash_ burning down upon them. The main difference from the first duel was that instead of a celebratory high-five, Jounouchi threw an arm around Kaiba's shoulders and whooped. As he eyed Jounouchi as best as he could without turning his head, Pegasus's veiled threat nagged at Kaiba like a particularly flamboyant migraine while the man himself approached to give them the time of their next duel.

Kaiba made the split-second decision to press his mouth against Jounouchi's cheekbone. He had intended to observe Pegasus's reaction, but found himself occupied by a sudden inexplicable annoyance at a strand of Jounouchi's crunchy hair for getting in his way. 

"𝒟𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔!" Pegasus sang, and Jounouchi gave a nervous laugh and dragged Kaiba towards the elevator, where he punched the button for the first floor and immediately got out his phone. 

He looked up as the lift gave a gentle _ ding_. "So. We've got nothing to do. Nearest store is in Bridgeport," he said as they stepped out. He favoured Kaiba with his signature Kubrick chin. "Wanna get some bouillon cubes?" 

Kaiba felt the corners of his lips move as he said, "I thought you'd never ask."

As it turned out, Kaiba had been right not to trust the security of the reception desk hangers, and him and Jounouchi ended up speeding through the still-pouring rain with Kaiba’s longer arms holding the white coat over the pair of them. He couldn’t allow wet dog in his car, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [jou and haga](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab5WvwfLuLM)
> 
> i like to think that kaiba and isis stay in touch despite... everything. not quite friends, and their texts are mainly the woes of being surrounded by idiots, but they do text
> 
> next chapter: an argument


	6. Over the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba and Jounouchi go to a store, then get dinner. It's all fine.

"Still can't believe there isn't a single Walmart within like, two hours of here. I thought we were in America. This is Un-American. I thought this country was supposed to have a Walmart every twenty minutes at least," complained Jounouchi as they perused the shelves stacked with vibrant, cheap merchandise. "Least I can kinda see where Pegasus gets his style from."

Kaiba turned from examining a tinseled feather boa to see Jounouchi with a sequined, purple cowboy hat with a leopard-print band delicately balanced on the ends of his fingers, and an expression of pure disgust on his face. 

"Hm," said Kaiba, plucking the hat from his hands and perching it on the top of Jounouchi's untamable hair, fingertips brushing against the scratchy locks. "No, not your colour," he decided, and flicked it off. The offending article clattered to the floor with entirely too much bother for a lightweight hat. 

The nearest general store to Eagle Peak Springs had been small, quaint, moderately priced and perfectly adequate. Naturally they had taken one look and gotten back in the car. It had taken over an hour of driving and crossing the state line to find the discount variety store, the L'Or Blanc now parked in front, hiding amongst the other vehicles about as effectively as an anime protagonist in a crowd scene, with Kaiba’s white coat in the trunk. Kaiba wasn't quite sure why he was there. He could be working. Or reading. Or doing anything else. Anything other than standing in the party isle of a Family Dollar with Katsuya Jounouchi, who swept the vile hat off the floor and didn't bother bushing it off before slapping it on Kaiba's head. 

"Suits _ you _ perfectly. Oh, accessories!" He shoved a plastic revolver into Kaiba's hand, where Kaiba automatically began spinning it around his index finger by the trigger loop. 

"Six shots," said Kaiba without inflection before throwing it at Jounouchi's crotch with pinpoint accuracy, which Jounouchi immediately clutched with an _ ow, _ more out of reflex than pain. Kaiba swept the hat from his head and held it to his chest in a respectful display of mourning. "Yee-haw," he said with great solemnity, before placing the revolting headwear back where it came from. 

Jounouchi snatched the weapon off the floor. "Throwing things at my junk now? You could at least ask me out to dinner _first_." He punctuated his sentence with a throw aimed at Kaiba's own privates. Fortunately, Kaiba's reflexes were a little faster and the toy gun was smacked away to spin down the aisle, where it eventually came to rest underneath an assortment of Christmas napkins. (_It's fucking_ _May_, thought Kaiba.) They each looked at it, unmoving, in a silent battle of wills over who would be putting it back, until Jounouchi sighed and made the short trip. 

"I want Burger World," he proclaimed as he tossed the item back in the bargain barrel. "I want delicious, salty, reconstituted trash."

"Unfortunately these mountains are rather uncivilised. You may have to settle for decent food instead," warned Kaiba as he examined the dining wares. A wrapped pack of thick, ribbed plastic champagne glasses advertised themselves as having "removable bases!" for purposes Kaiba could not discern. Perhaps people wanted things that were unnecessarily harder to clean. 

Ambling through a variety store with Jounouchi, examining items and occasionally throwing them, was a strange experience in that Kaiba did not notice it was strange. Kaiba noticed the overhead lighting that was somehow harsh and dim at the same time; he noticed the astonishing quantity of ready-to-fall-apart fake denim jackets that he found he had a duty to shepherd Jounouchi away from; he even noticed the Wii U game _ Mighty No. 9 _ on sale for $5. But he didn’t notice that he didn’t check his phone for the entire time he was there, his own state of bored contentment, how easy it was to drift along the aisles with Jounouchi in a lazy search for their excuse for being there, picking up the odd snack or amusing object along the way. (Kaiba kept walking back to the plastic champagne glasses just to stare at them. After a small rant about their uselessness, he realised the removable bases made them easier to store in a stack, which he promptly did not admit.)

Eventually they stepped back out into a world no longer besieged by rain, canvas bag filled with a few toiletries, American snacks - some of which would even make it back to Mokuba - and a single pack of chicken flavour bouillon cubes. 

Unlike the previous downpour of California, the air of Nevada was dry and dusty. The Sierra mountains had long since given way to the sprawl of dusty scrub surrounding whatever small town they'd found themselves in. Low shrubs bobbled the landscape as if it were a well-worn cheap hoodie on a clothesline, rippling in the wind that came across the vast expanse of dirt and provided a little relief from the heat. 

Even before they slipped through the sliding doors Jounouchi was scrambling to open the object of fascination he had obtained. Standing together on the concrete, Kaiba attempted not to let his intrigue show as Jounouchi bit through the plastic wrapper after failing to tear through it with his nails, and cracked open the thematically-shaped pot labelled ‘Light Up Diamond Ooze,' shaking the contents into his palm where it lay glittering in the afternoon sun. Jounouchi stabbed at the object within with a finger and the pink slime made a _ squidge _ sound but otherwise did nothing. 

“Aw man, the light doesn’t work,” said Jounouchi in the voice of dashed hopes. 

“What a loss,” Kaiba deadpanned, starting towards the car. 

“Ah well.” Jounouchi extracted the dead light and threw it in the storefront trash bin with impressive precision and began kneading the glitter-filled putty, which continued to make wet, slimy, smacking sounds. Kaiba tried looking away, but found it considerably more uncomfortable not being able to see the source of the noise. 

Luckily Kaiba didn't have to ask him to pack it away before getting in the car. The snacks emerged in its place instead, Jounouchi extracting some chocolate as Kaiba fired up the engine. 

"That dance thing's probably starting soon," Jounouchi managed around the Reese’s Piece being churned in his mouth. "S'nearly six."

_Nearly six? _Kaiba flicked his head to stare at the digits 17:47 beaming at him from the dashboard. It would take over an hour to drive back. As Kaiba pulled out from his parking spot, he instructed Jounouchi to look for places to eat along their route. "Perhaps you'll find something Burger World-adjacent," he said absentmindedly as he went through the process of checking his mirrors, signalling, turning, checking his way onto the road, enjoying the smoothness of the car's steering. Noticing Jounouchi staring at him out of the corner of his eye he added, "and put your seatbelt on."

Jounouchi gave himself a small shake of the head, snapping his eyes away from Kaiba and strapping himself in. "Rightrightright…" he stuttered, retrieving that annoying LG from his pocket. "You… want to go out?" 

"Yes. Too much risk of being made to perform in Pegasus's ridiculous pantomime if we don't," Kaiba responded. "He already suspects us of entering under false pretenses. If we went, we'd be even more obvious among everyone else."

"He does?! Did he say something? He said something. That's why you…" Jounouchi rambled, hesitantly poking himself on the cheekbone that Kaiba's mouth had touched for a brief second before rounding on him. "Why didn't you tell me he was on to us?"

The idea of telling Jounouchi hadn't even occurred to Kaiba. "You didn't need to know," he said. 

That got Jounouchi's eyebrows furrowing. "Why the hell," he snapped, "wouldn't I need to know? I need to know, asshole!" 

"The threat was made specifically to me, not you," Kaiba said authoritatively. Even to his own ears, his argument was weak. 

"So?! I still need to know about it!" Jounouchi fumed, leaning over the central console to breathe peanut butter breath at Kaiba in a hostile manner. "You said before that there wouldn't be any of… that. That it wasn't necessary. It was confusing!"

Now Kaiba was confused. "Why else would I be kissing you?" he asked flatly. 

"I don't know, I thought you might be doing some kind of weird prank, like we talked about. And don't… don't say it like that," Jounouchi said, pressing back into the far corner of his seat. 

"Say it like what? 'Kissing you'?" 

"Yeah. It sounds weird."

"How else, exactly," Kaiba slowly intoned, "am I supposed to say it, moron?" 

"I don't know!" Jounouchi said in a voice verging on a whine, hand not using his phone in his hair, "maybe just don't do it, then you don't have to say it."

_This is impossible. _Jounouchi seemed far more bothered in the car than he had been when Kaiba had actually done it. "You are impossible," Kaiba declared. "In the future, if I do something 'weird,'" he briefly abandoned the steering wheel in favour of making quotes in the air, "it's for the act. Now you don't have to get worked up about it." 

"Great! Now I know that the next time you decide to,” he screwed up his nose, “_kiss _ me in front of a large audience of people with cameras, it'll just be to convince some stupid asshole not to kick us from a card game tournament. And _ I'm _ the impossible one. Bastard." Jounouchi jabbed at his phone. "Why the hell am I doing this…" 

"I don't understand why you agreed to this, Jounouchi," said Kaiba, "but you did, so deal with it."

An artificial lake in the darkening desert looked alien under the low-hanging sun as they whipped along the highway, and a battered sign with an image of yellow flowers welcomed them back to California. 

"There's a barbeque place in fifteen minutes and then nothing else 'til Bridgeport," Jounouchi announced, "take your pick." 

With that, Jounouchi stabbed a pair of earphones into his ears and _ thunk _ed his head against the window with his arms folded. After a second, he muttered an 'oh, fuck off' at the device in his hands and jabbed at it once more before refolding into a tight knot. The sun carelessly trailed beams of light through the vehicle, its long, soft, neatly shredded fabric dragging over the seats and the dashboard and the piercings in Jounouchi's ear, catching the tangled dry hair that concealed his face should Kaiba try and look at it. 

Not that he tried to look at Jounouchi's face, of course. He had the road to keep an eye on, and the barbeque Jounouchi had mentioned sped by in under ten minutes. 

***

They ground into the gravel lot of Bridgeport's last eatery at 18:39, and Jounouchi slipped out of the car and through the door with more quietness than Kaiba had come to know from him. He followed the sudden master of stealth and found himself in a small, gently lit room of wood panelled walls and beechwood chairs and tables. Decoration was sparse, as were customers, and a whiteboard titled 'Today's Specials' had nothing written on it. Jounouchi had flopped into a chair in a corner without waiting to be seated, and a server stood in the center of the floor with a menu in hand and a pinched expression. 

"I apologise for my companion's rudeness," Kaiba said to him gruffly. "He is resistant to all kinds of behavioral training, but I will join him at his table nevertheless."

"Fuck you," said Jounouchi in a particularly loud mutter. Kaiba vaguely wondered if they'd be recognised without his coat, and wondered even more vaguely if he cared. 

The server's eyes flicked between them in a way that might have been nervous had they the energy. "Sure. They're not reserved or anything, sit where you like."

"I will," responded Kaiba, heels tapping against linoleum as he went to take his seat opposite Jounouchi, who gave out a short, sarcastic _ ha _ as they were given menus and left alone. 

"Always gotta have the last word, huh," he drawled in a listless manner, one hand supporting his resting head, the other raising the single-sheet laminated menu to his eyes. 

Kaiba regarded his own sheet, examining the text in red and green. The designer had a fondness for the Jokerman font, and there was something annoyingly sincere about it. "You can have the last word when you can think of one," Kaiba said dismissively. "I know thinking isn't your strong point, but perhaps in twenty years or so you'll have grown a second brain cell."

Jounouchi slapped his menu down on the table hard enough to make the pot of cutlery shake. "See, this is what I'm talking about! You're so- so- such a-" His mouth worked furiously and his hands clenched as his vocabulary failed him. Kaiba wondered if he would try for a punch. 

"I'm such an asshole? Breaking news, call the press: rich CEO Seto Kaiba is an asshole." 

"And he's _ proud _ of it for some reason."

"I didn't get to where I am by being a nice person."

That earned him some silence, in which their server set iced water, salsa, and chips in a basket on the table, and left again. Kaiba looked up from a list of cheaply priced enchiladas to find Jounouchi still glaring, hands still in fists, but with his head cocked to the side. _Very brown eyes__, _Kaiba observed, and then mentally kicked himself for his idiocy. What on Earth did 'very brown' mean? Kaiba had seen hundreds of brown eyes in his life. 

"But," Jounouchi dared slowly, leaning forward on the table, "you've _ got _ there now. You _ can _ stop, I've seen you do it."

Kaiba looked back down at the list of foods again. He didn't eat Mexican very often, and was struggling to locate something without meat. The tip of Jounouchi's right index finger pressed, warm and sharp nailed, against the underside of Kaiba's chin to tilt his head up, and Kaiba decided on the chile rellenos. He had his lactaid pills after all. 

_Really, really brown_. Kaiba looked at the bridge of his nose. 

"Look, I was in the virtual world too, and I didn't one hundred percent get what was happening, but I think I got enough." Jounouchi's voice was as abrasive as ever, but there was something different about it that Kaiba couldn't put his finger on. Rather than look at Kaiba, he was staring at his own hand. "My old man was a piece of shit too," he confessed. 

In an instant, Gozaburo was erupting in a blaze at his back again, and Kaiba was on fire. The flames licked around him, all over him, blazing along his skin, racing towards the place where Jounouchi touched him. Kaiba shoved the hand away before the flames could reach it. 

"Yes," said Kaiba in what was supposed to be a growl but emerged hoarser, less substantial. "I think you got enough as well."

The hand retracted, fingers curled, to the table as the server came by and took their orders. Jounouchi began to aggressively eat chips. "I get it. You don't want to talk about it and you _ definitely _ don't need a friend's support. Pretty sure we've had this conversation. Just don't expect me to roll over when you treat me like shit because you have to be right all the time. And next time you need someone to pretend to be your boyfriend, get someone else."

Kaiba took a chip and dipped it in salsa. It was cold, had a very smooth consistency, and a biting heat that hit after approximately 0.6 seconds on the tongue. He went back for seconds, and a few minutes passed with only the sound of crunching. 

"Next time someone says something to me that might affect you," Kaiba said eventually, as he found words and made himself say them, "I will tell you."

Jounouchi made a loud, slow _ crunch _ and looked up. "That's the closest thing to an apology I'm gonna get, isn't it?" 

"Yes," admitted Kaiba. 

Jounouchi shrugged, and went back to eating, one corner of his mouth strained upwards in a way that wasn't quite happy. "Close enough," he acquiesced, and Kaiba said nothing in response. 

After another few minutes, their food came, and they busied themselves with eating as a road tripping family came in and filled the room with noise, saving them from having to say anything else. Kaiba watched the children squabble with each other and their parents admonish them, the eldest talking back, the younger two giggling at the whole ordeal. One of the mothers caught him looking and silently replied with a smile and a shrug. 

Jounouchi's hand brushed against the fingers Kaiba had wrapped around his drink, and Kaiba sent a nod back. 

***

It was dark when they finally parked in their spot by the lake, the sun having finally grown tired of watching and layed down on the horizon. Civil twilight allowed only the celestial objects with the lowest apparent magnitudes to twinkle in the bleeding orange and turquoise sky, Mars glowering at the earth below when clouds gave it the chance. Instead of following the path to their chalet, Jounouchi headed in the opposite direction, towards the lake's shore. 

"'M going for a smoke, don't wait up," he reported, crossing the road. 

"I'll join yo-" Kaiba started to call after him, but for the second time in an hour found himself hesitating. He hated the feeling. "Mind if I join you?" he amended. 

Stopping as he reached the short grassy strip before the rocks, Jounouchi turned around to give Kaiba a long look. "... Sure," he said, finally moving along the shore, ignoring the wooden jetty. After retrieving a few items from his coat’s inner pockets and locking the car again, Kaiba followed as Jounouchi lead their small procession past the point where the road bent into the forest and eventually stopped when they came to a large, bleached log, shielded from any passing cars by the thick trees. Jounouchi collapsed on the pebbles in front of it, leaning back against the wood and extracting a battered pack of Seven Stars and a disposable lighter from his jacket.

Kaiba laid down on the log behind him so that his abdomen was level with Jounouchi’s head, and watched as he folded one foot over the other, inches from the calm water. Jounouchi took his first inhalation and relaxed, leaning his head back to breathe out, bumping into Kaiba’s oblique muscle. He turned around to shoot him an irritated look. 

“It’s a filthy habit,” Kaiba said mildly, taking an inhalation of his own. 

The look on Jounouchi’s face was exquisite, and Kaiba found keeping his signature deadpan expression rather difficult. “Is that a- yup. Of course it is. Of _ course _ you have a fucking Blue-Eyes vape pen.”

Kaiba blew vapour out of his nostrils.

Jounouchi watched with his mouth slightly open, cigarette held limply in his hand as Kaiba took another drag from the small dragon’s mouth. “You’re the most ridiculous person alive, you know that right?”

“I don’t know _ what _ you’re talking about,” said Kaiba, blowing out a vapour ring and twirling it with a finger. 

“You know how I know you’re gay?” said Jounouchi, no longer caring about leaning his head against Kaiba’s side, watching him toy with the smoke. “You’re smoking bubblegum vape.”

Jounouchi's mouth was twitching at the edges. “Made you laugh,” Kaiba almost said. Instead, he let them settle into a companionable silence. 

The scents of bubblegum and tobacco mingled in the air for as long as the gentle breeze let them, swimming through the pines and running its fins through Kaiba's hair as he lay on his back, one arm folded over his stomach, the other dangling down to so as not to elbow his companion in the head. The wind cooled his skin where he'd rolled up his sleeves and he absentmindedly fiddled with the pebbles. 

"Why did you enter this thing?" Jounouchi asked suddenly. "You don't compete in pro circuits anymore, and this isn't even that. Flying us both out here, pretending we're dating… it's a lot of effort for something so little league."

"You already figured that out," Kaiba answered easily. "I am going to win so I can prove how ridiculous this whole concept is. _ Love _ and _ friendship _ have nothing to do wi-" 

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard your whole shtick before. I just…" Kaiba felt Jounouchi's eyes on him, and kept his own on the rumpled sky. "...think this is a lot of work for a 'gotcha' moment."

Kaiba took another inhalation, disliking this line of questioning. "If you can't play along, say so."

"What? No! Not what I meant, I'm not backing down _ now, _'Specially now I know Pegasus is running this thing. I hate that prick, and we’ve been kicking ass together, even if it's your ass that really needs kicking."

They were. Their decks complimented each other, far better than Kaiba’s and Yuugi’s would. "You're welcome to try. It's never gone well for you," said Kaiba. 

"It's just," Jounouchi ignored him and took a drag of his rapidly diminishing cigarette, "it's been a lot, you know? We’ve been dueling really well together, and I’m… happy for you, but I don't… everyone thinks I'm gay now. Gay for _ you_. And I know you're gonna set that straight - _ ha _\- tomorrow but it's still… " He trailed off, staring at the water. "Y'know… Mai's here too and…" he tried again. 

It was the opening Kaiba had forgotten he was looking for. "What about Kujaku?" he asked. "I would've thought if anyone would know you're bluffing, it's her. I remember you were fairly obsessive at one point."

Jounouchi threw a rock into the water where it landed with a _ plop_, sending ripples along the surface. "Why does everyone always say that?" he grumbled. "She had her _ soul stolen_, and everyone acts like me giving a shit about it means I wanted into her pants. Anzu and Honda were always saying to go for it, she's super hot - yeah, no shit - even Serenity thought I should ask her out. She's my type; cool, competent, kinda mean, legs for days. So I… I tried. I really liked her. When I saw her again we went out, and it was fun! But like… "

Kaiba watched as he forlornly stubbed out his cigarette on a rock, wrapped it in an empty Reese's Pieces paper cup and put it in his pocket. "She wasn't interested in you," he surmised dully. 

"Not that. I realised _I_ wasn't interested in _her_." Jounouchi let out a huff of laughter. "After all that! It wasn’t _ bad_, but I felt nothing. Nothing at all - and you're supposed to, aren't you? I spent so much time working up the nerve to do something, and then… nothing. We're still friends, but it's a little weird seeing her in person again." 

Jounouchi threw another rock, and then another, Kaiba watching his twitching fingers. "And what if I do that again?" Jounouchi stressed, "spend years mooning over someone, only to finally tell them, do something, and feel nothing. I'd have strung them along. They'd hate me."

Kaiba's stomach churned under his hand. Jounouchi clearly had someone in mind. "You haven't talked about this with anyone else, have you," he stated. 

"No. Yuugi kinda knows but I didn't need to say anything."

Yuugi… Jounouchi had always been rather devoted to him - to the point of potential death. He was cooperating in this whole charade because Yuugi asked him, after all. 

"How would _ you _ feel, if someone did that to you?" Jounouchi asked. His voice had a hushed quality, and his head was tilted to the jagged line opposite where the mountains met sky. 

"I'd hate them," Kaiba responded truthfully, and Jounouchi threw another rock. 

As he watched the gently rippling water, Kaiba wondered if his thoughts on Jounouchi's little crisis would be a cause of relief or anger. They weren't friends, he remembered. Hell, they had spent most of their time together across the years attempting to piss the other off as fast as possible, often succeeding. Jounouchi was telling him all this because of his outsider status; he couldn't affect the group dynamic, it didn't matter what he thought. Usually Kaiba would tell Jounouchi exactly what he thought of him without restraint, but there were some topics that were sensitive. 

Then again, sometimes people really did need a wake up call, and a subject being sensitive had never stopped Kaiba before. 

"Chasing an unattainable woman only to lose interest as soon as you reach her?" he commented. 

"Yeah…" 

"Interested in any other women?" 

"Well, one time Anzu got a cold that made her voice all gravelly. That was kinda hot."

"How very specific and inappropriate. Men?" 

"Uh, sometimes? I’ve had a few," Jounouchi cleared his throat, “experiences.” 

"You lost interest because you're gay, in my professional opinion."

Jounouchi didn't look at him, staying staring at the water, silent for a few minutes "Yeah," he said eventually. "Doesn't mean I wanted to admit it by pretending to date you at a Duel Monsters tournament, though." He threw another rock at the water, but it fell short, and the splash freshened up his shoes and jeans. Swearing, he stood up. "Well, I think that's enough deep shit for me today. I'm ready to not think for a while, preferably by being unconscious."

Lifting himself from the tree trunk, Kaiba reached out to touch Jounouchi's wrist as he made to leave, and didn't look at him as he felt him turn. "I'm sorry," said Kaiba, the words stumbling out with surprising ease. 

"...Thanks," Jounouchi responded, and Kaiba let go. Jounouchi stayed there, unmoving. "Your hair looks messy," he mumbled.

Drawing his hand back, settling on his elbows, Kaiba looked up. Jounouchi stood towards the sunset, reflecting yellow-gold where the sun could still reach him, and turning blue-black shadow where it couldn’t. It accentuated his rumpled clothing, the lines of his neck, his own tangled hair. His eyes were lost in that dark, but his skin was glowing. Kaiba spared a thought to whether he was glowing too, or if, with the sun behind him, he was lost in shadow. 

“And yours looks like shit,” he responded. 

Jounouchi’s trainers made little noise against the shore, and he quickly faded away into the night. Not watching him leave, Kaiba layed back to observe the very last of the orange bleed out of the summer sky, the cirrus clouds glinting red, violet, in the darkening blue. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny voice in the back of my brain: yknow, its ygo fic. I don't think anyone will care if its not 100% accurate  
me, googling what celestial objects were visible on the 30th of may 2019 at 20:04 from Sacramento, california: kaiba would want me to be as pedantic as possible
> 
> i apologise if i have misrepresented family dollar. being english, i dont get to go there very often
> 
> next chapter: the dawn of the final duels. its lighter than this one
> 
> (also: i wrote another kaijou fic! its a oneshot and has a very, very stupid premise. i am entirely too proud of it. feel free to check it out)


	7. Keeping up Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jounouchi can't tie a tie properly. Kaiba can.

When Kaiba returned to the cabin, Jounouchi was already under the covers with his eyes closed, hair damp and snoring softly, fingers curled loosely around his phone. Slipping into his side of the bed, Kaiba quickly found himself wandering through a miasma of strange, half-realised four dimensional colors and fabrics. He drifted from scene to scene, participating little and understanding even less, until his final destination. 

On a dark, damp street filled with fog and the light patter of water that couldn’t really be called rain, Jounouchi’s house was an odd building. Definitely not what Kaiba had expected. It was a tower at the end of its otherwise standard concrete block, formed of dark purple scale-like tiles, seven stories high, thinning and thickening as Kaiba examined it. The place didn't suit him, Kaiba thought in a daze as he entered the threshold with no need for a door and found himself in a wide, ugly bar full of modernist furniture. 

"Let's make some space," said Jounouchi, and promptly vanished all the chairs. 

Settling down on the floor next to him, brushing close, Kaiba felt himself become overwhelmed with weariness and didn't put up much of a fight with his heavy eyelids. Rapidly losing consciousness he felt a sudden, horrific, shifting presence on his chest; a weight, a being, and he felt Jounouchi's warm body against his side and warmer breath on his face as he whispered, "I think something's moving in there."

Kaiba woke instantly, ribbed sunlight streaming onto him through the blinds, ribcage bruised by the pounding in his chest.

It was an unusual state of affairs when Kaiba woke to the sound of voices, real voices, in the main room, and an absence in the bed beside him. Stumbling to his feet, horrified at himself for sleeping as late as 9:32 on a day like this, he swallowed chlorpromazine on autopilot and was too groggy to remember he was unfit for company before he went to investigate. 

"Jou, what-" 

"Morning, Kaiba," waved a familiar young woman from where she and Jounouchi sat on the couch, devouring an enormous box of doughnuts that she held in her lap. Elbowing Jounouchi in the side, she asked in what was likely supposed to be a whisper, "he calls you _ Jou_?" 

Jounouchi indicated the doughnut in his mouth instead of responding, and made a garbled "good morning" in Kaiba's direction. He sat with his legs swung over the armrest, back settled into the woman's side, a remote in his hand, and Kaiba noticed his hair looked soft. The TV screen showed a library of mainly English language media available for Eagle Peak guests to consume, a highlight flicking from movie to movie and occasionally releasing a star to drift upwards and vanish as Jounouchi bookmarked something. To Kaiba's surprise, he was already dressed in jeans and his idiotic lucky Duel Monsters shirt. It was an upside-down world where Jounouchi was up and dressed while Kaiba was meeting guests in his night clothes. 

Well, he could try and retain some of his dignity at least. "... Mazaki," he nodded stiffly, "you're here to watch us duel."

She raised her fist to the sky in mock victory. "And he remembers my name, even after all these years. Score one for Anzu Mazaki. Well don't just stand there, sit down, grab a doughnut before Jou eats them all."

A small shard of frosting flew from Jounouchi's mouth as it worked around the doughnut it churned to say _ hey _, Kaiba’s body slowly settling down on Mazaki's other side despite his brain screaming for it to do anything else. Folding his legs underneath him as he pressed into the corner, Kaiba was hyper aware of how out of his element he was. He was also vaguely amused to note none of their feet touched the ground - Mazaki didn't seem to care that they could see her boxers as her cross-legged position hiked her plaid skirt up. 

"I like your pajamas, by the way," she told him, eyeing the stitched on Rodan. Kaiba had never felt more exposed in his life, but he could hardly admit defeat by getting up _ now. _

Small talk. He was supposed to make small talk. He could manage that. "I almost didn't recognise you without the bob," he lied. 

Mazaki stopped looking at him like a duelist looks at a face down card and relaxed, running her fingers along the now cropped hair. "God, I know. First thing I did when I got here - lose the locks. Annoying to keep maintained, even worse to dance with. Plus, it's a hit with the ladies," she winked, before turning to slap Jounouchi's hand away from the box. "You've already had loads, let Kaiba have some."

Reaching into the box, Kaiba daintily retrieved a doughnut that looked like it might kill him with sugar and took a bite. "I also," he briefly looked at Jounouchi, "didn't know you were coming."

"I didn't know if I'd get the day off. Thought I'd surprise you both if I did."

"Hm," said Kaiba, chewing. The drive from San Francisco would have likely taken near five hours, and Mazaki's eyelids had a certain slowness to their blinking despite the multiple empty disposable cups on the low coffee table. Kaiba remembered Jounouchi's sleeping form the night before, passed out still loosely holding his phone. In times of trouble, the friendship troupe always banded together. Kaiba swallowed. "Is that peanut butter?" he asked, indicating one of the remaining doughnuts. 

"Yeah."

"Jounouchi may have it," Kaiba consented, taking another one of the others. "It is one of the human foods safe for dogs’ consumption, it would be inconsiderate to deprive him."

Jounouchi made an indignant noise and Mazaki grinned. "All yours, Jou," she announced, and Kaiba decided that when she wasn't in defence mode, she was perfectly tolerable. "Found anything interesting yet? Oh, they have _ Pride & Prejudice_!" Mazaki grabbed the remote and highlighted the film. _ In 19th century England, the Bennet sisters must make suitable matches. For Elizabeth, it's certainly not Mr. Darcy _ read the description. A cartoon heart indicated it was one of Pegasus's favourites.

"Not right now, yeah?" Jounouchi suggested, rubbing his forehead, eyes flicking momentarily to Kaiba before refocusing on the screen. "I'm sure Kaiba doesn't wanna watch any of that romantic crap."

Kaiba hadn't even been asked if he would join them. Their assumption of his participation was rather annoying, but inexplicably he found himself reluctant to move. When Mazaki pouted and turned to him, he raised an eyebrow. "I have not seen this film, but Jounouchi is for once correct in his assumption," he informed her, "even a broken clock, they say."

"Ugh. We used to watch English stuff together before I moved, to help me prepare, and I'm telling you he just doesn't want you to see how much he cries at it," Mazaki said conspiratorially as Jounouchi hit her on the arm. Kaiba wondered if swatting each other constantly was a normal thing for friends to do. "What've you bookmarked then?" she asked, turning to Jounouchi. 

Snatching the remote back from Mazaki's thieving hands, Jounouchi brought up the movies that had passed his no doubt rigorous selection process, which was evidently still a work in progress as he muttered something incomprehensible and removed a few animated films_ . _ Kaiba did, however, spot something that appealed to him on a more visceral level. If Kaiba was going to be pressed into this activity, he could at least choose a passable film. 

"_Rogue Nation_," he said without preamble. 

His two companions turned to give him identical knowing looks, and Kaiba suddenly felt defensive. "It's a well crafted piece of cinema," he insisted.

Jounouchi's first smile of the morning emerged as he hit play, and Mazaki was no less amused. "It is. It's also got a great motorcycle chase in it. I'm sure that in no way affects your decision, you adrenaline junkie," she said as the opening logos rolled and the steady thrum of a familiar theme started, "I just hope you can deal with Jou failing to handle his little crush on Tom Cruise the whole time."

Jounouchi immediately erupted into a fountain of denial that didn't do anything to refute Mazaki's claim. "I just think he's super competent is all! He does so many of his own stunts - he really did hang off the side of a plane for this film! He did his own singing for _ Rock of Ages_! Did you know he can hold his breath underwater for six minutes?" he babbled to them both, gesticulating wildly with his hands. "Six minutes, Anzu! Scientology might be onto something." 

"I'm not sure that's entirely accu-" 

"Shh, Kaiba," interrupted Mazaki, wrapping an arm around Jounouchi’s shoulders. "Let him have his fantasy of Tom Cruise using those six minutes on him personally."

Jounouchi's face was entirely hidden by his hands, but Kaiba was fairly certain it had gone some shade of red anyway. "I hate you," he groaned into his palms, but he still leaned into the one armed hug. With that utterly abysmal taste he certainly needed the comfort. 

Somewhat unsurprisingly, Mazaki soon began to drift off on Jounouchi's shoulder. He rearranged himself to lean into his couch corner with her head against his side, and they turned the volume down and slipped into a comfortable quiet. After a brief bathroom interlude, it was easy for Kaiba to get caught up in the rush of the action, although he did gain brief amusement from making eye contact with Jounouchi during a scene that involved Cruise without a shirt, which resulted in a muttered _ fuck off _ and Jounouchi turning away very quickly. Truly he had horrifically bad taste. Watching him on screen, Kaiba supposed Cruise was documented to be charismatic. And short. Kaiba found himself overwhelmed with a sudden and immense dislike for the man. 

It was as the British Prime Minister informed William Brandt that he had very warm hands that Kaiba was alarmed to realise he had completely forgotten his morning shower. And that he was still in his pajamas at 11:26, curled up on a couch with two of Yuugi's friendship troupe when he had somewhere to be in 33 minutes. Muttering a quiet but not unfeeling _ fuck _ he shot to his feet and moved to wash himself as quickly as possible. 

"Where're you going?" Jounouchi asked. "I can pause."

Brushing past Mazaki, Kaiba made his way to the bathroom door next to Jounouchi's end of the couch. "Shower. No time."

"_Again_? I swear you shower constantly, you smell fine."

Kaiba paused, fingers resting on the door handle as he held it slightly ajar. In Jounouchi's new position his upper body curled over the armrest and leaned his head towards where Kaiba hovered, level with his hips. Jounouchi's nose twitched. 

"You make a habit of sniffing people, mutt?" Kaiba asked with a raised brow. 

"I change my mind rich-boy, you smell grosser than the coin stacks you sleep on," Jounouchi retorted and blew a raspberry, barbell sticking out against his upper lip as he turned back to watch the film. "You'll have to just stink up the arena. Maybe it'll work as gorilla warfare."

"Guerrilla."

"Yeah, gorilla."

31 minutes. And, Kaiba realised, Jounouchi wasn't ready either. He reached under the coffee table to retrieve Mokuba's package. Perhaps they didn't strictly speaking _need_ to wear them, but Kaiba wanted to show off his brother's work. Such a shame that Jounouchi had already managed to get dressed by himself.

Jounouchi looked skeptical. "I'm not sure about that. I've never worn anything like it before."

"And now is your opportunity, deadbeat."

Mazaki lifted her head to blink bleary-eyed at the bundles of clothing as Kaiba dumped the dark one in front of Jounouchi. "You guys got matching suits?"

"They're from Mokuba," Kaiba and Jounouchi retorted simultaneously as Kaiba took his clothing towards the bedroom. He paused as he opened the door to offer Jounouchi a quick direction thinly disguised as a suggestion. "The bathroom will be free. You may wish to shave," he said, and shut the door behind him, muffling any response. 

Kaiba questioned Jounouchi's nostrils as he shed his night clothes (they smelled quite distinctly of sweat, and he wished he had brought a second set). He had thought Mokuba's suit consisted of his usual colours, but upon closer examination discovered that the white was actually a pale, heathered pink. There was no suit jacket included, and Kaiba gathered he was to wear his long coat. It was an essential part of his dueling appearance after all, and the pink suit partnered with the red lining of the coat. A whisper-thin navy shirt had a printed note inside reading _ wear buttons half-done up over turtleneck_, and Kaiba had already known his little brother was a genius, but it was nice to be reminded. 

When he returned to the main area Jounouchi had vanished, the bathroom door was shut, and Kaiba reflected that he should have sorted out his hair first. _ Damn it_. Pouring himself a glass of tap water and chugging it, Kaiba felt the higher-than-usual number of layers he wore constrict his torso. 

_Well_, he thought, glaring at the window, eyes flicking in focus between the landscape and his reflection, _ at least it isn't raining. _

"Huh. You don't usually wear pink. Matches my old school uniform, kinda," commented Mazaki from where she now lay along the couch, sinking into its cushions. 

Kaiba didn't turn around. "As I said, Mokuba designed them."

A pause. "Want me to take a photo for him?" Mazaki asked. 

An odd suggestion. Mokuba already knew how it looked, and doubtless there would be people 'discreetly' taking photographs throughout the day. Walking through the streets of Domino, Kaiba frequently saw people photograph each other and themselves: with landmarks, with food, with anything, any excuse. Despite his attention-demanding presence, Kaiba didn't enjoy being photographed. It was too intruding. Video did not bother him so much, but there was something about seeing himself, unmoving, that was threatening. And yet… 

Mazaki sat waiting for an answer. "Yes," Kaiba said, turning, "he would like that."

At the exact moment he spoke, Jounouchi burst from the bathroom, small chain in hand. "Exactly _ what," _he asked, shaking it, "am I supposed to do with this?" 

Despite the fact that it must have been designed and made in less than two days, Jounouchi's suit fitted him well. The deep blue waistcoat and trousers looked rather snug wrapped around him, a far cry from the usual threadbare clothing he wore. The tie had clearly caused some trouble, untidily knotted far too loosely around Jounouchi’s collar with the thin end sticking out at the bottom of the waistcoat. His hair prevented him from ever looking too put together, but it appeared softer than usual, and the untidy, uneven stubble he’d been sporting had been replaced with an even glaze and a nick along the left of his jaw, along with a pimple that Kaiba wanted to pick with his nails. Mazaki said something complimentary, but the specifics of her phrasing passed Kaiba by as he strode forwards to fix the problem area. 

Plucking the chain from Jounouchi’s hand and setting it aside, Kaiba set to work unbuttoning the waistcoat, turning up the stiff collar. 

"What are y- oh, okay, _ mom_. I thought I did fine." 

"As proud of you as I am for attempting a thought, you might want to try again," Kaiba responded without much thought of his own as he unravelled the knot. Jounouchi had somehow managed to pull it far too tight, and Kaiba jostled him a little in undoing it. 

Jounouchi tilted his head up unnecessarily - how much room did he think tying a tie needed? - and said, “How come I have to deal with this thing, and you’re wearing a fucking unbuttoned shirt over a turtleneck instead?” 

“I make it work,” Kaiba reasoned, threading the tie around Jounouchi’s neck again. Adjusting how it lay to ensure it would be the correct length when done, Kaiba took Jounouchi’s hand. 

Jounouchi pulled it back. “What are you doing?” he asked quickly, a slight jitter in his voice.

“Getting a reference,” Kaiba answered, taking his hand forward again, laying Jounouchi’s arm straight down his front to touch his leg. Pulling a little on each end, Kaiba yanked Jounouchi towards him slightly as he leaned down and adjusted the fat end of the tie to reach the tips of Jounouchi’s fingers. Satisfied, he began to loop the length of fabric around itself this way and that, forming a simple four-in-hand. He doubted Jounouchi would appreciate anything more delicate. Kaiba ran his fingertips along the underside of the strip to ensure it sat around Jounouchi's neck properly, turned down his collar, and began to cinch the knot. Jounouchi’s throat flexed, and he shifted his weight to follow Kaiba's tugging. “Too tight?” Kaiba asked, finally looking up at Jounouchi’s face. 

There was a flush creeping across Jounouchi’s cheeks, and his eyes were focused on the ceiling. “No, no, it’s fine.”

Kaiba began to pull a little tighter, just to see what would happen, and Mazaki cleared her throat. Suppressing a jolt and turning to look at her, Kaiba saw she held up the chain in her fingers. “It’s a collar chain,” she explained, voice curiously flat, and indicated the two pins on either end. “I don’t think you usually wear them with a tie, though.”

Kaiba removed his hands from Jounouchi’s sternum. “So it’s an alternative, in case he didn’t like the tie,” he surmised.

Beside him, Jounouchi released a chestful of air. “_Now _ you tell me,” he complained, walking forward to snatch the accessory out of Mazaki’s hand. “Well, I’ve got the tie on now.” He held it up against his collar and examined himself in the mirror by the door. “Too much?”

Kaiba, who was wearing a black turtleneck, a navy shirt, a pale pink waistcoat, and his Duel Monster card locket, responded, “Of course not.” 

Jounouchi had trouble getting the little golden chain symmetrical, but Kaiba decided he could handle this accessory himself. Besides, Mazaki was giving him a watchful look that unsettled him, so Kaiba found his comb in the bathroom and wetted it, attempting to sort himself out. The conditioning spray would have to do, and Kaiba retrieved the bottle from his wash bag that sat next to Jounouchi's meagre toiletries - a disposable toothbrush, toothpaste, a bottle of hairspray. A pack of razors Kaiba had selected at Family Dollar now lay opened on the counter, and Kaiba had certainly put the lid back on his antiperspirant last time he had used it. Kaiba applied plasters to his heels and tried to think how he'd feel if it was Yuugi using his things. Irritated, probably. 

Jounouchi was scratching at his jaw in the mirror when Kaiba returned, feeling the freshly shortened stubble. He really was terrible at growing facial hair, Kaiba didn't know why he tried when he looked far better with it shaved down to a fine speckle. "Man, do you shave every day?" Jounouchi asked, chin up, turning from examining himself to eye Kaiba's jaw. "Your skin always looks so smooth."

"Electrolysis." 

The door was open and Mazaki and her shoes had both vanished. Jounouchi pulled on the oxfords he'd been supplied and wiggled them experimentally. "What did you need razors for then?" 

"_I _ didn't," answered Kaiba with a pointed look, and got called an asshole for his trouble. He tied the laces on his own new shoes, and hoped the bandages he'd applied would reduce the incoming discomfort. 

On schedule to be fashionably late, the pair passed through the door into a warm, almost cloudless day. Jounouchi elected to forgo the suit jacket provided in favour of his battered green leather one, citing that the pockets were bigger. It was cropped somewhat shorter than the suit jacket, and Kaiba noted that he really should ask Mokuba how he had gotten hold of Jounouchi's measurements. 

They made it all of 6.87 meters before Jounouchi claimed defeat and turned back, leaving Kaiba and Mazaki hovering on the path together as he vanished back into the chalet to change into the safety of his Air Maxes. 

Mazaki was eyeing him again. This time, Kaiba met her gaze. "You wanna know why I never cut my hair off until I moved?" she asked.

"Not particularly."

She ignored him. "When I was at home, it was part of me. I was afraid of changing that image of me that everyone knew: my friends, my parents. Ridiculous, right? When I moved away, that image didn't matter so much. So I did it, and I'm more comfortable, and my friends have even said they like it."

Kaiba folded his arms and assumed an expression that told people to get to the point. Maybe he had deemed her decent company too soon. 

"It can be tough to change how we look, but it can be worth it," Mazaki continued. "Know what I mean?" 

Kaiba had a dismissive response about to stream from his mouth but was interrupted by Jounouchi bounding back down the path and looking curiously between them. The breeze wafted around his hair. It really did look silkier than normal, and Kaiba realised he must've brushed it for once. And shampooed. Possibly even conditioned before treating it to a lower-than-usual dose of hairspray. "What's with the serious faces? C'mon, let's get going," he prodded. 

"Oh, we were just talking about haircuts," Mazaki assured him as they set off again, Kaiba walking behind the other two. "The pair of you haven't changed your hair once in at least six years."

"Hey, I cut mine shorter once."

"That was because you got super glue in it, Jou."

"So? It still counts. Anyway, you can't improve on our mullet perfection," argued Jounouchi from in front of him. "Besides, Kaiba's spicing it up today," he glanced back to look. "Wavier." Seeing Kaiba glare at him, he shrugged. "What?"

Kaiba continued to glare at the back of his head as they made their way through the trees and moved onto even more banal conversational topics he had no interest in participating in, and cursed himself for forgetting to shower. 

When they reached the lake, Mazaki made good on her offer of a photo. "Say 'duel!'" she sang, and Jounouchi threw one hand up in a peace sign. The other settled on Kaiba’s shoulders, where its warmth seeped in even through the layers of clothing. 

"Duel!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an eagle eyed reader may have noticed jou has made references to two tom cruise movies before this chapter
> 
> [also this is them on the couch](https://dominocity.tumblr.com/post/188811399639/me-and-all-my-gay-friends-trying-to-sit-together)
> 
> [i also tried to draw kaiba's outfit but i'm no Artiste.](https://ton.twitter.com/i/ton/data/dm/1197162366397493252/1197162350912196608/s7-FvmNd.jpg) i sent it to my friends and they said he needed a digital pocket watch, so i count it a fashion success
> 
> next chapter: FINAL DUELS BABEY THIS CAN ONLY END WELL
> 
> ive had so many lovely comments i may have cried at some of them thank u for reading


	8. Trouble in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jounouchi does something 'weird.' Kaiba makes a speech.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba has a fairly bad hallucination this chapter. Don't know it it needs a warning, but better safe than sorry. Starts just after the final duel.

"He suspects we're faking, you said?" Jounouchi whispered as the elevator reached the dueling floor. 

Kaiba nodded, and Jounouchi looked him up and down before grabbing his hand as they stepped out. Mazaki wished them luck before heading off to find a seat. 

It seemed everyone who was competing in Battle Paradise - and quite a few people who weren't - had turned up to fill the raised seats of the hall. Kaiba supposed Eagle Peak Springs must have non-duelist guests educating themselves, or perhaps people had travelled to watch. Seeing as these were the final matches and therefore more likely to be worthy of spectating, Pegasus had gotten a film crew set up to livestream the duels across the globe. Kaiba wondered if Mokuba and Yuugi would be watching. He hadn't heard from either of them that day, and spared a thought for Yuugi's grandfather. Just one thought, though. Kaiba wasn't sentimental. 

They were briefly harassed for interviews and both deflected questions about their relationship, Jounouchi's fingers tightening around Kaiba's, but one decent reporter asked about the suits and Kaiba jumped on the opportunity to talk about Mokuba instead. Apparently the reporter found Jounouchi's decision to wear a waistcoat and suit trousers with a leather jacket and sneakers endearing. Kaiba indicated agreement. It _ was _ very him. 

"Will we see the great, private Seto Kaiba and his boyfriend dance tonight?" she asked playfully. 

"_Uh _, we have a duel to get to," Jounouchi interjected before Kaiba could respond, and tugged Kaiba towards their arena, fingers still wrapped around his rather than being interlocked. Kaiba's metacarpals were squeezed together tightly in his grip. 

Their third duel was against Kujaku and Sam, which Kaiba thought spoke volumes about the abilities of everyone who had let _ Sam _ get this far. It was unfortunate that Kujaku had such an incompetent parter who was more hindrance than help, otherwise she could have been quite a threat. As it was, Harpie’s Pet Dragon was no match for Red-Eyes, let alone Blue-Eyes. Mazaki cheered them from the stands. 

Pegasus sang them through to the semi-finals. Instead of offering a hand or a hug like he had before, Jounouchi surprised Kaiba by simply leaving at an astonishingly fast walking speed to shake Kujaku and Sam’s hands. 

“𝒯𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓁𝑒?” Pegasus asked sweetly in his new LED light-up red heart-patterned suit while Kaiba grit his teeth. He stood across from them in another arena, battling the two children as contestants of all people. Pegasus was winning. 

Two more duels. Two more duels, and Kaiba could tell this man to go fuck himself. 

***

Kaiba recognised their fourth opponents from around the resort, but didn’t know their names and didn’t bother learning either of them. Their decks were a little more annoying than their previous opponents’ had been, however. 

“Nice try, Kaiba! I activate my trap card, Nordic Relic Megingjord, and apply its effect to Thor, Lord of the Aesir. This doubles Thor's attack and defence points for the rest of the turn, raising them higher than your dragon's attack. Your attacking monster is destroyed!”

Kaiba made a frustrated noise as their life points ticked down by 2500. Blue-Eyes Ultimate was sent to the graveyard and Kaiba refused to flinch at the shattering animation. He would be able to bring it back, but he would have to wait until his next turn, and it was still grating. 

He gritted his teeth. "I end my tu-" 

"Not so fast!" Jounouchi interrupted him. "I activate _ my _ trap card, Time Machine. This card allows me to summon back a monster that was just sent to the graveyard by battle. So give a big warm welcome back to Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon!"

Kaiba's monster shimmered back into life before him and roared to the ceiling, and he took a moment to admire it before switching his gaze to Jounouchi. 

Jounouchi glanced back with a look that indicated he thought Kaiba was being weird. "What? I've got your back," he said, turning back to the field. 

They ended up winning with 1800 life points out of 16,000 remaining. Pegasus waved from the next arena over again, and Toon Summoned Skull batted its eyelashes and waggled its claws from where it hovered over the field. “𝐹𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝒹𝓊𝑒𝓁 𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝓉 𝒻𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝑜'𝒸𝓁𝑜𝒸𝓀. 𝒮𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒!” he sang, and Kaiba ignored him in favour of marching Jounouchi away to prepare. Neither of them spoke in the elevator towards one of the lounges on the floor below, and going over strategy Jounouchi was purely business. It was unsettling, and Kaiba almost asked what was wrong. 

Toon World wouldn’t get the best of Kaiba now, especially without the Millenium Eye to cheat with - mind reading? _ No_, it _ had _ to be some sort of gadget linked to a camera, positioned to look at people's cards - but he’d rather not take any chances. Pegasus was going to lose. 

***

Pegasus was not going to lose. 

“This is bullshit!” Jounouchi growled, shuffling one of his opponent’s decks, “Bull-shit.” Kaiba wasn’t sure he agreed with him. He’d have gone with _ fucking _ bullshit _ . _ Then again, it had been fucking bullshit that Pegasus was in the tournament in the first place, so this new twist made him angry on principle more than anything else. He’d been looking forward to wiping the floor with Pegasus’s stupid heart-suited, silver-haired ass. 

Instead, Haga and Ryuzaki were sniggering as they shuffled their decks. Kaiba didn’t feel like being particularly delicate with Haga’s. 

“𝒪𝒽, 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝓊𝓃𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒽𝑜𝒹𝑜𝓍, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼’𝒹 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓁𝒾𝒻𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝓊𝓃𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉𝓁𝓎, 𝐼 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎!” Pegasus explained in mournful tone that was, surprisingly, convincingly sincere for once. “𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒷𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓁𝓁, 𝐼’𝓂 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑜𝓃, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝒶 𝒸𝑒𝓁𝑒𝒷𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝒻 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒹𝒹𝓈!” he assured them before sweeping away to take his seat in the stands. 

"You planned this, didn't you," hissed Jounouchi as he shoved Ryuzaki's deck back at him. "You got yourselves kicked out so you could get back in when you'd only have to duel once."

Haga giggled awkwardly in his trademark hiccuping manner. "_ Ha, _yes, you got us, that was definitely the plan. The completely deliberate, totally planned out plan, yes,” he jabbered nasally.

_Morons_. Perhaps Kaiba could duel Pegasus after they'd won, after they'd revealed their deception and proved how farcical this whole tournament was. Although looking at what had happened, Battle Paradise didn't seem to need any help with that. 

Wait. After _ they'd _ won? When had Kaiba started thinking like _ that_? 

Still, there was no chance of Haga and Ryuzaki winning. Kaiba's cards specifically picked for countering Pegasus's Toons would likely be useless, but he doubted they would be in any trouble against these two. He didn't know what their exact dinosaur-and-insect-themed stratagem would be but it didn't matter. Sure, they were both seasoned duelists still in the game with national championship experience, but neither of them had even been able to beat Jounouchi when he was an _ amateur_, let alone either Jounouchi or Kaiba _ now_. 

The four of them took their places at opposite ends of the hall. The air was filled with mechanical whirring as the four arenas folded and merged into one enormous battlefield surrounded by the mountains through the glass walls. Standing together on the north side, Jounouchi gave Kaiba a long, strange look that he couldn’t decode. He held his hands oddly, fingers flexing, as he leaned in close to Kaiba and whispered, "Remember what you said, about if you did anything 'weird'?" Kaiba nodded, and was flashed a weak grin. "Would suck if Pegasus kicked us now," Jounouchi rushed out, before standing on his tiptoes to swiftly, indelicately, press his lips to Kaiba's.

Both of Jounouchi’s hands were warm on Kaiba’s jaw and neck, tilting his face, and Kaiba swayed slightly. Before his eyes could fall closed, someone wolf whistled and Jounouchi slid from Kaiba's skin. Jounouchi turned away even faster than he’d approached, avoiding Kaiba’s eyes, leaving him to fight his own fingers that wanted to feel the point of impact. Kaiba didn't know what his expression was, but he hated the room, the people, and the cameras that caught it. His mouth felt cold. 

"𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜𝓌," Pegasus's amplified voice rang through the hall, "𝒹𝓊𝑒𝓁!" 

***

“Due to tag duel rules, I can use Haga’s graveyard as my own, meaning I can banish cards from _ his _ graveyard! I banish his destroyed monster to raise Evilswarm Salamandra’s attack by 300, combining with my Jurassic World field spell for a total of 2450 attack points!” Ryuzaki shouted gleefully across the field. There were microphones on the SolidVision interface, but old habits die hard and each duelist spent their turn damaging their vocal chords. 

This time, it was Red-Eyes shattering into pieces. Neither side’s life points had taken significant hits, and they had each only taken one turn, but were already dealing each other significant blows. Kaiba knew they would bring the dragon back just as quickly, but… 

_You know, _ a memory of Jounouchi’s voice rang in Kaiba’s brain, _ this plan of yours only works out if we win. Otherwise you're just an idiot on a three day long date. _

Kaiba resisted the urge to shake his head to himself. Losing simply wasn't possible. 

Haga and Ryuzaki’s strategy emerged, simple, yet effective: Haga would use the effects of his Ultimate Insect LV monsters, sending them to the graveyard in series to summon Ultimate Insect LV 7, which reduced the attack and defence of all of Kaiba and Jounouchi’s monsters by 700. Ryuzaki would then banish the Ultimate Insects in Haga’s graveyard to raise the attack of his Evilswarm Salamandras, and use Black Brachios to change any monster on the field to defence position. Repeat adding defensive traps and wall monsters each turn. Simple, yet effective. 

It could've worked. Against someone else. 

"I activate The Claw of Hermos to summon Red-Eyes Black Dragon Sword," Jounouchi shouted, voice triumphant but exhausted. "This card requires the sacrifice of a dragon type monster, so I tribute my Red-Eyes."

It was the rational tribute. Kaiba's Ultimate on the field had higher attack power, tributing Red-Eyes was only logical. Plus, Jounouchi had to know Kaiba would kill him for such a move. 

"I equip the Red-Eyes Sword to Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon, raising its attack points by 1000 plus another 500 for _ every _ dragon type monster on the field _ and _ in the graveyards."

They were quite far apart, but Kaiba was fairly sure he heard Haga start swearing through the hush of the room. 

"So that makes big ole Blue-Eyes's attack points…" Jounouchi paused to dramatic effect while the displayed number ticked upwards. It took a while. "...Total 10,600."

There was a second of pure silence before every duelist in the audience started yelling. Kaiba disliked the sound, but he could hardly blame them. Jounouchi ended his turn with no monsters on his side of the field, and Kaiba had to stop looking at him. It was overkill, in all honesty. Their opponents had few cards left, no monsters even close to that ridiculously high attack power, and one turn to do something about it. Ryuzaki set a single card in the spell zone, and Kaiba's turn started. 

Kaiba played Stamping Destruction, and Ryuzaki's Draining Shield was destroyed. _ Pathetic. _

"Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon, ultimate burst stream!" shouted Kaiba at the top of his lungs, and it was all over. 

They'd won. Because of Jounouchi. Kaiba vaguely registered that he'd have to watch out for that card, next time they dueled. It could be annoying. 

“𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒, 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝟤𝟦𝟧𝟢 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓅𝑜𝒾𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒮𝑒𝓉𝑜 𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒦𝒶𝓉𝓈𝓊𝓎𝒶 𝒥𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽𝒾!”

Deciding that ample enough time had passed to not draw any suspicion from onlookers, Kaiba finally let his fingers feel the impact point. _ Soft_, Kaiba concluded. Jounouchi's mouth had felt soft. 

There was a single podium emerging in the center of the hall on the side facing the lake, rising to the level of the higher row of seats, Pegasus standing atop it with a microphone.

“𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓊𝓅, 𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓈!” he called to them, “𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝑒𝒸𝒽!”

Not quite over, then. 

It was a long walk from the north side where they stood to the center. Even longer, considering how Kaiba’s legs had suddenly become quite difficult to move. Kaiba walked around the edge of the arena, where the floor was whirring again as the SolidVision equipment retracted into it, the center of the floor being replaced with hardwood. He was both numb to Jounouchi matching pace beside him, looking at him, and hyper aware of him. He couldn't look back. Numerous hotel staff wheeled tables and chairs out of storage beneath the stands to set up around the edges of the floor, and by the time they reached Pegasus the hall was transformed from a battlefield to a dance floor. The crowd was roaring, but Kaiba could barely hear it. They met Haga and Ryuzaki in the middle, and Kaiba numbly shook their hands. They looked as surprised as he was by the action. 

The steps up to the podium were a little steep. Jounouchi stumbled slightly over his frayed laces, and Kaiba automatically steadied him at the waist before he could fall. He received a brief, odd look for the trouble. 

The sun behind them made their shadows long as Pegasus flicked his microphone off to lean towards Kaiba and murmur to him. “𝑀𝓎 𝓂𝓎, 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝒸𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒸𝓁𝓊𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃. 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝓇𝒶𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝓊𝑔𝒾-𝒷𝑜𝓎 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹𝑒, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝒶𝓋𝑜𝓊𝓇,” he smiled. 

Kaiba felt his eyes widen as he snapped to look at Pegasus’s face. “You knew. How?”

Pegasus raised an eyebrow that had been tweezed down to next to nothing. “𝐼’𝓂 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶 𝒻𝑜𝑜𝓁, 𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶-𝒷𝑜𝓎. 𝒴𝑜𝓊, 𝒶 𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒾𝒸? 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 friends. I 𝒹𝑜𝓊𝒷𝓉 you’re 𝒸𝒶𝓅𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 of 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓂𝓅𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 a relationship, 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒 maintaining one,” he said, voice morphing, the oscillating tones of Pegasus simmering down to the deep, gravelly, sardonic tone of Kaiba’s own voice. “More to the point, who would have you? Such a cold, callous, self-centered brat… You’re not meant for such things as affection," Kaiba spat the word at himself. "You don't need them. You don't want them. And you certainly don't deserve them."

All in all, it was nothing Kaiba hadn't heard before.

"𝐵𝓊𝓉,” Pegasus acquiesced as Kaiba's muscles clenched, teeth pressing against each other while Jounouchi waved to the crowd, oblivious, "𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝐼’𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝑒𝒸𝒽.”

With that, Pegasus turned his bright smile to the audience, wrapped an arm around Kaiba's frozen shoulders to drag him forward to where Jounouchi stood, and flicked his microphone back on.

“𝐿𝒶𝒹𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑔𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃, 𝐼 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓈𝑒, 𝒮𝑒𝓉𝑜 𝒦𝒶𝒾𝒷𝒶 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒦𝒶𝓉𝓈𝓊𝓎𝒶 𝒥𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽𝒾!” Pegasus’s voice rang out across the assembled hordes to applause as he retrieved a trophy from a staff member; a gold, heart shaped thing that he offered to the pair of them. Kaiba and Jounouchi reached out and took it simultaneously, and Pegasus let out a jovial laugh. “𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒, 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒸𝑒𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓏𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝒟𝓊𝑒𝓁 𝑀𝑜𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝒹𝓈 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝒽𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓇 𝒷𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓁𝓎, 𝓈𝓎𝓂𝒷𝑜𝓁𝒾𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝒷𝑜𝓃𝒹! 𝒲𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝑒𝓁𝓁, 𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓅 𝓊𝓅, 𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓈𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝑒𝒸𝒽,” he encouraged to chuckles from the crowd. 

The crowd looked up at them, expectant, and Jounouchi prompted low enough that the microphone couldn’t pick it up, “Well, now’s your moment. Tell ‘em how you really feel.” He sounded nervous. 

Reaching for the microphone, relinquishing the trophy to Jounouchi, Kaiba inhaled. He’d given hundreds of speeches. To boardrooms, to galas, to the citizens of Domino City while dangling himself out of a helicopter. This was hardly the most difficult of his life. His plan had gone perfectly, or at least the one that Jounouchi had figured out, the one that Pegasus had figured out. That they’d each come up with by themselves, looking at Kaiba, because they were right. It didn't matter whether the words that had issued from Pegasus's mouth had been a product of his vocal chords or Kaiba's brain, not when they were true. 

Kaiba held the microphone in the same clenching, white-knuckled way he had held his phone when he’d texted Yuugi that day in April, a month previous, when the academic year had just passed its second week. When it had sunk in that Mokuba was really gone, and the house was so empty that Kaiba had lost the exact hour and the minute at the bottom of a glass in a large, empty home, with only a stupid dog for company. Getting his old rival to go to a tournament with him had seemed like a good idea at the time, no matter the context. It had been a mistake, a very big mistake - except Seto Kaiba didn’t make mistakes, so here he was. He clutched the microphone like a drowning man clutches his own throat, and spoke:

“Fellow duelists, citizens of Battle Paradise, I have proved to you today, that there is no sharper sword, no stronger shield, than the will of a true duelist," Kaiba began. "When I entered myself and Yuugi Mutuo into this tournament a month ago," he continued, tectonic shifts of confusion cracking across the seabed below, "I had taken the first step of a journey towards proving what an utter farce this ‘Battle Paradise’ would be. From the participation of Pegasus as a single duelist in a tag tournament, to the substitution of our final opponents at the last second, to the ease of which I was able to change my partner to Katsuya Jounouchi, this contest has not been a celebration of bonds, but a mockery."

Kaiba paused to find his next words, dispassionately watching the discontent of the crowd, ignoring the feeling of water leaking out of his mouth. 

"Katsuya Jounouchi and I…" he started, determinedly looking forward, not to the side where he felt Jounouchi's presence burn hotter than the sun warming his back, "deceived you in order to stay in the tournament. Pegasus knew what we were doing when we entered, he has admitted as much to me, and let us act our performance before you for his own amusement. Another symptom of Battle Paradise's absurdity. 

"We are not in a relationship," Kaiba continued, grip tightening, "nor have we ever been. We are not even friends." He felt Jounouchi jerk next to him, and ignored it. "Before Battle Paradise, we had never dueled together. Despite this, we have prevailed because of our strength and will as true duelists. That is all."

He offered the microphone to Jounouchi, who didn't move at all, before shoving it back at Pegasus and muttering a quick _ go fuck yourself _ as he stepped down from the platform. Making his way towards the closest elevator, Kaiba was followed by questions. One half of the couple who had photographed him and Jounouchi two days ago walked backwards next to him in an impressive display of spatial awareness with a phone at the ready to capture a response. Presumably this was something they did often. 

"So, you're not really gay?" 

Of all the imbecilic questions… "I am," answered Kaiba. 

"And Katsuya Jounouchi?" 

"I never asked him."

The man in question caught up with them, Mazaki in tow, just in time to answer, "I… yeah. I'm gay." Jounouchi accompanied the announcement with a determined set of brows, and for a split second Kaiba wished the tournament wasn't over. 

"But you're not dating?" 

"_No_," they answered simultaneously, and the reporter nodded and stood back as they reached the elevator, Mazaki slamming the button. Jounouchi’s eyes landed on the doors and refused to move anywhere else, his jaw clenched. 

The world was not done with them yet, however, and a small voice reached them. "Mr. Kaiba! Mr. Jounouchi!" called the boy from before who had asked about Kaiba's favourite animal, white-haired companion slowly following. Kujaku was also making her way towards them, but struggling through the crowd. 

"What is it, kid?" Jounouchi snapped, startling Kaiba. 

"Well, I was thinking, Mr. Kaiba said that you won despite having no bond, but I don't think that's true!" he said brightly. 

"Oh?" asked Kaiba dully, unable to tell the child to leave, "what makes you say that?" 

The child beamed up at them. "Don't you think your decks, the way you duel, are a reflection of who you are, Mr. Kaiba?" 

Kaiba thought of his beatdown and virus strategies, of how much Blue-Eyes meant to him. "Yes?" he answered hesitantly. 

"Then you and Mr. Jounouchi must have a strong bond!" the child chirped happily. "You faced so many strong opponents, and worked together to win with your dragons each time!" 

Kujaku reached them, made an exasperated sound, and shoved them through the opened doors of the now arrived elevator. As they slid shut again and the hall ascended out of view, she turned to favor the group with folded arms and a narrowed gaze that flicked between all three of them. 

The elevator _ dinged _as it reached the main floor, and the doors opened to the sound of the fountain tinkling away in an annoyingly gentle fashion. Jounouchi stepped through first, and Kaiba followed, not saying a word before Jounouchi whirled around to fix him with dark, glinting, brown eyes. Kaiba registered that his face was red again, a splotched canvas - shade #1, Red-Eyes Black Dragon, the first he’d ever catalogued. It didn't take much deductional work to figure out he was angry, but the reason for it was impossible for Kaiba to ascertain - Jounouchi no longer had to maintain a charade, for him everything had gone smoothly. Perhaps he'd simply been holding everything in for the past few days. Reason for civility over, Kaiba readied to return to his and Jounouchi's natural state. 

“Hooray! You did it! Speech less of a cackling rant than I thought it was gonna be, but you did it. You don’t have to stand being around me anymore, and I don’t have to stand being around you,” Jounouchi announced, voice raised and ringing around the room.

“As always you put your insubstantial brain to a simple task and come to an incorrect conclusion,” Kaiba responded, raising his own voice to match as he slipped into the old routine of spewing vitriol. Familiar and instinctive, it saved Kaiba from having to think about anything. "Did you forget I'm your ticket home?" 

“_That's _ what you…? Fine! Eat shit!” Jounouchi practically shouted, hands slicing at air, before heading off down the corridor that led outside. Mazaki shared a look with Kujaku before following him, calling for him to wait. 

Watching them leave, Kujaku groaned. "Guess I'm taking care of _ you _ then," she grimaced at Kaiba before stepping towards the corridor to the north. 

Kaiba felt like he was missing something. "What the fuck," he questioned her, "are you talking about?" 

When she was level with him, she stopped and turned to look him in the eye. "Do you drink?" she said by way of answer.

Kaiba had thought his life would get less confusing after the final duel. "On occasion." This definitely qualified as an occasion, but Kaiba didn't feel like letting Kujaku know that. 

"Good. Sam has a friend in the workforce. We're going to my room and we're breaking into Pegasus's stash on the way," she ordered in a tone that brokered no argument, before striding ahead, muttering something about Yuugi and a harebrained scheme. Kaiba didn't see what Yuugi's rescue mission had to do with what was happening, but the question slipped away from him almost as quickly as it arrived. His mind was on other things. 

Standing there in the reception hall watching Kujaku march onwards, Kaiba wondered if he had ever really had control of his life. Whatever. He hadn't had any solid plans for the evening anyway. The only thing he'd had in mind was checking KaibaCorp stock values and self-torture, and he was pretty sure he could still fit both of those in, potentially at the same time. Besides, stealing alcohol from Pegasus was a rather appealing idea. 

“Lead the way,” said Kaiba. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i need an angst tag now? 
> 
> next chapter: i think its pretty much a genre staple of this type of fic that theres one chapter about two thirds of the way through the story where the pov character gets absolutely wankered? so the next chapter is my take on that trope. its ended up being nearly 6k long
> 
> PS: happy hanukkah everyone!!!!!


	9. Waltz Out of Tempo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba takes one step forward, one step to the right, then three steps backwards and hits a table.

Kujaku and Sam turned out to be occupying an identical chalet to Kaiba and Jounouchi's on the opposite side of the lake; same wood-panelled floor and ceiling, same white walls, same kitchenette with marble countertops. The couch was the same too, although it had been made up with sheets, pillows, and a blanket. Kaiba didn't have the energy to raise an eyebrow at it. "Did _ anyone _ compete in this tournament through legitimate means?" he remarked. 

Kujaku shrugged. "I think those two kids were being honest. Now stop hovering, and take your shoes off," she told him as she kicked off her ankle boots and retrieved two glasses and a corkscrew from the kitchenette. 

Seating himself neatly in the center of the bedded sofa with his shoes still on, Kaiba placed their stolen goods on the coffee table. Access to Pegasus's private suite had been shockingly easy to obtain, and Kaiba grew more suspicious of 'Sam' and her 'friend' 'John' with each passing minute, especially in the light of this new information. He’d still pocketed the keycard, however. One never knew when such a thing could come in handy. "And what was your motive?" he inquired of Kujaku. 

"Secret," Kujaku responded, dragging over a wooden chair to sit astride, leaning over the backrest and holding the corkscrew out. "You do the honors."

"Why?" asked Kaiba, just to make an attempt at control. 

Tilting her head and raising an eyebrow at him, Kujaku did not seem impressed. "Because you need a drink, and being around your drama is making me need a drink," she answered. 

Kaiba had never thought he'd be spending an evening drinking stolen wine with Kujaku of all people. But then again, he had never thought his mouth would sting after Jounouchi had barely touched it either. 

That was a lie. He'd just never thought it would actually happen. And Kaiba hadn't known how he'd wanted it to happen, hadn't known if he'd wanted it at all, but he knew he hadn't wanted it like _ that_. 

Kaiba took the offering and grabbed the nearest bottle. 

***

“You said something about Yuugi. Is that why you’re doing this? Pressured by the friendship troupe?”

“Yes. And they’re not ‘the friendship troupe.’ They’re my friends.”

“Oh? Is that why you sped away from them after Battle City as fast as possible?”

“I don’t know why Anzu thought I could get along with you. You’re an egotistical, obnoxious brat.”

“And you’re a weak hanger-on.”

“Shut up and drink your wine.”

***

“...I don’t know why you entered with Sam, but it was clear she had never played a duel in her life before this tournament. That you managed to get so far with her was… impressive.”

“...Thanks.”

***

"...Jou told me that, in the virtual world, you did some motorbike stunts at one point. Can you do that in real life, or was that just on the Grid?" 

"It was just ramp jumping. And yes. I did not somehow gain the ability to ride a motorcycle when I got trapped in a computer. Again."

"You really need to stop letting that happen to you. I ride sometimes, but with all the travel it's a hard hobby to keep up."

"I rarely get the time either, I mainly took it up after Gozaburo died. I was technically far too young but no one stopped me."

"Finally free to do whatever you wanted, huh?" 

"I dyed my hair blue, too, but it kept going green… "

"Aww, rebel teen Kaiba on his lil bike. Cute. Bet you looked stupid."

"I have ensured all evidence has been destroyed. No one will ever believe you."

"Monster."

***

Kaiba wasn't sure how it had happened, but somehow they had both ended up on the floor next to each other, leaning against the couch. 

“Waking up after losing to Marik…" Kujaku confessed, hand clenched around her glass, "I couldn’t stay around the people who’d been able to keep on fighting while I was trapped. They made me feel weak, and I couldn’t be weak. I didn’t have the courage to lose again. The only way to survive was to win, and none of them understand that.”

Kaiba remembered, would always remember, that day years ago at KaibaCorp. "The last thing Gozaburo ever said to me, the flesh Gozaburo," he murmured, "was 'this is what happens to losers.' Then he jumped." 

Both of them looked down into some shared abyss. Kujaku sighed, and took a long gulp. "It's not true, though. We'll live," she said. 

"Will we?" 

"We have," Kujaku said with determination. "We will."

***

“Jounouchi said you dated at one point.”

“Ugh, we tried, like a year ago. It was _ terrible_.”

“He didn’t seem to think it was so bad.”

“_He _ didn’t have to listen to him ranting about _ you _ half the time.”

“...”

“_ HA, _your face.”

“Shut. The _ fuck. _ Up. And drink. Your wine.”

***

"Do you… do you… do you wanna know what happened the last time I told someone I liked him?" 

"Yesssss, hit me."

"He… he started insisting he was _ dead_."

"..._ Kaiba." _

"I'm serious! I told him, I did, 'I tremble with desire,' and all that romantic bullshit. And ten minutes later he was telling me he was a _ dead Pharaoh_! Fucking _ coward_. Could've just said he didn't like me, but _ nooooo_, he goes the 'I'm dead' route. Ugh, he was boring when he wasn't dueling anyway. Jounouchi isn't boring. Jounouchi is… "

***

...so we get to the place and he just barges in before me so I start insulting him and then he says I’m _ proud _ of being an asshole and _ then_, and _ then _ he just, he’s like, and he’s got his hand on my face and everything is burning and _ I don’t know what to do_. I hate it. I hate him.”

Kaiba was vaguely aware of the fact that he’d been babbling, and that he felt rather lightheaded. Or heavy headed? He definitely had a head, which was reassuring. It wasn’t an entirely unfamiliar thing to have, but it felt like one all the same. 

“Uh-huh, you hate him,” Kujaku responded from where she sat opposite, leaning back against the wall. 

“Shut up,” said Kaiba.

At some point they had moved to sit on the floor either side of the coffee table and Kaiba couldn't remember why, but it felt right. His long white coat was shrugged off onto the floor around him, shoes toed off haphazardly under the table. There was at least one empty bottle next to them, possibly more, but Kaiba was having trouble counting. There were also two empty water glasses on the table - he hazily remembered that refilling them would've involved getting up and they'd both refused to do it. 

Kujaku had her long blonde curls in a messy excuse for a bun and waved at him with her glass. “Refill time,” she announced. 

“Also,” Kaiba began again as he leaned forward and acquiesced, “Why does he keep eating everything with only a _ fork_? He’s just _ sitting _ there with his stupid, _ shitty _ brown eyes trying to cut an enchilada with the side of his fork, and it’s just not practical! He’s so fucking _ stupid_. And he gives off this energy, this... blank fuzz. Every time I’m around him I feel static everywhere and I just know it’s _ his fault_, the _ idiot_. _ Stop _ talking about him, I don’t want to hear it.” He took another gulp of Pegasus’s wine. It tasted like elderberries. Kaiba wondered why it tasted like elderberries, and a long glance at the label indicated it was probably the elderberries. “This has elderberries in it,” he wisely informed Kujaku.

She snickered and her hoop earrings wiggled. “I know, it’s good. Pegasus has good taste, apart from that weird painting. It's making me want to punch you less.”

Kaiba wrinkled his nose. "Impaired judgement, no doubt," he remarked, "and don't bring up the painting." Kaiba desperately wanted to forget the work of art hanging in Pegasus's suite. The less said about it, the better. 

“No doubt,” Kujaku agreed smugly. “I use Order to Charge to tribute Harpy Lady and destroy your dragon card thing.”

Oh, that was why they were on the floor. “Fuck,” Kaiba commented upon seeing his cards again. The table also had a few napkins with what he recognised as a sloppy version of his own writing on them strewn across its surface. Examining the closest, he couldn’t tell what he’d been trying to write about. String theory? Superposition principle? The mechanics of the universe were illegible. Other napkins had Kujaku’s creations: sketches of maps, landscapes, people, some clearer than others. Some were of Egypt - apparently Kujaku had bumped into Isis on her travels, and it had resulted in a lasting impression and tentative plans to go back. And Isis gave _ Kaiba _ shit for never talking to anyone about anything. “I think I’m drunk,” Kaiba groaned. 

Kujaku laughed harder, saying, “Yeah, no shit, dummy. You're hammered.” Her shaking laughter caused her to flop over onto the floor and groan herself. "Damn it, I think I am too."

Kaiba thought for a few seconds, and decided he knew exactly what he needed to do about this predicament. He got out his phone and started to tap at it, and Kujaku’s fingers started snapping at him. “Oiiiiiii, true duelist, pay attention, what're you doing?” she asked as the dialing tone began to sound across the room and Kaiba set down the K-Dragon 5.1 in face up defence position and ended his turn. 

“‘M calling Mokie. We should talk to Mokie.”

“Mo- s'that a good idea?”

The dial tone stopped. “Seto?” Mokuba’s voice rang out of the speaker at the same time Kujaku snatched the phone from across the table. 

“Mokie!” Kaiba roared at the now distant phone, “make Kujaku give my phone back!”

Simultaneously, Kujaku offered her own greeting. “Mokuba sweetie, sorry for the call, your brother is a little smashed right now,” she cooed, pressing her palm into Kaiba’s face where he had crossed over to her side of the table and begun a valiant attempt to get his property back. 

"Mai? Is that you? What's going on? I saw a clip from the finals…" Mokuba's confused voice radiated from the speaker like a ray of sunshine, the light of his life, which was an utterly trite metaphor but Kaiba was drunk and therefore felt he was allowed to be stupid, at least in his own mind. 

Thankfully, Kujaku had more important things to think about than telling his little brother about the exact state he was in and the reasons for it. "Is it true that Kaiba used to ride a motorcycle with you in a sidecar?" she yelled down the phone. 

Now with a very slightly better hold on his senses, Kaiba really didn't want Mokuba to answer that and lunged again. “I’m funk, I mean I’m fine, gimmie my phone,” Kaiba demanded at Kujaku. 

“Drunk calling is how you got yourself into this mess, and now I officially know too much about you,” Kujaku argued at him, shoving him away with a socked foot against his chest. "He just spent a full fifteen minutes ranting about Jou before telling me to stop talking about him," she informed the object she held out of reach. 

A laugh came through the speaker while Kaiba spluttered angrily. "Oh, he doesn't need to be drunk to do that," Mokuba assured her, and Kaiba decided that he actually hated the pair of them and started swearing so to them both. Unfortunately neither of them seemed to care, but a thought managed to occur to Kaiba through the clogged mess of his mind. 

He stopped flailing his arms to concentrate on said thought before it could abandon him for greener, drier pastures. "...how do you know how I called Yuugi?" he questioned Kujaku. 

"Oh. Uh," she thought for a second, Mokuba silent. "You… told me about ten minutes ago," Kujaku concluded with the ascending pitch enunciation that usually indicated a question, "you must have forgot. Because of the drink." She nodded emphatically.

"Oh," said Kaiba. He looked down at his newly remembered cards and decided that it was a reasonable explanation. Noticing his wine glass wasn't quite empty, Kaiba placed a single finger against the base and slowly pushed it away from himself. In addition to containing more function-impeding liquid, the way it glittered reminded Kaiba of the gaudy plastic things he'd seen at the store the previous day, when him and Jounouchi had been getting along and he hadn't even noticed. It felt so long ago. 

Kujaku cautiously sat up again and watched Kaiba sink into a slouch against the wall. He missed what she said to his brother before she hung up and placed the phone that Kaiba no longer cared about getting back into his hands. "You have messages, by the way," she told him. 

Sluggishly moving his fingers, Kaiba opened his texts, and squinted at them. "Why are these in runes?" he asked. Kujaku must've changed the language settings, but he didn't remember having Elder Futhark installed as an option. 

She sighed, and leaned over his shoulder. "I'll translate for you. It's from Jou's numb-" 

Kaiba dropped his phone on the floor, but immediately scooped it up and offered it again. 

"... Jou's number. The first one says 'Anzu's picking up food from some Italian place she saw. Should be back in 30.'"

Kaiba nodded weakly. 

"The second says 'She's staying on the couch tonight.'"

Kaiba continued to nod. He wasn't sure how to stop the motion now it had started. 

“Those were both from five minutes ago. The third is from just now, but it’s blank. Probly’ sent it by accident,” Kujaku finished. “We should get you to your place.”

Kaiba managed to get his head to stop nodding even though he agreed, and made to stand up. It was a process he found somewhat difficult. He’d never had to stand in a zero gravity environment before and kept spinning, but it wasn't much easier when someone got gravity working again and he swiftly made his way back down. While he charged up his limbs for a second attempt, Kaiba tugged his shoes towards himself and wriggled them on. The sensation was unpleasant, but he wasn’t quite so far gone as to walk around outside in his socks.

“Slow down, tiger,” Kujaku mumbled, also attempting to leave the floor. She managed somewhat better, but her journey towards her own shoes was not without its highs and lows. “Ugh, why didn’t we drink more water, I thought we were smart. I thought a CEO like yourself would have a higher tolerance. Don't you have to host events where rich old farts get drunk and handsy in the name of business?”

Spitting his distaste for such gatherings, Kaiba gathered his cards and a few of his inscribed napkins, hauled himself to his feet, decided enough faffing and walked in a perfectly straight line to the bathroom. The walk ended a little abruptly when he bumped into the door, but Kaiba still received an impressed look. At least, he decided to interpret it as impressed. While he relieved the pressure in his hypogass- hypograst- hypigbas- While he took a piss, Kaiba thought to himself that it wasn’t normal practice to have what looked like a Blaser R93 leaning against the wall of your bathroom, American resort or not. “Is your fake girlfriend some kind of secret agent?” he asked conversationally as he rejoined Kujaku to see her guzzling water. “Is that why you won’t tell me anything?”

She pulled on her purple denim jacket and put a finger to her quirked lips in a shushing motion. "Secret," she repeated, and Kaiba couldn't tell if she was confirming or not. It looked like he was going to have to start an investigation when he got back to his laptop. Maybe he'd get to 'hack' the Pentagon. 

"_Please _ don't try hacking the Pentagon," Kujaku sighed. 

Now Kaiba _ really _ wanted to hack the Pentagon. 

Kujaku opened the door and told him a firm "_No_."

Civil twilight was in effect as they walked out, the sudden pressure of fresh air and the unshielded sky causing them both to stumble. Kujaku muttered something that may have been comprehensible to someone less inebriated than Kaiba was, and she maneuved his arm that wasn't carrying his long coat around her shoulders, and her corresponding arm around his. It made them both more stable, and Kaiba immediately protested. 

"I don't need your help. I know how to walk on my own," he insisted, although the arm he wanted to retract from Kujaku was rather disobedient and refused to move. 

"Yeah, yeah," she responded, managing to roll her eyes with her vocal chords, a skill Kaiba had thought he had perfected but now considered asking for lessons in. "You can manage ten more minutes of teamwork to not fall over on the way to your pasta party. And maybe _ I _ want help walking, huh? Self-centered much?" 

"Well, if _ you _ need help… " Kaiba pondered for a few seconds, before tightening his arm as they made their almost-steady way down the path to the lake. "I suppose that's acceptable."

"So chivalrous. Ass."

"No you."

Kaiba smirked to himself at his use of the wittiest of comebacks. 

"No _ you_.”

But it wasn’t very effective.

The lights of the top floor were still glowing as they reached the building at the curve of the lake, Pegasus's ball (_ha, balls_) still in swing (_ha, swinging balls_). A few people splashed about in the water, their laughter billowing about like smoke from dry ice. Luckily they were too invested in having fun to notice the CEO of one of the world's most successful gaming companies and a nationally ranked pro Duel Monsters player shambling past like two people in the same shirt. One empty parking spot they passed gave off a residual exhaust stink of old, barely-functional automobile, and Kaiba wondered if he stank of alcohol. He hoped not. Jounouchi had said he smelled okay that morning. With a jolt, he realised that he was turning up at his shared accommodation decidedly tipsy after three hours of absence. Were they going to ask? Of course they were going to ask. Stupid question, stupid Kaiba, incompetent, impulsive, idiot idiot idiot-

"Hey, snap out of it," Kujaku gave him a rough shake. 

The fresh air and walking had given Kaiba greater control over his limbs, but his mind was still beating at the walls of his skull. Kaiba drew his arm back to himself. "Was I thinking aloud again?" he asked. 

"No, no, you just felt off for a second," Kujaku frowned at him as they continued moving, leaving the light of the building behind. 

"Your concern is unneeded."

"Tough luck, you're getting it anyway."

Kaiba didn't have anything to say to that. They came upon the small parking bay and the paths that split from it, and Kaiba glanced at the shore, at the lapping water that lined another path, less obvious, that he had followed Jounouchi down the previous night. Him and Kujaku took the second path in silence, and soon they were in the trees. When the chalet came into view, white walls reflecting orange between the fir bars, Kaiba stopped walking. 

"You have to talk to him at some point," Kujaku pointed out the obvious.

"I _ know_," Kaiba retorted, irritated, and didn't move. He held his coat to himself as he stared at the block of cement that threatened him with its perfect lines. Usually he’d have found it comforting, but not then. It seemed unfair that such precision, such organisation, should exist when Kaiba had to be hectic swarm of ricocheting thoughts and sensations. He felt like the scribble of a child crossing out a mistake. 

Kujaku huffed. "I'm not standing out here forever. I want to check out the Pegasus Ballroom Extravaganza before it ends, they've got to have included expensive and delicious finger foods," she informed him, shoving him forwards. "So stop being a scaredy-cat."

"I am not _ scared_, Kujaku," Kaiba growled, striding forwards. 

"Sure you're not, kitten. And call me Mai, I think we're at that point," she told him.

“Maaii,” Kaiba tested the word. It was strangely satisfying. 

They came up on the door, Kaiba retrieving his keycard and swiping with a little more fumbling than usual. They were greeted with a small click and a little flash of a green light. Shoving the door open with the subtlety he was known for, Kaiba was greeted with the sight of a haggard Jounouchi dancing out of the way, divested of his jacket, waistcoat, accessories, red shirt untucked and unbuttoned, revealing the lucky t-shirt underneath. Of course the superstitious idiot had been wearing it under his clothes. The untidy appearance made him look more like himself, and Kaiba's mouth made to smile before his brain reminded it of the situation. Jounouchi's eyes drooped at the edges, and his hand reached for where the handle would have been. "Leav-ing?" Kaiba managed to question as if it was his first encounter with the word. 

"I was going to look… I was going for a smoke. Where the hell have you been?" Jounouchi demanded. Kaiba's head might've been hazy, but he wasn't sure Jounouchi had any right to that tone, and he didn't dignify the question with a response as he stepped inside. 

"He's been with me," Kujaku answered, and Jounouchi turned to look at her with a sudden movement, eyes wide, as if he'd only just realised she was there. "We've been chatting."

Jounouchi's head rotated in a precise 146 degree angle from Kujaku to Kaiba and back. "You've been… chatting," he repeated, bewildered, a hefty cup of confusion added to the broil of aggression. 

"Yes, that is what she said," confirmed Kaiba, already irritated by the questioning, even if it was probably justified. He turned, and his eyes caught himself in the mirror by the door, making him realise he was looking less than stellar: coat swinging uselessly on his arm, sleeves rolled up, waistcoat undone, hair unacceptable. He had ink on his cheek. _ Ink_. On his _ cheek_. His hands and fingers too, when he examined them. Aghast, Kaiba finished his turn to the blonde woman still at the door. "I suspect I shall see you again… Mai."

Mai grinned at him. "I suspect you will, kitten, possibly tomorrow. You have painkillers?" 

"Yes."

"Good." She gave them both a wave as she strutted off on steady feet, heels clicking into the twilight. "Night fellas! Don't kill each other!" 

"No promises," Jounouchi muttered before closing the door and fixing Kaiba with a look that might have been analytical if worn by anyone else. Kaiba carefully hung his coat on a peg, and Jounouchi continued to stare at him, mouth open, before shaking his head rapidly to himself and deciding on his first question. "Are you…” he started, before changing his mind. “What are those?" he decided on, poking at the napkins peeking from Kaiba's pockets. Kaiba retrieved one of them, unsure as to why he'd kept them, and examined it. 

"Superposition," he answered.

"And what's that when it's at home?" 

"Mathematical principal. The total product of multiple stimuli is the sum of the productions of each of those individual stimuli. If A produces X and B, Y, then A plus B produces X plus Y."

Somehow, that calmed Jounouchi down a little, his chin wrinkling as he nodded and made an expression that wasn't exactly a pout. "Right… algebra. And you have tissue scrawlings about this because… ?" 

_Because it makes sense. Because it reassures me. _

Kaiba didn't answer, merely removed his shoes before taking all his napkins out and stacking them neatly on the table. Pouring himself a tall glass of water, Kaiba looked out through the kitchenette window. The resort building peeked up through the trees, glowing as people no doubt danced and laughed and did whatever it is people do. Mai was up there now, probably having fun, eating canapés and charmingly insulting people. Good for her. "Why aren't you up there?" he asked Jounouchi. 

Jounouchi came to stand beside him, looked out the window, and shrugged. "Eh, I like a party, but I don't feel like being around anyone else right now, 'specially not that lot." Upon saying this, Jounouchi seemed to realise he had confessed something, even though Kaiba couldn't tell what it was. "Plus, it's too fancy," he added in a rush, "spend the whole time feeling like I'm gonna get kicked out for general delinquency and the music probably isn't even good." There was something insincere about the statement. Since when did Jounouchi care about ruffling a few feathers? 

As he finished his glass, a hazy memory scrambled its way into Kaiba's mind and made its way out via his mouth. "Also, you can't dance," he commented matter-of-factly. 

Arms folded across his chest, Jounouchi huffed. "Well, no. Not that kind. I can do a decent Fast Food Song, though." He unfolded to mime a large M with his arms. "Mcdonalds." He made chicken flapping movements. "Kentucky Fried Chicken…you know?" 

Kaiba did not, in fact, 'know,' but watching the juvenile movements prompted another memory. "You said I could teach you." Damn. Sober Kaiba was screaming from the graveyard for Drunk Kaiba to play Monster Reborn and bring him back to the field in defense position, instead of exposing his life points for all the world to attack. 

Jounouchi stopped waving his elbows. Kaiba did not move, instead watching him turn in the reflection of the glass, hands still stuffed into his armpits. The dark mirror of Jounouchi stared at him. "...Didn't think you were awake for that. Not like… coherently, at least," Jounouchi told him. 

_Fuck it_. Kaiba had been drinking. It was the best excuse he was going to get. Extracting his phone, Kaiba opened the music app he barely used and set it to shuffle on the last station he'd listened to. A staccato rhythm shot out, and the tempo wouldn't match, but he didn't particularly care. He re-buttoned his waistcoat, Jounouchi's eyes meandering over him with every movement he made. Kaiba knew he wasn't as steady as usual. 

Standing pristine and fresh as a column in Pompeii, upright as the tower of Pisa, structurally stable as a house of cards, Kaiba faced Jounouchi. "Hand on my upper arm," he instructed, and held his arms out. 

"...You really are drunk, aren’t you? You’re actually drunk," Jounouchi demanded, stepping forward, right hand automatically moving before he stopped it. "You and Mai got drunk together, and you come back looking like… that." 

"I’m sobering up," Kaiba retorted, not entirely understanding Jounouchi's tone. He had ink on his cheek, it wasn't _ that _ appalling- well, it was to Kaiba, but Jounouchi didn’t usually care about such things, and Kaiba could hardly be the first person Jounouchi had seen inebriated, given the small gatherings Kaiba would occasionally come home to find Mokuba hosting. Jounouchi himself had been rather drunk at some of them - quite apart from making 'eggs' for him, Jounouchi had to have been fairly intoxicated to repeatedly pester Kaiba to join them. And he always did. 

Kaiba's head and mouth were still full of Kuribohs, but his faculties were returning faster than he wanted them to. It was a race against his own metabolism. "Hand on my upper arm," he repeated firmly. Jounouchi's face flicked between innumerable expressions far too fast for Kaiba to follow, mouth continuing to hang open. Kaiba wanted to flick it shut, or at least have it put to some more useful activity. 

Jounouchi gave a rapid shake of his head, putting his whole body into the movement like an animal shaking off water. "Okay, you really want to… okay. Fuck it, why not. This week is already fucked," he said in a pitch higher than usual, settling his right hand on Kaiba's left deltoid. A man on the track currently playing began to speak - it couldn't really be termed singing - and Jounouchi shot the phone a pair of raised eyebrows. "Didn't know you spoke… German?"

"I don't," Kaiba lied. "I sometimes prefer listening to songs in unfamiliar languages. It saves me from having to understand potentially insipid lyricism."

Jounouchi's released a snort, brown eyes rolling, while his left hand raised to grasp Kaiba's right, warm and sweaty, his thumb brushing Kaiba's knuckle. Kaiba's left hand went under Jounouchi's arm to his latissimus dorsi, the fabric of the shirt smooth and silky under his fingers. The deep red really suited him. Kaiba could feel Jounouchi's chest expanding and contracting under his palm, and it made him uncomfortably aware of his own pulse. 

"That's the most _ you _ thing you've ever said. Do you even hear yourself speak sometimes?" Jounouchi mocked. "I'm gonna make you a Weezer playlist. They have a song that's just a joke about how the words for socks and sex sound similar. In English, I mean." He spoke over a lyric that sounded English itself. Probably terrible. Kaiba was glad Jounouchi had blocked it out.

"Sounds riveting." Kaiba pulled him a little closer. "I will never listen to it."

"Fine. Stay unenlightened." Jounouchi's eyes flicked down towards their feet, unable to move his head without bumping it into Kaiba. He really needed to re-bleach his roots. And see a professional about it so he didn't perpetuate his bleach-damaged mess of a mullet. "Are we supposed to move our feet at some point?" Jounouchi prompted, rocking on his feet from side to side, swaying Kaiba with him. "'Cause if the entire thing is just us standing here I think I got it."

"We move in a box step. I am in the dominant position-" 

Jounouchi snorted. 

"-just mirror what I do."

Kaiba hovered his left foot forward, nudging Jounouchi to do the opposite. _ Ich lieb du nicht du liebst mich nicht _repeated the chorus, and Kaiba wished he'd thought before leaving the song selection up to chance. It would look strange to change it now, but at least Jounouchi couldn't understand it as he stepped backward, giving Kaiba room to follow. The movement resulted in them awkwardly starfished, not quite touching, but Kaiba was still able to feel the static emanating from Jounouchi's body, from his freckled face. He observed Jounouchi's eyes darting about like a school of gleaming fish, reflecting light in the upper currents of some warm, tropic water. 

Jounouchi breathed a puff of tobacco-scented air towards Kaiba's neck. Somehow, Kaiba's nose caught it anyway. "About what I said earlier, at the hotel, I shouldn't've-" 

"What about it?" Kaiba snapped. 

"-well, I'm sorry, but-"

"For what? Now we move to your left."

"-you told them-" 

Kaiba made to simply step sideways with his right foot, but Jounouchi, new to the whole practice, overshot wildly with his left, placing it too far forward. Momentum carried him into the counter. 

"-we weren't even _ friends_," Jounouchi finished. His arms had spun Kaiba round with him, pulling him in to press Jounouchi against the marble surface. Kaiba's head had started spinning too. Their bodies were touching now, faces close. Jounouchi's scrunched up and looked down. "Your breath stinks of fruit, the fuck were you drinking?" 

"It had elderberries in it."

"What I don't get," Jounouchi said slowly, as if unravelling some great mystery of the universe and teaching it to a class of students consisting entirely of Kaiba's jugular, "is _ why _ you were drinking. You don't seem the type to drink in celebration - which, hey, go us by the way - and with Mai? You never got along before. You weren't calling her _ Mai _ before." As he spoke, he drew in the hand holding Kaiba's towards them, but he didn't let go. Their other hands didn't move either, but Jounouchi’s fingers were digging in and despite all Kaiba's protestations Jounouchi wasn’t actually stupid, he would figure it out-

"I was drinking," Kaiba tried to answer into his hairline, "because… "

Kaiba’s eardrums reverberated with the crashing rapids of his own blood. _ He’ll leave. You’ll leave. You’ll suffocate him, he'll suffocate you. You can't do this. You’re not built for this. He can’t even leave, he’s stuck here with you as you so politely reminded him, you think he’d play nice for any other reason? _

As he looked up, Jounouchi's hand on his upper arm drifted to press against Kaiba's sternum, pushing him back just enough to bore his dark brown eyes into Kaiba's, searching, lips just barely parted. 

"You're drunk," Jounouchi breathed out, and Kaiba breathed in. He could taste tobacco. Filthy habit. "You're-" 

_You're weak. He's making you weak. You _ cannot _ be weak. _

"I cannot stand being around you," Kaiba confessed. 

Jounouchi blinked at him once, twice, three times, and then shoved Kaiba off hard enough that he hit the table behind him. That was going to bruise. "_Fuck you_," he breathed with a scowl. "You're a real piece of work Kaiba, you know that?"

Kaiba watched him move away with an eye that he hoped was impassive. "Tournament's over. You can say whatever you like."

Jounouchi stopped in his tracks, before slowly turning to fix Kaiba with his brow furrowed and his jaw rigid, eyes glittering. "You think," he said slowly, voice raising, cracking, with every word, "that me hanging out with you, that me getting along with you, me… was because of the fucking _ tournament_?" 

"Don't be stupid," Kaiba responded in a tone he thought was reasonable. "You made a promise to Yuugi, and you can't leave without me."

It was at this point that the door beeped and Mazaki walked in. 

"My God, I hate driving in the dark. Thanks for letting me stay the night, you can have your card back now Jou," she chattered while dumping two container-filled plastic bags and a keycard on the table, in far too much of a hurry to read the room. "Ugh, how do people live out here without delivery… What are you listening to?" 

Kaiba snatched the phone back to himself and stopped the endless refrain of _ ich lieb dich nicht du liebst mich nicht_, while Mazaki looked back and forth between the two of them. Making his way towards the bathroom, Kaiba gave her a curt nod. "I shall eat mine tomorrow."

"Did you already eat?" 

"No."

"Then-" 

"Leave it, Anzu," Kaiba heard Jounouchi say sharply as he shut the door behind him. Head throbbing, Kaiba showered, brushed his teeth, swallowed more ibuprofen than recommended, and settled into his original plan for the evening. KaibaCorp stock had raised in value for the minute after he'd announced his and Jounouchi's deception, and gone down again after he'd assured the media that he was in fact still gay. Typical. His company was his life, and Kaiba really wasn't made for this. 

The media was having a field day, half a dozen theories as to the real reason for his scheme ricocheting about the internet like bullets, seemingly no one except the veteran dueling community taking him at his word. Apparently there had already been a large group convinced him and Jounouchi were lying, but inexplicably they had changed their minds after being confirmed correct. 

Kaiba opened up his message thread with Jounouchi, whose number glared in bold from the top of the screen as Kaiba couldn't bring himself to add him as a proper contact. Their score was currently four texts to zero in Jounouchi's favour, five to zero if you counted the blank message. Kaiba stared at it blearily for a bit before exiting to his contacts, where he noticed that Mai had added herself. She had put painting nails and motorcycle emojis next to her name, and sent herself a text. Kaiba didn’t have the energy to be angry at the presumption. 

It took him a while to notice the pillow barrier from the past two nights had vanished, relocated to the sofa for Mazaki. Of all fucking nights. Kaiba allowed himself the comfort of giving the middle finger to no one in particular, before shoving a remaining pillow over his face and willing his thudding head into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [writes kaiba somewhat deliberately fucking up at communicating while failing to dance w/ jou to a song that kaiba can understand the words of but jou cant, and the song is Da Da Da by trio] ah... i love irony
> 
> (i recommend looking up the song if u dont know it. it makes me Sad)
> 
> thanks again for all the support guys it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside
> 
> next chapter: is actually the last chapter i have ready currently [sweats]. its also an argument thats been a long time coming
> 
> PS. i wrote another (somewhat long) oneshot! its a lot more lighthearted than this, if ur interested in checking it out


	10. A Mortifying Ordeal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba recieves some tough love.

When Kaiba woke in the early hours of the morning, he was blearily aware of three things through his hangover: firstly, of the absence of the pillow barrier and how it was allowing his first companion to lie against his side with his back to him, curving away; secondly, of the fact he couldn't move; and thirdly, that he now had a second companion, identical to the old, his arm an impossible weight over Kaiba's abdomen as he trailed fingers along his side. This new companion had no regard for the fact he was clipping through the blanket, nor for the fact that he was superimposed over someone else.

Kaiba started counting. 

_2\. 3. 5. 7. _Jounouchi kissed at his shoulder. _ 11\. 13. 17. 19. _ He was whispering things, a lot of things, as his mouth meandered slowly up Kaiba's neck. None of them made sense for Jounouchi to say to him, so Kaiba tried not to hear any of it. _ 23\. 29. 31. 37. _ He failed. Kaiba focused his eyes firmly on the ceiling. Through the impossible sensations he felt the real Jounouchi shift in his sleep, turning over. His head bumped against Kaiba's shoulder while vague lips dragged at his jaw. _ 41\. 43. 47. 53. _ It was astonishing what tricks the human brain could play on itself. Kaiba heard his own name murmured somewhere to his left, and it really did sound real. _ 59\. 61. 67. 71. _ The hand on Kaiba's face had substance too, but while he could feel it, it wasn't quite right. Too imprecise, the fingers melted into one lump. Besides, the real Jounouchi's fingers were resting against his arm now, a blunt, unconscious cattle prod. There was no comparison. Kaiba closed his eyes, and the whispering became louder. _ 73\. 83. No, 79, fuck. _Kaiba felt brief pressure against his mouth, and reached up, able to move again- 

But, of course, there was nothing there. 

Shifting away, feeling the tips of Jounouchi’s fingers slide off his skin, Kaiba realised that he was very much further towards the center of the bed than he had been when he had gotten in. With the little light there was, Jounouchi's sleeping body was rendered in greyscale as he mumbled something incomprehensible, sleep talking again, his hand twitching against nothing. Mouthing silent curses into the dark, Kaiba decided he had had enough of sleep, and grabbed clothes as quietly as he could to get dressed in the bathroom. Washing his face with cold, unforgiving water, Kaiba decided he would take his laptop and find somewhere to work until it was time to leave this rotten place. And drink coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. 

***

Catching up on all the work he'd studiously avoided for the past few days was a daunting task, especially when nearly every single one of his employees was infuriatingly incompetent and he had to micro-manage the lot of them. Kaiba would try to fire his secretary again when he got back, but she had a knack for just raising her eyebrows at him briefly before continuing to work every time he tried. It was infuriating, and it always made him change his mind. He made a note to himself to give her a raise after he attempted to fire her this time. 

There was a _ clunk _ on the desk next to his hand, and Kaiba automatically drank the coffee set down next to him. Too much milk and sugar. He drank more anyway. His bowels could hate him later. 

The lounge was a smallish room on the west side of the hotel building, filled with mildly comfortable grey furnishings. Some chairs could be reclined, others had desk attachments that could be brought up to work at. Kaiba sat at one of those, elbows bashed awkwardly against the unfamiliar armrests as he spat fury in type at whoever was so unfortunate as to be contacted by him. A seat in the dining area would have been more comfortable, but Kaiba needed the quiet. Plus, the dining area ran the risk of running into Kujaku, which Kaiba didn't want to do when he was struggling to remember what exactly he'd talked to her about. It also ran the risk of running into other people he didn't want to see, who he was resolutely not thinking about at all. 

Another room may have served his purposes better, but he refused to ask anyone if it existed. This one had a coffee machine at least. It had now run out of coffee, and the floor next to Kaiba's feet was littered with one extremely well-used disposal cup. No need to waste more. The uninteresting nature of the room (and the time Kaiba inhabited it) had ensured Kaiba was its only occupant for four hours - at least, until Mazaki found him. "You look like shit, Mr. Indoors Sunglasses," she observed as she plonked herself into the seat next to his. Kaiba refused to look up, and responded with the well-known _ hmm _ that tells a person that they are not being listened to. 

She dumped something else next to him and his stomach growled without permission. "I've already eaten," he told her. 

"_And _you're a shit liar. Eat."

Kaiba continued typing. 

"Eat or I'll tell Jou where you are."

So Jounouchi wanted to see him. How theoretically interesting. Kaiba glared through the Ray-Ban Predators, currently protecting him from the too-harsh light of the world, at the plastic bag next to him while his hands typed nonsense on autopilot. They continued to do so until Mazaki dramatically unsheathed her phone. 

"_Fine_," Kaiba hissed and slammed the laptop shut. Mokuba was always saying he needed to eat more anyway, something about needing nutrition to survive. Kaiba did his best not to believe him. Snapping open the container with his fingernails and examining the contents, the food-smell that could only be termed 'miscellaneous' fully emerged to integrate itself into the society of Kaiba's nostrils. He didn't move to pick up the cutlery. 

"It would have been better," Mazaki commented, "if you had eaten it fresh."

"I fail to see how a box of pasta that most likely sat for several hours in a dingy excuse for a kitchen before it _ ever _ made the twenty minute journey in your car could _ ever _ be considered 'fresh,'" Kaiba disputed, but the hole in his stomach and the threat of Mazaki's phone won out and he sampled the cold, slimy dish. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. 

Mazaki watched him struggle with the gaze of an ancient Roman emperor watching a particularly disappointing gladiator be torn apart by lions. She didn't seem very happy with him. Kaiba didn't have to imagine why. "The breakfast buffet is open, you know. Would probably be more enjoyable," she speculated, and Kaiba shoved another mouthful down his gullet. 

"This is adequate," he grumbled, and they sat in silence for a while, Mazaki using an unrelenting gaze to force Kaiba to eat. 

It wasn't that Kaiba deliberately avoided food, it was just that eating was frequently passed over in favour of other more productive things. He didn't employ house staff other than a weekly cleaner anymore - he was an adult, he was capable of looking after his own home, thank you - so any meals he ate at home would have to be made by him or be something ready-made. Kaiba was a perfectly adequate cook, and enjoyed the process too, the sense of control and achievement that came from making something himself. But good food took time to prepare, and time wasn't something that Kaiba had in abundance. The consumption of the past few days was an outlier rather than the norm, although ever since Mokuba had brought home Hungry Burger he'd had a more regular schedule. Kaiba couldn't let the dependant animal go hungry - she _ always _ let him know when it was time to eat - and if he was feeding her he might as well grab something for himself. 

Mokuba really could be quite the schemer, Kaiba reflected wryly. An entire city away, and he'd still found a way to make Kaiba eat, take breaks from working, and, in a sense, socialise. Imp. Kaiba missed him. 

He swallowed another mouthful of tutorial level pasta and sauce. "Why are you still here?" he ground out at Mazaki in a tone specially engineered to make any high-level businessman quake in their custom baby-seal leather shoes. 

She had spent too long around him to be intimidated, Kaiba supposed. "I'm formulating a plan of attack," she answered casually, and Kaiba told himself that he had spent too long around her to be intimidated. 

Herculean task completed, Kaiba made to open his laptop and get back to work. Mazaki interrupted him. Again. "I want to show you something," she said, and unlocked her phone. Reluctantly intrigued, Kaiba waited. Her behaviour towards him was somewhat confusing - Jounouchi had certainly told her of last night's events, but Kaiba remembered Mazaki as being more direct in confrontation, especially when it concerned her friends. Kaiba could hardly be in her good books right now, but here she was. 

When Mazaki finished fiddling, she held up the screen towards Kaiba, her finger hovering over the bottom of the image she presented to him. It was the photo that had taken certain parts of the internet by storm a few days ago: Kaiba and Jounouchi sitting with Mai and Sam, Kaiba's face in profile but too distant to read as he told Mai to get her nose out of their business. Kaiba remembered Jounouchi's jittering at the questioning, his own sudden lack of improvisational skill. He supposed his history of standoffishness had saved them in that moment. Or maybe it hadn't, seeing as Mai- _ Kujaku _ hadn't seemed surprised at the later revelation at all. Or perhaps Jounouchi had told her. Kaiba hadn’t asked. 

In the photo, Kaiba's arm reached out and his hand disappeared from view, obscured by Jounouchi's body. It was still clear where it had landed. It was less clear why Mazaki was showing it to Kaiba. "Your point?" he asked. 

In lieu of responding, she flicked to the next image, a low quality gif of Kaiba throwing American cheese in Jounouchi's face. Kaiba was smirking throughout, and while Jounouchi's startled face became mostly obscured, he probably wasn't mirroring the expression. In his foray into the whole 'KaiJou' - as they had been termed by the morons that populated the internet - debate, Kaiba had found a disproportionately large amount of discussion about the video. Some argued that it was proof they were faking, due to his antagonism. Most thought it confirmed they weren't, as it showed neither of them were putting on romantic airs, which would have been out of character. What little the public knew about their relationship was stories from Battle City and the testimony of old classmates. Members of the small but dedicated pro Duel Monster player RPF community were, for lack of a better phrase, losing their fucking minds. 

Again, Kaiba failed to see the point. "So you made a holiday slideshow. How thoughtful," he remarked with enough sarcasm to knock out a horse. 

"I know, I'm such a sweetheart," Mazaki agreed, and swiped again. Another photo of him and Jounouchi on the benches. This, Kaiba leaned forward to look at - he hadn't noticed this one being taken. Jounouchi stood whooping at the duel in front of them and off-camera, while Kaiba himself sat, legs propped up on the seat in front of him, gaze fixed firmly on the excited man next to him. It had been taken from too far away to properly read Kaiba's expression, and Kaiba was fixed with the sudden, strange desire to know what it had been. He clamped down on it. 

Mazaki swiped again. A photo of them from the morning it had rained, sitting eating breakfast, a soaking wet Jounouchi favouring Kaiba with an idiotic grin. Another swipe. Kaiba, Jounouchi, Mai- _ Kujaku_, and Sam together on the dueling floor. This time, Kaiba was shooting Jounouchi a smirk as the other man spluttered. Swipe. Jounouchi startling as Kaiba kissed him on the cheek. Swipe. A shot through a window from above. Two figures, faces obscured, but even through the rain there was no doubting whose trademark coat it was that they were huddled under. Swipe. The seventh photo was as incensing as it was damning - Kaiba should've taken more care at that trashy dollar store, should've realised that with the families milling about there was at least some chance of being recognised. He'd been careless, and now he was forced to look at himself and Jounouchi shopping together, standing far too close together as they examined a colourful sack of candy. Kaiba grit his teeth. Why the hell was anyone paying attention _ there? _Photographing people without consent should warrant a life-sentence. 

Swipe. The pair of them posing for Mazaki at the lake, Jounouchi beaming at the camera with one hand in a peace sign and the other on Kaiba's back. Kaiba, who had been in professional photoshoots many times and knew the protocol, unforgivably looking at Jounouchi with a small, surprised smile. Swipe. Holding hands, looking irritated at a smartphone held out to record them. Swipe. Jounouchi kissing him. 

"You're both idiots, you know," Mazaki told him. 

Swipe. Standing on the podium, Kaiba speaking. Jounouchi held that awful trophy loosely in his hands. Kaiba wondered what had happened to it. 

"_Fine_, I get it," Kaiba spat, grateful that his glasses shielded his eyes, "he thinks we're friends and I upset him. Big news. I should think the lot of you would be used to that by now."

"That's a good point actually - I should think _ you _ would be used to the lot of _ us _ by now," Mazaki informed him, finding something else on her phone, and Kaiba didn't like to use words like _ God _ in his vocabulary, but _ God_, what _ now? _

Kaiba was bombarded with photos taken across the years. Jounouchi was in a fair amount of them, but so were the rest of them. Kaiba, as much as he tried not to, did actually know all of the idiot's names. A selfie of Mazaki, with Kaiba and Yuugi dueling without holograms on the floor in the background. Swipe. Identical looks of genuine horror on Kaiba and Honda's faces as Bakura wiped his eyes with a raw, peeled, onion half. (Sometimes Kaiba woke up sweating, remembering that. He hadn't even _ blinked_.) Swipe. The group chatting in the kitchen at Kaiba mansion, Mokuba sitting on the island. The camera focused on the main group, and Kaiba wasn't part of it, but in the unfocused background of the room Jounouchi attempted to pull someone through the doorway. 

"Do you have any idea," Mazaki asked, "how fucking frustrating you are?" 

Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. 

"Jou doesn't 'think' you're friends. You are friends. Just like we're friends. And you and Yuugi, and now you and Mai from the sound of it. When are you going to get that through that thick skull of yours?" 

Kaiba’s hands were not shaking. "I-" 

"And don't even _ try _ and deny it this time, Kaiba," Mazaki raised her voice for the first time in their conversation, brandishing her sentiment-stuffed phone like a weaponised brick. "We're all fed up with that. Even Otogi, and he gets a kick out of seeing you be stupid."

"I kidnapped Yuugi's grandfather," Kaiba argued, hands balled into fists on the desk. "I stood by as my tournament put people into comas. I dragged you all into that deathtrap of a simulation. I am insulting to the lot of you at every turn."

"Everyone entered that tournament willingly and _ you _ were not the one doing that," Mazaki countered in a yell. The hotel walls, being shoddy commercial American constructions, likely did little to prevent anyone from hearing. "Noa and your shitbag of a father dragged us into that. I notice you didn't mention that time you _ saved my life _with that ridiculous helicopter stunt!" 

"I-"

"No! You don't get to argue this time! You make no sense, Kaiba! You act like you hate to be around us, but Yuugi has catch up lunches scheduled with you every month and he tells me you haven't skipped _ once. _ Honda says you always go to his garage even though you're a billionaire, and you say you don't have time to fix things yourself, but somehow you still have time to stick around and interrogate him on what he's doing. You always pick up when Jounouchi calls even though it's your work phone and you _ know _ he's just gonna say something dumb like 'is your refrigerator running.' 

"And that's just the obvious stuff! The apartment I had in New York was _ suspiciously _good and I had no competition, not a single problem setting up a life in a new country. Jounouchi tells us Serenity got a college scholarship without even applying. What doublethink hoops does your 9000 IQ brain go through to explain all of that?"

She listed his sins with such an accusative air that Kaiba couldn't deny them. He didn't know why he'd done most of them, only that he’d had resources that he might as well use. And that if he'd tried doing anything for Jounouchi directly, he'd have likely ended up with his door kicked down. As it was, Jounouchi had just called him up at work with some awkward, meandering greeting, and Kaiba had hung up the moment he'd realised Jounouchi was trying to thank him. A few minutes later Jounouchi had called a second time to ask if Kaiba's refrigerator was running, to which Kaiba had given his standard "no" and hung up again. 

(The longest Jounouchi had ever managed to keep Kaiba on the line during one of his ridiculous calls had been a request to order a boneless pizza. Kaiba had been too furious to hang up. And now Jounouchi had Kaiba's mobile number. He'd have to change it.)

Mazaki was standing over him now, hands on her hips, eyes narrowed. It wasn't the first time Kaiba had been on the receiving end of a friendship speech, but they had never been quite so aggressive before. Kaiba made to get up, to tower over Mazaki with his whole one inch of height difference, but the desk was in the way. Shoving everything on it to the floor would be petulant, and Kaiba was being entirely reasonable so he stayed in his seat. "...I _ did _ kidnap Yuugi's grandfather. I hospitalised him. I tore up his Blue-Eyes," Kaiba insisted desperately. There. Try and counter that one. 

"...Okay, I'll give you that one," Mazaki grumbled. "But you'll excuse me being blasé when it was six years ago, and we found out afterwards that he'd been hospitalised for a heart attack."

"A heart attack that I gave him."

"He has coronary artery disease. Do you really think you injured him by beating him in a card game?" 

"Oh, so _ now _ card games that kill people are ridiculous. What about all those impossible 'shadow games'?" 

Mazaki raised both her eyebrows so that they were around level with the stratosphere. "Oh, so you were playing a shadow game?" she questioned mockingly. "You're right, that _ is _terrible. Calling on the dark magic forces you have repeatedly stated you don't believe in. Despicable."

Down on ammunition, Kaiba ducked behind cover. "_None _ of this makes me your friend. I don't need you," he argued, and readied himself for being told everyone needs friends, no one is an island, etc etc etc. "I am perfectly sufficient by myself. I don't need any of you." No one had helped him and Mokuba at the orphanage, no one had helped them out from under Gozaburo's thumb except for their own gain. 

Blood rushed about Kaiba's body fast enough it became solid; solid bonds of blood constricting in his chest, and his heart beat against them with just as much fervor in an attempt to free itself. The friction caused Kaiba's bones to shake, but he kept his skin still, no matter how difficult breathing was becoming. Kaiba hadn't made it this far by showing his opponents weakness. "I don't need anyone," he repeated. If Kaiba hadn't needed anyone but himself _ then_, he certainly didn't _ now_. Not when he'd already climbed out, clawing up the skin of others and leaving oozing gashes in place of footprints. Mokuba's, he'd tried to bandage. Kaiba hadn't had the heart for anyone else. 

_Don't need don't need do it myself don't need don't deserve- _

"So?" 

Kaiba was immediately caught off guard. "What do you mean, _ 'SO' _?" he raged. 

There was pain in his palms where his nails dug in as Kaiba felt rather than saw Mazaki moving to sit down. Not leaving. "It's okay. You can breathe. One in, one out. It'll be over soon, just breathe," she repeated, and Kaiba felt a hand on his shoulder through the miasma. 

Slowly, but surely, Kaiba's fists unclenched, and his hands moved to bury fingers in his hair. They hid in the untidied locks as he bowed his head down, leaning forward, elbows on the desk. His sunglasses slipped and clattered to the desk, and Kaiba stared at the wood. It was a cheap material, already flecking away to reveal plyboard at the edges. Kaiba focused on the grainy surfaced, patterned with lines and whorls like the turbulent surface of Jupiter. 

"Maybe it's true," Mazaki said softly, "maybe you don't need anyone. But if you have to think of it like that, then… you're allowed to have things you don't need, you know? Yuugi thinks… we always kinda thought that you just didn't want to say it out loud. But I'm going to tell you, now, to stop saying we're not friends. Because it's not true, and it hurts. Us and you. You're not a complete asshole, so stop acting like one. It hasn't worked on us yet."

Kaiba watched a drop of water crash to the surface of Jupiter. "Fine," he conceded in a hoarse voice. "Fine. You win. I lose. Happy?" 

The hand on his shoulder vanished only for Kaiba to immediately have a pair of arms wrapped around him, and a chin pressing down on his shoulder. "Score two for Anzu Mazaki," she exhaled with a short bark of a laugh that vibrated through him, warmth spreading from the point of origin. "And there's a benefit to losing, you know. You can learn from your mistakes."

Despite himself, Kaiba let out a small chuckle. His eyes burned along the lower lids, his throat constricted, but he stopped fighting it and it hurt less. "Are you quoting _ Megamind _ at me now?" 

She giggled against Kaiba's back and squeezed tighter. "Yup. You've seen it?"

"Mokuba likes superheroes. That film especially." 

"Mmm. Of the two of you, he always had the better taste. You raised him well."

Jupiter was disturbed by another watery meteor. "I'm trying," said Kaiba, extracting his hands from his hair. Wiping each cheek once, he looked up and out through the window, out at the lake and the trees that hid the chalets. It was raining, Kaiba realised, now able to hear the patter without blood rushing in his ears. Breaths still came shaky, but they were easier. "Thank you," Kaiba murmured. "Now get off me."

"Aye, sir," Mazaki said. She removed herself from Kaiba's back, and when he turned Kaiba saw she was grinning at him. "There's just one more thing, before I can let you go back to your villainous life of overworking yourself to build theme parks for underprivileged kids."

"When you say it like that, it sounds stupid," Kaiba commented dryly. 

"Nuh-uh-uh," Mazaki wiggled a finger at him as she got up before gesturing him to follow. "No cheeky snark as an avoidance tactic."

Kaiba sighed in irritation, "Yes, I know." He gathered up his laptop, his disposable cup, and his remaining wits before fixing his gaze on the door. The light wasn't as harsh on his eyes as it had been earlier, so he tucked his Ray-Bans into a pocket. Straightening his shoulders, Kaiba headed to the door. 

Mazaki followed him, checking her phone. "Hm, 9:23. _ Should _ be awake by now. He's a heavy sleeper, I had _ no _ luck whatsoever before I left."

Refusing to stop in his tracks, Kaiba glared at her on the move for efficiency’s sake. "What was that about _ eat or I'll tell him where you are?_" he hissed. So much for the implication Jounouchi wanted to see him.

"Well," grinned Mazaki, drawing out the vowel and looking slightly abashed, but mainly just pleased with herself, "it worked, didn't it?" 

"...I'm friends with scheming, lying traitors." 

Mazaki beamed at the accusation. "Yes, yes you are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ending of jounouchi's call for boneless pizza, in which he managed to lead kaiba in a circular argument for around ten minutes, went as follows  
jou: haHA i got u good lmao  
kaiba: yes, you 'got' me. i am devestated. i am devestated by how pathetic you are, calling me at 11pm on a friday to make shitty jokes even your moronic friends have clearly tired of  
jou: .....dont u have caller ID?  
kaiba: yes what's your point  
jou: you picked up :/ at 11pm on a friday  
kaiba:  
jou: you havent hung up yet either  
kaiba:  
jou:  
kaiba: [hangs up]
> 
> next chapter: is not finished. might not be here by next week as the uni assignments i have been diligently avoiding are catching up with me. some suggestions as for what to do next week instead: listen to Grew On Me by Tim Minchin on loop; watch season 1 of dirk gently's holistic detective agency, episode 5 of which influenced this in ways i didn't notice til i was halfway through writing


	11. The Worst Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jounouchi has breakfast. Kaiba has bacterial meningitis.

For the second time in twenty-four hours, Kaiba found himself hesitating in front of the white concrete of the chalet. Examining it in the drizzle-dusted light of day, it did not seem so intimidating as it had the previous night. There was no ignoring that clash between the roof and the windows; the dullness of the walls, somewhat dirty under the clouds, mud encroaching on perfection. The building was no longer a monument of clean lines burning in the sunset, but a mismatched hut in the woods. It probably helped that Kaiba's head was somewhat clearer. Yet Kaiba still hesitated as he stood in the rain. After all, it wasn't really about the building. 

Anzu stood patiently, far more patiently than he deserved, at Kaiba's side, hands tucked into the pockets of her peach raincoat. Anzu. Referring to her like that would take some getting used to, but she annoyingly insisted upon it. After a minute of silence as flecks of water worried Kaiba’s face, his hair, his hands - unprotected from the elements as they clutched his burden - Kaiba steeled himself and walked to the door. Retrieving his keycard with one hand, he turned to his friend, opened his mouth, and closed it again. 

She seemed to understand. "You're welcome," Anzu said. "I'll probably either be with Mai or at the spa. Possibly both. Now get out of the wet." 

Then she headed off back down the path, and Kaiba turned back to the card in his hand and scanned it. Pushing the door open with a shoulder, he found the main room empty but the doors to both the bedroom and bathroom open. The articles of clothing Jounouchi had left lying about were gone. Relieving himself of his shoes and his laptop bag, Kaiba headed to the bedroom. 

Jounouchi sat on his side of the bed, fully dressed and cross legged on the rumpled sheets, rucksack on the floor beside him. His attention was on the pile of clothes in front of him: Mokuba's haphazardly folded suit, tie and collar chain on top, hoodie string trailing from his mouth as he fixed them with a blank expression. He gave off the impression of someone who hadn’t moved in a while, other than his right-hand fingers that slowly knotted and unknotted a hair tie. "Whatever you're gonna say," he greeted without looking up, string falling, "I'm not sure I wanna hear it."

Giving a minute nod before realising Jounouchi couldn't see it, Kaiba walked around to his side of the bed and sat down carefully, propping himself up on the pillows against the headboard. Silently, Kaiba took his offering and placed it next to Jounouchi's knee. 

Jounouchi looked up at the styrofoam boxes and cutlery. "Huh?" 

"It's raining," Kaiba responded by way of explanation, and rain pattered on the window in agreement.

Taking a quick glance at Kaiba like he was someone on public transport who he couldn't tell if he recognised or not, Jounouchi took the first box into his lap and opened it to find scrambled eggs and bacon. "What's in the other one?" he asked. 

"Waffles and maple syrup. There's coffee too." Kaiba held up the disposable cup still in his hands. 

Jounouchi reached across and took it, burnishing Kaiba’s fingers with his own in the process. "Breakfast in bed, huh," he murmured suspiciously, taking a sip before placing it on his side of the table and digging in with a fork. Kaiba hadn't expected the knife would get much use. "'S'bit cold, though. Where's yours?" Jounouchi asked through a mouthful of eggs. 

Bereft of anything to do with his hands, Kaiba drew his knees up and tucked them between his thighs. "Anzu already force-fed me pasta," he admitted in a grumble. "And told me that I'd had enough coffee." That was what really rankled - as if Kaiba could ever have enough coffee - but judging by his heart palpitations she'd had a point. 

"Anzu always knows best," Jounouchi acknowledged, a thousand telling-tos etched onto his face. "Fact of life." Wiggling himself backwards, Jounouchi made a slouching mirror of Kaiba's pose, lying against a stack of pillows with his breakfast on his stomach. The expanse of sheets between them rose and fell in sharp, crinkled rhythm and low relief, like mountains. "Breakfast in bed…" he repeated, seemingly more to himself than to Kaiba. "Could get used to it. Unlike _ you_," he said with an accusative air, jabbing a fork in Kaiba's direction. A little bit of egg landed on Kaiba's sweater-enclosed chest, and he picked it off and placed it delicately on his bedside table as if it were jewelry he took off to sleep. "Known you for… six years? Still not used to you."

"It's mutual," Kaiba responded. He couldn't look directly at Jounouchi's face, but he couldn't look away either, so he flicked his gaze on the rapidly disappearing food, on Jounouchi's hands, on the rumpled, bobbled hoodie that fell around him. 

"Mutual," echoed Jounouchi, letting out a short snort before shoving bacon into his mouth and chewing despondently. "By the way," he added in a conversational tone, still with food in his mouth, "just in case you're even worse at reading people than talking to ‘em, I'm pretty fucking mad at you. Just thought I'd let you know."

"I thought that might be the case," Kaiba said wryly, "you usually look at me more."

Swapping his now empty box for the one with waffles, Jounouchi still didn't look at Kaiba. "So you _ do _notice shit like that. Nice to know. Ooh, whipped cream," he mused, seemingly forgetting that he had a fork and scooping it into his mouth with his hand. Kaiba couldn't help his eye twitch, but it wasn't like Jounouchi was looking at him right then. "They didn't have any last time."

"I asked at the kitchen." Well, Kaiba had walked into the kitchen and grabbed it himself when no one stopped him, but same difference. 

Jounouchi ignored cutlery entirely now in favour of picking up the waffle by an area that wasn't covered in syrup with his hands and biting. He sighed as he chewed and Kaiba hoped those hands were clean. It really was unsanitary. "See," he huffed after swallowing, "shit like this is why I'm not used to you." Another bite was taken, chewed, and swallowed. "I thought we were really getting along this week, and then you say we're not friends, and vanish on what was apparently a three hour drinking binge because my company is just that bad." Bite, chew, swallow. "Then, you turn up wasted, get me to dance with you, and for a second I think you're gonna fucking kiss me. _ Then _ you throw my own words in my face. And _ now _ you get me scrambled eggs with the exact right amount of salt and pepper I like, and waffles with whip specially." 

He took another bite, and didn't take his time chewing, sending flecks of batter flying like so much tiny, soft shrapnel. "What the fuck am I supposed to take from all that? Just what the _ fuck _ is your problem, asshole?" Jounouchi rounded on him finally, voice raised in pitch and volume, brows contorted, hand clenched around his waffle and jabbing it aggressively. "If nothing else, I don't get how you're not dead in a ditch from the hangover right now."

“I am rather used to migraines," Kaiba answered, eyes following the brandished food. He felt a small smirk make its way onto his features when he couldn't help but add, "I have to work with Pegasus on occasion, after all."

Jounouchi snorted, and popped the last bit of waffle into his mouth. "Usually you'd say me," he commented, licking his fingers, still glaring. 

"Usually," agreed Kaiba. Eyeing the sheets between them, Kaiba found them irritating in their rumpled, mountainous appearance. Moving one hand, he tried to smooth them down flat, but the ridges merely moved, changed form. They’d both have to move if they wanted to sort the sheets out properly.

Watching the motion, Jounouchi picked up the coffee without turning around and sipped with a slurping sound. When he spoke again it was a far cry from the previous, comfortable rage. "...Did you really hate being around me this week to the point you had to drink?" Jounouchi asked quietly. 

Kaiba examined his face, at the suddenly slack jaw, the eyes that were dragged down by bags; unfocused on the cup in his hand as if it were a freshly filled grave, they were too tired to sustain a proper, righteous anger. Jounouchi's blue nail paint had nearly chipped off entirely, leaving the ragged, lightly damaged surfaces underneath exposed. He must have been picking at them, peeling the layers off instead of letting them shed naturally. Whether that was better or worse than chewing at his clothing, Kaiba couldn’t tell. 

"No, it wasn't that," Kaiba answered. "You are not… bad company."

At that, Jounouchi looked up at him, and he had to look away. 

"I enjoy your company," Kaiba confessed quietly. 

"Real funny way of showing it,” Jounouchi huffed. “You're like the living embodiment of mixed signals. S'like hanging out with… I dunno. Like I'm on a roller-coaster while blindfolded and just when I get used to it there's another fucking curve or loop the loop or some shit."

Kaiba examined his own nails - they needed clipping - as the mattress and sheets shifting under him warned him of the incoming Jounouchi, making his way across the perilous peaks as an intrepid mountaineer. Under his weight the fabric created dynamic lines shooting out from under him in radius, as if he were an explosion or a bright light. 

Years ago, Kaiba had dismissed Jounouchi's bravado as blind stupidity and aggression - he'd challenged Kaiba in Duelist Kingdom when he'd barely known what a card was, in some kind of attempt to prove himself. Jounouchi had continued to challenge him every so often, when he felt that he'd completed some arbitrary stage and needed to face the final boss. If Kaiba had thought there was anything behind it other than the simple fact that he was the metric to be measured against, he might have been confused. There was an element of that in Jounouchi still, his willingness to fling himself into a situation with no plan, no way out - he'd agreed to enter Battle Paradise with Kaiba after all. But Kaiba had realised, watching over the years, that Jounouchi was perfectly capable of fear. He just also had that annoying, admirable tenacity that meant he never backed down. 

Jounouchi was also a lot closer than he had been mere seconds ago. Not close enough that they touched, but close enough that they could, if they wanted to. 

"You know I didn't agree to this for Yuugi, right? I mean, yeah, he asked, but I didn't have to say yes. I didn't have to stick with it, even when you came out with that bullshit plan," Jounouchi prodded from where he now hunched over three centimeters away. 

"I know," Kaiba admitted. 

"Well, good," said Jounouchi. "'Cause it sucked hearing you doubt me like that."

"I'm a very skeptical person."

"No shit. So… what was last night about then? You owe me an explanation." 

Despite the fact that Kaiba had been planning how he would answer that question ever since he left the lounge with Anzu, he suddenly found remembering the right words quite difficult. Oh, there were words he found easily, instinctively - a thousand insults and deflections fighting amongst themselves, shoving each other to get to the front of the queue to slide off Kaiba's tongue - but they weren't the right ones. He would just have to improvise. 

“I have said many times that we are not friends, but hearing you repeat the sentiment was… upsetting in a way I did not expect. Mai offered me a drink and things got out of hand,” Kaiba summarized. Rehearsed words from earlier radiated disapproval, but it wasn’t exactly a lie. “And now I regret what happened afterwards.”

"...I knew you were bad at this, but man, you’re really bad at this, aren't you," Jounouchi mused after a moment's pause. “The whole ‘relationships with people who aren’t Mokuba’ thing.”

Kaiba tried to make as little facial movement as possible, and kept his face turned away. He managed a tiny nod.

“I’m still mad,” Jounouchi said slowly. “But I get it. I just wish you wouldn’t… jerk me around. ‘Cause weirdly enough I actually like hanging out with you too, but I can’t deal with that.” Jounouchi drew his legs up to wrap his arms around them, and silence echoed around them. “It's just that… my old man drank a lot,” Jounouchi said eventually. "'Even more after… after the split and I was all- he- I had to look after him."

Ah. "The descriptor you used for him was 'piece of shit,'" Kaiba recalled. 

"Yeah." Jounouchi's grip on himself tightened. "It was." 

Jounouchi didn’t elaborate. He didn’t need to. Kaiba had spent years provoking Jounouchi to watch his emotional responses, enjoying making him irritated, angry, confused. Amused. This was one he found he couldn't stand. Without thinking, Kaiba bridged the three centimetres between them and placed a hand on Jounouchi's nearest shoulder blade. 

Before Kaiba could realise what he'd done, Jounouchi was immediately leaning into the touch. He closed the gap entirely, warm against Kaiba's side. "Bit touchy-feely for you," he muttered, his blonde hair tickling against Kaiba's jaw. 

Give Jounouchi an inch and he'd take a mile, but Kaiba steeled himself and refused to move a millimetre in any direction. "Don't be foolish. I have bacterial meningitis," he deadpanned. "It can be spread through close personal contact."

Jounouchi let out a short, quiet jolt of laughter. Not particularly happy laughter, but getting there. "Aw, for me? Babe, you shouldn't have."

Rather glad Jounouchi couldn't see his face, Kaiba felt his cheeks burning. "Only the worst for you, deadbeat," he said, wondering if Jounouchi fully appreciated the irony. Clearly he was the one infecting Kaiba with something deadly, not the other way round. 

It had stopped raining, and their nest was disturbed by the arrival of someone at the door. Anzu didn’t have a keycard - fuck, she was probably waiting to go - and Kaiba drew himself up. It was their last day and they would have to get going.

“Hello? Housekeeping!” called a man’s voice in English from the front door. 

Jounouchi too hauled himself off the bed with the energy of a fifteen-year-old persian cat, and Kaiba smoothed the sheets flat as best as he could in his wake. “We’ll be out in a minute,” he replied, and Kaiba gained brief amusement from that affected New York accent. Kaiba moved about, gathering his unpacked items as quickly as possible, and when he returned from the bathroom he found Jounouchi pouring the entire contents of the heart-shaped condom basket into his bag. When he caught Kaiba staring, he looked only mildly abashed. “What?” he asked, tossing the plastic basket back on the bedside table. “They’re _ free_. What am I gonna do, _ not _ take them?”

Kaiba wondered if Pegasus had truly tried to be accommodating, or if they had been an early taunt. “Check the drawers.”

After a brief millisecond of investigation, it transpired that the top drawer contained a Gideon Bible and an eight ounce bottle of Bad Dragon branded ‘cum’ lube, perfectly straddling the line between insult and affectionate jab. “Guess that’s why you always loot everything,” snorted Jounouchi after a second of silence. Then he packed it into his bag. “Well, I ain't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Ha. Get it?”

Kaiba rolled his eyes at that one.

The original plan had been to drive back to Sacramento and fly home in one day, but despite the remaining sense of urgency he also recognised how tired he was. Piloting a plane for eight hours after driving for four was probably a bad idea. Another overnight stay at KaibaLand it was. 

Packing their luggage away in the car, Jounouchi reported contact from Anzu with a groan. “She said she’s expecting us to take a while, so she’s doing some kind of spa thing with Mai. She’ll be back and ready to leave by half twelve, hopefully, but it’s only just eleven now.”

Contemplating their conundrum, Kaiba realised they already had a perfect way to occupy their time. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the keycard to Pegasus’s suite. “I have a proposition,” he said. 

Once he explained, Jounouchi’s downcast face broke into a genuine grin.

***

Pegasus's private suite was a spacious set of rooms below the dueling floor, looking out onto the lake and mountains. The central room acted as both a living room and a study, with a thick red carpet Kaiba could feel being crushed under his feet even through his shoes, and a wide-seated burgundy couch in the center of the floor looked equally cushy. An enormous and completely unused desk stood against one wall, and a long mahogany bookshelf with a TV set into the center covered the other, the hardback spines looking suspiciously fresh, and Kaiba wondered if the pages were uncut (it wasn’t like anyone lived there, he supposed). Two doors on the right hand wall lead to the bedroom and the bathroom, and an arch in the left wall lead to a small kitchen and dining area. Hanging over the desk was the large print that had caused Kaiba and Mai to take one more bottle than planned from Pegasus’s entirely too extensive stash. After dropping his rucksack next to the couch, Jounouchi was caught in its disturbing gravitational pull.

Kaiba joined him beneath the image, both of their arms folded as they examined the scene. It was a strange one, rather explicit, and the artist was no Caravaggio. Supposedly this room was not used for business meetings. 

"Well," Jounouchi surmised after two minutes of disturbed, fascinated silence, "that sure is two guys fucking… in a tree?"

"Yes," agreed Kaiba, because there really was no arguing with the fact. "It very much is two men fucking in what looks like the branches of a tree."

Another twenty-three seconds passed before Jounouchi made a loud exhalation. "I can't stop looking at that one's eyes," he whispered, feebly gesturing to the man who displayed a curious lack of energy considering the role he was in. He leered at the viewer with a lazy, gormless expression. 

It was certainly an arresting gaze, but Kaiba found himself focusing on other areas of canvas. "I don't understand," he said, "why they both still have socks on."

"_That's _ what you're confused about? Not the fact that they're both bare-balled against tree bark?" Jounouchi gesticulated at the offending balls. Kaiba wasn't a person given to sympathy, but he was starting to get phantom pains looking at them. "And why do they look like that? No one's balls look like that, do they? Did they get scraped down against the tree? They've been going at it up there for _ that long? _" 

"Everything else seems self-explanatory." It really didn't, but Kaiba had decided to focus on those socks like his life depended on it rather than confront the rest of the image.

Jounouchi leaned closer to it for some reason. "Why is his ass so flat? What's that thing on his hip supposed to be, some kind of weird, hairy growth?" he questioned, gesturing to tap at the canvas without actually touching it. 

His probing dragged Kaiba's eyes away from the safety of the socks. What did the symbols on the dominant man's skin mean? What did it all mean? Was it a metaphor for something? What did these men represen-

"Man, do you think it was here already, or did Pegasus bring it?" questioned Jounouchi. 

Or it could just mean Pegasus was a wildly eccentric man. "The latter." Kaiba hoped it was the latter. 

"Why is… actually, you know what, I don't want to look at Pegasus's porn art with you anymore," Jounouchi announced in an inspiring display of self-control, shaking his head and tearing himself away. "Which one’s the toilet?" 

Kaiba snapped himself out of his two-men-fucking-in-a-tree induced reverie to lead the way to the bathroom door, opening into another largish room. The walls and floor were cream marble, and the glass-walled shower big enough to comfortably house a family of five. This was what Jounouchi made a beeline for, tying his unruly hair back in a tiny, messy, highly ineffectual bun. All the hair that would actually get in his face remained where it was. 

“You’d think with such a fancy place they’d’ve sprung for a big-ass jacuzzi or something, not a shower big enough to have a jacuzzi inside it,” he complained as he examined the plumbing. “Least it’s a simple screw in,” he continued, wrapping his hand around the showerhead. Kaiba watched him work with mild fascination. Evidently it was screwed tight, judging by the effort Jounouchi was having to put into twisting his arm while on tiptoes to reach. Lacking anything to do himself - they’d judged every other quick and easy prank too obvious - Kaiba decided to offer assistance in the form of simply walking over and reaching up with his superior height. Jounouchi attempted to bat his hand away. “I’ve got it,” he grumbled. 

“Clearly,” Kaiba responded, unsticking the showerhead after a few wrenches, then letting his hands fall for Jounouchi to fully remove it. They both jumped backwards as it came free, smattering them with water droplets.

Jounouchi retrieved the bouillon cubes from his pocket, tore open the packaging, and commenced the transfer, humming a familiar theme as he did. Kaiba made to lean against the wall with his arms folded before realising it was decorated with silver hair. _ Yeugh_. “This is so wild,” Jounouchi blurted out as he crammed as much chicken stock into Pegasus’s showerhead as he possibly could. They wouldn't be around to smell the result, nor would it really affect Pegasus's life in any way. It was still immensely satisfying. 

“This was _ your _ idea, moron,” Kaiba replied. “Stop putting so much in, you don’t want to block the waterflow entirely.”

“Not _ that_,” clarified Jounouchi, stabbing at his little stash with a finger to try and break it up. “It’s wild that you’re doing it with me, you know? One final team up for team dragon.” Apparently satisfied, he reached up carefully to start screwing the showerhead back onto the pipe. “Thought you’d pretend to be above this petty shit.”

Usually Kaiba would, but in front of Jounouchi he didn’t feel the need. “You do remember when I changed your Battle City profile to read _ Level 2 - Useless nobody_?”

“...Good point. You’re an asshole,” Jounouchi conceded, admiring his good work with his hands on his hips. “You really used to hate me, huh.” 

“It wasn’t that I hated you,” Kaiba found himself disagreeing, “you were fun to antagonise. I enjoyed watching all the amusing faces you’d pull when you were angry.” Then he remembered that first duel Jounouchi had challenged him to was right after he’d been expressly told Kaiba was on his way to rescue his kidnapped brother. He also remembered how despite his aggression, his incompetence, Jounouchi was somehow able to maintain relationships seemily with ease. How he always rolled with his losses. “...And I did hate you a bit.”

Jounouchi responded to this by pulling an amusing face. “Yeah, well it was mutual, jerkface. Let’s get out of the shower.”

When he had been caught and subtly interrogated, 'John' had informed them that Pegasus was currently participating in some sort of couples' boating activity as everyone's annoying third wheel and wouldn't be back for at least an hour. Jounouchi seated himself in the middle of the couch and fiddled with the television. Flicking through the numbers, Jounouchi passed over romantic dramas, shopping channels, a show about recent paroles looking after pitbulls, and many more flashes he didn't give the time of day. Contemplating whether or not to attempt to do any work on his phone, Kaiba stood next to him. He watched the images flash by until they eventually settled on a documentary about the Dyatlov Pass incident, at which point Kaiba was surprised by a hand reaching up and yanking his arm.

"Quit hovering, rich-boy, s'making me nervous," Jounouchi told him, pulling Kaiba down and onto the couch next to him, into the small space between Jounouchi and the armrest. Their legs and arms bumped together and Kaiba tried not to jolt at the feeling - so casual, so incidental. Jounouchi never seemed to have to think about touching him. 

Watching the screen for twelve seconds, Kaiba asked, "Your usual viewing habits?" Admittedly, it was the kind of programming Kaiba would quickly find himself invested in on the elusive occasion he watched TV, much to his chagrin. Being taken in by such sensationalism was hardly something to be proud of. 

"Eh, not really," Jounouchi responded. "Don’t usually watch TV on an actual TV. But it's something."

"Hmm," agreed Kaiba. 

A minute passed with a voiceover detailing the locations of nine dead bodies in the Ural Mountains. Kaiba felt every millimeter of it, all sixty seconds of Jounouchi's leg against his own, before Jounouchi asked, "When did you stop?" 

Turning to look at him, Kaiba found that Jounouchi's eyes were not on the TV either. Hair tie being used for its actual intended purpose for once, Jounouchi fiddled with the tag that dangled from his neck, thumb smoothing over the silhouette of the dragon. "Hating me, I mean," he clarified, face no further or closer from Kaiba's than usual, but entirely too close all the same. He always sat that close. And Kaiba let him, for some reason. 

Kaiba turned back to the screen. "I don't know. In some ways, I still do."

Feeling Jounouchi tense up against him, Kaiba felt the need to clarify. "I meant what I said about enjoying your company, but what I said last night is also true," he began, staring at the TV in front of him, flashing images of snow and mystery. "You say that you are still not used to me - I am not used to you either. You infect me- let me finish," he held up his hand to silence Jounouchi's angry retort that he no doubt would produce, "you infect me with your idiotic cheer, your overemotional demeanour - you have the capacity for such interesting faces, it makes me jab and prod to see what I can make you produce. Worse than that, when you're around I can feel my face moving too. You give off this- this _ static _ and it gets into my bones, muscles, skin, and I hate it. I feel like I am not in control of myself and I can't stand it."

It was his tongue that Kaiba felt he had no control over in that moment, every muscle in his body tense, shaking. He was vaguely surprised at Jounouchi's lack of interruption. It figured that the time Kaiba desperately wanted to stop talking, Jounouchi wanted him to continue, somehow sitting even closer than before. 

"The worst part is when we argue, and I know you're right. Or when I know you're upset, and I want to do something about it. Or like just now, pulling me down to sit next to you so casually like you don't have to think about it, and I want to not have to think about it either. Or when you make some dumb fuck pun and I can feel myself smiling, and it means you've won something, and I've lost. It makes me want to lose."

The words burst from his mouth of their own accord. Not having thought about any of them, Kaiba knew they must be true, and hated it. 

He also knew that he was going to die when he felt Jounouchi's finger beneath his chin again, nail sharper than before; Jounouchi’s brown, narrow eyes as impossibly wide as the universe as he turned Kaiba to meet them. He really did pull such interesting expressions, Kaiba thought hysterically, completely unable to think of a name for the current tinge of Jounouchi's cheeks. But he was really more interested in Jounouchi's eyes. They were neither a rare colour nor shape, and Kaiba had no doubt seen many like them, but somehow Jounouchi's were different. Such a terrifically rich, deep, brown. You couldn't mistake them for gemstones, those hard, dead things. They reminded Kaiba of trees, of soil, a forest full of vibrant life he could easily lose his way in, wandering with no hope of escape. 

"You make me want to lose," Kaiba repeated. “I cannot stand being around you."

And this time, perhaps Jounouchi understood. Perhaps he was just fed up, frustrated and impulsive after a week of being in each other's orbit, and was thinking about his actions before doing them about as much as Kaiba was. Because rather than shove him away, or yell, or restrain a punch, like he usually would, Jounouchi's behaviour continued to be utterly beyond comprehension. "Fuck this," he swore, before, defying all rationality, grabbing Kaiba by the jaw and kissing him on the mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was gonna wait to post this monday, but fuck it, its jou's birthday
> 
> 🎼🎵 you grew on me 🎶 like a tumouuuuur 🎵 
> 
> next chapter: :^)


	12. Win-Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba continues to find Jounouchi confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is rated E. if you would like to skip that content, using the Find in page function in your browser to search the word 'refreshed' will take you to the end of it.

When Jounouchi had kissed Kaiba in the arena, it had been light and imprecise. It hadn't even lasted a second, like stranger brushing against stranger in the street. This kiss was a little longer, firmer, more insistent. Unavoidable. Once Jounouchi’s mouth was on Kaiba’s he barely moved, and for exactly four seconds and seventeen heartbeats Kaiba felt Jounouchi's lips against his own. He could feel every chapped ridge, every fleck of skin frayed from worrying. 

Four seconds and seventeen heartbeats. It was long enough for Kaiba to close his eyes. 

Jounouchi detached and Kaiba’s eyes flickered open again only to be confronted with Jounouchi’s: darker than ever, too close, far too close. He could've asked Jounouchi what he thought he was doing. He could've shoved him away, he could have shouted. All of these bludgeons floated within reach, tantalising in their familiarity. It would have been easy to grab their well-worn handles and wield them once more, but Kaiba's hands shook as he reached out. He was on fire. 

Flames surged from Kaiba's skin and bones to wrap around Jounouchi and turn him to ash, and Jounouchi ignored them completely in favour of rubbing his thumb across Kaiba's cheek, and it was that firm, clumsy, incomprehensible caress that did it. It shouldn’t have been a world ending sensation. That was impossible. Yet Kaiba still felt like he was imploding, going supernova, and had no idea as to whether he would become a neutron star, a black hole, or cease existing entirely. 

There was a moment in which nothing happened, Kaiba feeling his pulse vibrate against Jounouchi's fingers on his neck. Jounouchi opened his mouth and a single, halting "I… " shot out like a bullet from a revolver and vanished just as quickly, leaving only gunpowder smoke in its absence. 

Kaiba didn’t trust himself to say anything. He rather felt that he had said too much already. Kissing Jounouchi back was the easy alternative, burying his hands in Jounouchi’s hair and shoving their lips together again as quickly as he could, rather than allow Jounouchi to look at him, for them to look at each other, for a single millisecond longer. 

The softness of Jounouchi’s lips was dulled by the press of teeth behind them as he moved his own hands to claw through Kaiba’s hair, paw at his neck, his shoulders, his chest, as adverse to stillness as ever. Kaiba kissed Jounouchi with no finesse, no technique, with everything he felt and everything he didn’t know how to feel, frantic mouth stumbling about like a drunk past midnight who doesn't quite know where they're going or how to get there, only that they have to keep moving. 

"Feel anything this time?" Kaiba managed between attacks, tugging out Jounouchi's hair tie to properly bury his hands in that cacophony of bleach. 

"Yeah, yeah I do," Jounouchi breathed against him, warm, hot, blazing. "You?" 

"No," Kaiba murmured. "You suck at this."

Jounouchi's jaw dropped in indignation, but he didn't let go. "You're the worst," he promised. "The absolute worst," he insisted, punctuating each sentence with another press of lips and teeth. "I can't stand you either."

Tugging Jounouchi's head this way, that way, Kaiba swallowed sighs and saliva that tasted of metal. He knew he couldn’t possibly be getting it right, but neither could he slow down, so he moved on to Jounouchi’s jaw. Another item was added to Kaiba's list of failures when a gasp escaped him, Jounouchi using his fingers to carve deep trenches into his abdomen after wrenching his sweater out of his waistband. Kaiba’s lithosphere cracked and dissolved and reformed, shifted by the convection currents of hot magma that pushed out from his core. As the crust broke, lava emerged, and Kaiba deposited it across Jounouchi's neck in licks and nips, feeling the spots and ridges and whiskers of hair. Naturally, Jounouchi whined at the burns, not even attempting to keep quiet. 

The still babbling TV educated Kaiba on the phenomenon of paradoxical undressing as Jounouchi's hands rubbed from his exposed stomach to his covered and increasingly tight crotch. _ Twenty to fifty percent of hypothermia deaths are associated with paradoxical undressing_, the narrator said as Jounouchi hands slid to Kaiba's thighs and pushed them apart. _ The victim becomes disoriented and confused, paralysis of the nerves creating the illusion of intense heat, _ the narrator said as Kaiba burned, head reeling as Jounouchi escaped to kneel between his legs. _ This illusion causes the victim to shed their clothes, which in turn accelerates their death_, the narrator said as Jounouchi unbuckled Kaiba’s belt with fumbling fingers. 

Kaiba wanted to laugh. It was absurd. It was all so utterly absurd. 

As it was, he settled for burying his hand in Jounouchi's hair again to yank him back. Chest juddering, Jounouchi gazed up with half closed eyes as Kaiba leaned over him. "Ouch," he said and licked his just parted lips, running his hands along Kaiba's thighs even as he was forced to expose his bobbing throat. The sensation was not unpleasant. Neither was the view. 

"What the hell," Kaiba asked, "are you doing?" 

"...Sucking your dick, looks like," Jounouchi both answered and didn't answer. 

"Yes," Kaiba responded, irritated, "I got _ that _part." 

Weighing his options, Kaiba kept his hold in Jounouchi's hair. Either he allowed Jounouchi closer and gave in to biological imperative and irrationality (_weak_), or he shoved Jounouchi away, unable to handle… whatever this was (_weak_). 

Jounouchi blinked slowly at him. "You think too much, Kaiba," he murmured, and Kaiba had already told Jounouchi he hated it when he was right. 

“And you don’t think at all.”

“Hey, I think on occasion,” Jounouchi objected. “I’ve thought about this a lot.” 

Amongst the swirling magma, something swimming inside Kaiba's gut twisted and fluttered and sent ripples in its wake. He had never hated Jounouchi more. 

In the end, it wasn't much of a contest. A lose-lose or win-lose situation; Kaiba was weak either way, but Jounouchi could at least resolve the situation he'd created. Kaiba released and nudged him away with a foot so he could stand, and headed on unsteady feet to Pegasus's hitherto unseen bedroom. "Perhaps I just don't want to fuck in front of that painting," he argued, and that was actually true. They didn't have much time, and the mere knowledge of those dead eyed stares boring into his skull would make things difficult. 

"The mysterious-dead-Russians show not put you off then?" Jounouchi countered as he followed on Kaiba's heels into a clean, earth-toned room with a bed the same size as the one they had shared. 

"We are in America, they like dead Russians here."

Kaiba didn't stop to examine the furniture, but he did stop when he hit the made bed. Pegasus would know. Did they want Pegasus to know? According to Jounouchi they did, and he ripped the unbuckled belt from Kaiba's pants to show it. Kaiba reached for Jounouchi's, planning on giving as much as he got, planning on making Jounouchi feel just as scattered and spiraling as he did, but was surprised by a hand on his wrist restraining him. 

"Uh-" Jounouchi stuttered, looking down at Kaiba's hand with wide eyes. "I- Let's just focus on you, yeah?" He dropped back to the floor at roughly seventy miles per hour before Kaiba could respond. 

Kaiba was, among other things, insulted, but too disoriented by his pants being unceremoniously palmed and yanked on to make any form of proper argument. "That desperate to get on your knees, are you?" he said instead. 

He was rewarded by a deep red flooding into Jounouchi's cheeks and a lack of objection. Interesting. "God, why'd you always wear such tight pants, you're killing me with these things," Jounouchi babbled as he struggled with the pleather. "Really annoying for impromptu blowjobs too - do you hate getting your dick sucked? Weirdo." 

"I have a very busy schedule," Kaiba responded, hating how unsteady his voice was. Jounouchi had barely even gotten his pants down, and ignored his boots entirely. "If you want to suck my cock, make an appointment through my secreta- _ ngh_!"

Unfortunately, Kaiba's stunning wit was turned into an undignified yelp when Jounouchi groped and licked him through his boxer briefs, hot and damp. The sensation prompted Kaiba to finally sit on the edge of the bed in an undignified collapse, Jounouchi's fingers rubbing circles around his hips. "Smiley face underwear?" Jounouchi remarked. "Hot." There was amusement in his tone, the words muffled and broken up by insistent licking, and if Kaiba's insides were hot they were the plains of Pluto compared to that tongue. Hardly surprising that the man who had survived the flames of Ra would burn him. 

"They were from Mokuba. Came with angry faces. I'd rather not - _ unh _\- think about that right now." 

"Aw."

"Shutup."

Watching Jounouchi's ministrations was somewhat hypnotising, but Kaiba managed to break from his reverie and halted the assault by lifting himself to pull the offending article down. Not from any sense of urgency, of course, he just didn't want to spend the rest of the day in dirty underwear. They had been getting uncomfortable anyway. 

"Impatient, huh," Jounouchi teased, and Kaiba thought he might've been aiming for cocky but the tremor in his voice meant he landed closer to nervous. Probably something to do with the more than half-hard dick now in his face. While - despite many accusations to the contrary - Kaiba did not actually engage in dick measuring contests, he didn't think he had anything to be embarrassed about. That didn't mean he felt comfortable being stared at, however. 

"You said you’d had 'experiences,'" Kaiba remembered, shifting his hips, not wanting to betray any sign of desperation but rather in need of some kind of friction.

"Well, yeah, but not with… " Jounouchi's eyes flicked up to fix on Kaiba's face with something indecipherable, "...someone like you." 

That could've meant any number of things, from _ not with someone who I hated, hated me, hates me _ to _ not with someone with obvious and severe issues_. Had Kaiba's nerves not also been scattered to the four nonexistent corners of the earth he would've rolled his eyes. As it was, he just wanted Jounouchi to stop _ looking _ at him.

"What about you?" Jounouchi asked generously, hands returned to run across newly bared skin. Kaiba's own fingers disturbed the made sheets. 

Kaiba could boast a grand total of two 'experiences.' On trips abroad, in cities where no one knew him, who he was, knew that he was untouchable. They'd both been rather hasty affairs in the dark, scratching the itches of curiosity and stress. No looking. No kissing. Kaiba hadn't allowed it. 

Kaiba turned his face away. "Not… not with someone like you," he echoed. 

He felt Jounouchi shift below him, felt the fingers around him momentarily grip tighter and lips brush against sensitive skin, but only brush. Kaiba bit the inside of his cheek. "First time for everything," came the response. 

"Yes," Kaiba turned back, and fixed Jounouchi with a glare that he had a sinking feeling wasn't as imperious as he wanted it to be. "Unless I have to get myself off because you won't get on with it."

For a moment, Jounouchi looked downcast. "Yes, sir," he mocked, and leaned forward. 

Kaiba tried and failed not to make any noise at the ever-intensifying writhing inside him as Jounouchi licked, kissed, mouthed, stroked, the barbell through his tongue creating a shudder-inducing focal point. It hadn't been so noticable earlier, when they'd been too focused on shoving their mouths together to do anything interesting with them. Now, Kaiba felt hyper aware of Jounouchi, of his tongue, his lips, his hands, all burning around him. The physical sensations were enough, but then there was the sight too. Their eyes met, Jounouchi's narrowed to black, long-lashed slits as he finally took Kaiba into his mouth, and it was too much to look at. 

Before Kaiba let his head loll backwards and his eyes close, he vaguely registered the hand Jounouchi still had on his hip being relocated to down the front of Jounouchi's own pants. The action made Kaiba's hips jerk and his chest heave, more turned on than he had ever been in his life.

Before long, Jounouchi grabbed one of Kaiba's hands from where it was doing its best to rip fabric and pressed it into his hair. Kaiba used the opportunity given to pull Jounouchi off, where he leaned on his heels, not bothering to close his drooling mouth. Disgusting. Kaiba pulsed at the sight. "Condom," he panted. 

"Condom?" Jounouchi's voice was even rougher than usual. "You don't have anything, do you?" 

"No." Really, Jounouchi could be incredibly moronic sometimes. Why Kaiba was allowing him to do any of this was a complete mystery. "But I'd rather not make a mess, so unless you want to spend the rest of the day tasting semen, condom."

To this, Jounouchi responded without a word, and actually had the audacity to blush as he dived back down without hesitation. This is what Kaiba got for trying to be thoughtful for once. He wanted to pull the idiot away by the hair and hit him, to shove him down harder so he couldn't breathe, to run his fingers along his cheeks and his lips across his neck. Mainly, he just didn't want to let go. 

"_Fuck_, you-" Kaiba groaned as his hips rocked involuntarily, "I should've known you'd be - _ah_ \- _filthy_." Jounouchi moaned in response, pressing closer, and Kaiba's fingers in his hair gripped harder at the vibration around him. That was worth testing again. "Oh, _you-_ _pathetic_ mutt," Kaiba hissed, and got a similar reaction. The realisation that Jounouchi _liked_ that was simultaneously unanticipated and obvious, and terribly satisfying. The arm down Jounouchi's pants grew increasingly frantic, moving in motions that were unfamiliar, and perhaps it made sense that Jounouchi had stopped Kaiba's hand. Kaiba had to adjust a few mental hypotheticals that occasionally crept up on him to work with new data. If Jounouchi wasn't comfortable being touched, the least Kaiba could do was talk to him. "Filthy, needy Jounouchi finally shuts up with cock in his mouth," got a more than decent response. Not an entirely true statement; Jounouchi was still managing to be fairly vocal despite the impediment. 

It was a good thing, really, that Kaiba didn’t last long. Closing his eyes, he found himself too overwhelmed to be properly derisive. “Good boy,” he murmured breathlessly and was instantly gratified by the responding vibrating whine, even stronger than before. Thankfully, Kaiba's legs were still restricted by clothing, or else they would've wrapped themselves around Jounouchi’s head of their own accord, which would have been utterly weak behaviour. Shutting his eyes and bringing a hand to his mouth to bite Jounouchi's name into when it all became too much, Kaiba imploded under the heat and pressure, the sudden gravitational collapse. 

_ La petite mort, _ part of Kaiba's brain giggled hysterically. _ La grande mort. You're dead_. 

When Kaiba could pretend he was back in the land of the living, he found himself collapsed back on one elbow. His murderer still knelt on the floor with his head resting against Kaiba's thigh, eyelashes and heaving breaths fluttering against his skin. Wiping across his mouth with the back of one hand, Jounouchi’s other hand emerged from his waistband with wrinkled fingertips. "Did you…?" Kaiba asked dazedly, feeling an odd combination of residual arousal and disappointment. The problem was that Jounouchi always made such interesting faces, and Kaiba hated to have missed any.

"Yeah, yeah…" answered Jounouchi, sounding equally scattered and rough. "Feels nice," he mumbled, and Kaiba realised he was running his fingers through Jounouchi's hair in a repeated scratching, stroking motion. 

"You look…" Kaiba began and trailed off once he realised he was talking. Jounouchi looked… nice, in an ugly red, drooling, dishevelled mess kind of way that really wasn't nice at all. Hot, maybe. Perhaps even erotic, or arousing, if you were inclined towards such things (which Kaiba admittedly found he was.) But certainly not _ nice_. There was something very intimate, very familiar about _ nice. _

It was lucky Jounouchi's hair was always a mess, and thus didn't really need fixing. Kaiba found himself attempting to groom it anyway. Chaos theory was a worthy branch of mathematics after all - perhaps there was some meaning to be gleaned from the complex system Jounouchi carried with him everywhere he went. 

"I look…?"

"...messy," Kaiba finished lamely, trying to figure out which way a specific blonde strand should lie. He fought off the weighty haze that made him want to lie down, to pull Jounouchi with him and close his eyes again. They were on a time limit.

Not looking so put together yourself. S'nice," Jounouchi retorted before blinking and giving his head a rapid shake, causing Kaiba to retract his hand. "You… good?" 

Kaiba ran a hand through his own hair. "I'm fine."

"You're shaking your head."

"I said I'm fine, Jounouchi."

"...Okay then."

Hauling himself to his feet, Jounouchi paused for a second, eyes flicking up and down Kaiba, before he turned towards the door that lead to the bathroom. Kaiba pulled up his own clothes before following. No longer in a hormonal haze, he felt hot and sticky in them and cursed his impatience. This was why Kaiba usually masturbated in the shower. Hygiene. If he'd known they'd end up like this he'd have brought a change of clothes and insisted on vandalising the plumbing afterwards. 

Jounouchi washed himself up, shoving his head under the tap at an awkward angle to both refresh his face and gulp down water. Kaiba grabbed one of Pegasus's many bottles from the sink and sprayed it in the bedroom a few times to try and cover up the stink of sex. Sex. It smelt of sex. Kaiba had just had sex with Jounouchi. Jounouchi had kissed Kaiba and Kaiba had kissed Jounouchi and clawed at him and come in his mouth and Jounouchi had gotten off on it and Kaiba had felt _ hurt _ when Jounouchi had pushed his hand away, when he hadn't been able to make Jounouchi come with his own hands, when he hadn't seen his face. 

Kaiba seethed at himself as he refreshed the room. That at least was easily sorted out. 

"Aw, I thought it would be a nice 'fuck you,'" Jounouchi said, far too casually for it to be natural, at the sound of disgustingly flowery cologne being sprayed. "'Hey, we fucked in your room!' Way better than the chicken shower."

An ugly, accusatory thought gleefully crashed its way into Kaiba's mind at the blasé comment and the forced tone. For once, he did his best to smack it away. If nothing else, Jounouchi had that ridiculous, admirable sense of honour of his. He wouldn't fuck anyone for a stupid prank, and Kaiba would _ not _ do him the insult of thinking like that, no matter how much his thoughts screamed at each other. Besides, Kaiba's mind was already enough of a warzone without adding that extra dimension. 

No, no, it was far more likely that Jounouchi just had a lot of pent up frustration from the past few days. What was it that Jounouchi had said upon Kaiba telling him he hated him for the second time in twenty-four hours? 'Fuck this,' wasn't it? He’d always been impulsive, reckless, easy to rile up, and Kaiba had always been good at getting a rise out of him. Kaiba was also aware that he was generally a frustrating person to be around. While this was admittedly not how most people reacted at breaking point, most people didn't have their history, hadn't been made to share a bed with him for multiple nights, dance with him, or be shoved against a kitchen counter by him, which Kaiba was still furious at himself for. No, it wouldn't be surprising if after all that Jounouchi's fight response had gotten its wires a little crossed. Not like he had a flight response as an alternative. Kaiba should've stopped him. 

Then again. _ I've thought about this a lot. _Which part and in what sense however, Kaiba didn't know. Jounouchi never did make much sense. 

"I'd rather not," Kaiba responded, "I suspect that the letch would derive some form of joy from it." 

Washing his own face, Kaiba attempted to tidy up in the mirror without looking at himself, which was a challenge in ocular athletics that he didn't quite manage to meet. His fringe, and indeed the rest of his hair, was misbehaving. There was a bump on his lower lip. Bags under his tired eyes. _ (Fuck _ he needed more sleep than he'd had.) Red blotches in his cheeks. Thoroughly unpresentable. Unappealing. 

When Kaiba finished as best he could, he found Jounouchi staring at him, which was getting to be an entirely too commonplace occurrence. "What?" he snapped. 

Slowly, Jounouchi walked up close to Kaiba, and tucked the hem of his sweater back into his pants. He left his hands on Kaiba's waist for a moment in a gesture that might have been grounding but was the exact opposite, then blinked at his own hands and stepped away. "You're so tetchy. Maybe I just like looking at you, huh?" Jounouchi blurted out, and promptly left the bathroom. 

Kaiba had to think about it. He didn't voice the thought that nothing was ever that simple. Nor did he want it to be. 

They gathered their discarded items, namely Kaiba's coat and Jounouchi's bag, turned off the TV, and took one final, hypnotised look at the two men fucking in a tree before heading out. Kaiba wondered if he could blame the influence of the obviously cursed object, then reminded himself that he didn't publicly believe in magic. The most unsettling part of the whole ordeal was Jounouchi’s lack of chatter when they left, making their way out of the building in blessed, heavy silence.

***

As promised, Anzu was back by half-twelve with Mai and a straight-faced yet somehow amused Sam in tow. Kaiba could remember that she and Mai weren't truly dating, but he couldn't remember why looking at her made him want to test the tech security of various government agencies. 

Apparently the spa had been enjoyed by all, and Kaiba and Sam stood off to the side while Jounouchi, Anzu, and Mai exchanged hugs and goodbyes, and in the case of Mai to Jounouchi, noogies. How she thought she could make his hair any messier was a mystery.

"Given yours and Pegaus's history, I thought this tournament would be more explosive. But it's been a break," Sam commented idly, voice lowered so only Kaiba could hear. "You won me a bet."

Kaiba turned his head from the throng of earnest farewells to glare at her. 

Yes. Definitely amused. "John thought you'd take even longer."

Kaiba was definitely going to investigate this woman. 

"Gossiping, kitten?" Mai inquired with a quirk to her purple-painted lips. Why did all these women find him so amusing? 

Damn it. Kaiba knew she wasn't going to stop with that ridiculous nickname, so he refused to rise to the bait. "Hardly." 

Mai raised her eyebrows briefly. "Missing you would be a stretch," she announced, holding out her right hand, "but it's been interesting."

Appreciating the straightforward, to-the-point, mildly insulting farewell, Kaiba took the proffered hand and their shake was brief but firm. He could already sense that when Anzu said goodbye it would be a tremendously sentimental ordeal. "Likewise. Until we meet again, Mai."

"I'll be back in Domino at some point," she assured him with a sly look. "Maybe I'll bother you for a victory in a bike race."

Kaiba scoffed even as he felt the instinctual thrill of the challenge. "Victory? You can bother me for being left in the dust," he retorted, and was unable to stop his small reflexive grin. 

"Oh, we'll see about that," Mai smirked. "See you around, fellas." And then she and Sam were gone, leaving the echoes of clacking heels and knowing looks behind them. Missing her would be a stretch, Kaiba agreed, but it wouldn’t be so terrible to see Mai again. He almost looked forward to it. 

It was lucky that Jounouchi suggested that he rode with Anzu to spend as much time with her as he could before leaving, and the pair of them followed Kaiba in her car. The next few hours passed in a blur of trees and grass through car windows, with a stop for lunch at some passable diner Anzu claimed they couldn’t miss - clearly she was going native. It was also lucky Kaiba could operate a car, eat, and make sardonic remarks on automatic, enabling him to maintain a perfectly calm, level-headed countenance. In actuality, he was unable to really hear anything but looping early 20th century classical Soviet music and his own thoughts ricocheting violently about his skull. Gozaburo was back, shouting about weakness and losing and death and such from the diner's broken jukebox. Kaiba tried to pay as little attention as he usually did. 

He also watched Jounouchi shovel fries into his mouth with both hands, and felt both mortified and horrifically pleased at the observation that he hadn’t added salt. _ Don’t_, he told himself. _ Just don’t. _

“You two seem to have made up,” Anzu commented, approving, and if this was what friendship was like, it was a great deal more confusing than even Kaiba had thought. He might've had little experience, but he suspected most friends didn't start having sex after agreeing that they didn't like each other. They had agreed, hadn't they? 

Jounouchi coughed on a fry, and covered it up with bluster. “Yup! Me and rich-boy, best of frenemies once more.” 

Frienemies. Yes, that worked. Kind of.

“You think as unfoundedly highly of yourself as ever, deadbeat,” Kaiba responded idly, not particularly paying attention to what he said, as long as he managed to say something. Reality, Kaiba had decided - albeit not particularly consciously - was a little too much for him. It had been the right thing to say at least, judging by Anzu's inordinately satisfied expression, and Kaiba mused that even she had blind spots. Jounouchi himself looked a little miffed, but he moved on to his comically highly-stacked burger rather than say anything further on the topic. He took an enormous bite that Kaiba refused to look down from. Eye contact was maintained throughout. They could both be quite stubborn people. 

Kaiba took a long gulp of water, thankful for the American practice of enormous quantities of ice in even bigger glasses, and admonished Jounouchi when he started talking with food still in his mouth. After rolling his eyes and swallowing, Jounouchi flipped him off and stuck his tongue out for the trouble, and much to his chagrin Kaiba felt rather warm around the chest.He dealt with the feeling by getting out his phone and finally responding to Mokuba's concerned messages with a promise to call him that night, and to tell him he'd be back a day later than scheduled. 

"You sure you won't let Jou drive your car, Kaiba?" Anzu pestered as they emerged onto the car lot. "You seem tired."

"I'd need to be far further gone than this to make a worse driver than Jounouchi," Kaiba assured her. 

"Libel!" Jounouchi exclaimed. "Persecution! Slander!" 

"That's a lot of big, fancy words from you. Do you know what any of them mean or are you just flapping that enormous mouth of yours?" 

"Boys, boys, you're both very pretty," Anzu interjected. "Let's get this show on the road. I wanna get to KaibaLand ASAP, I was promised a free pass."

She was not. "Yes, she was," Kaiba decided. "And a room, should she need it."

"Aw, thanks Kaiba, but actually I do have to get back to work tomorrow," she smiled at him, then gently nudged him with an elbow as they came up on her old Hyundai. They really were a tactile lot. "And you both get beds back to yourselves, eh? No more sharing with this mutt."

Jounouchi did not respond with characteristic offence. "Yeah. And I won’t have to deal with this bastard getting up and making a ruckus at the crack of dawn either," he laughed awkwardly. Anzu got into the driver's seat of her car, nick-nacks strewn across the seats and pink pom-poms dangling from the mirror. 

"At least _ I _ don't snuffle around in my sleep like a middle aged warthog," Kaiba countered, and began towards his own, markedly cleaner vehicle. 

"Well at least _ I _don’t sleep on my back like a sim from the year 2000. How do you even do that?” Jounouchi interrogated him, incredulous. “Nobody does that! Are you actually an android? ‘Cause if you’re an android I think you legally have to tell me." 

“How else am I supposed to sleep? Humping the pillows like _ you_?”

“It's not _ humping, _ you ass, I just feel more comfortable with something-”

The loud, horrid sound of a car horn interrupted the argument, and Kaiba and Jounouchi turned simultaneously to see Anzu looking severely unimpressed, palm down on the steering wheel. Two small children in the backseat of the Range Rover next to them giggled at the pantomime before them.

Jounouchi weaved his way around the vehicle. “Okay, okay, I got it. Drive first, banter later. See you round, pretty-boy,” he said absentmindedly, waving Kaiba off, before freezing and then suddenly scrambling to get inside and shut the passenger door behind him as fast as possible with an entirely too loud _ clunk_.

No, Kaiba thought to himself as he made his way to his own car, Jounouchi never did make much sense at all. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> never thought id write explicit dick sucking, especially not for yugioh characters, but here we are
> 
> i think abt the fact that jou canonically sleeps [like this](https://mywaywardcupcake.tumblr.com/post/158528118099/ok-let-me-get-this-straight-you-can-take-your) every day. partially bc i also sleep like that
> 
> next chapter: is a work in progress. sorry


	13. The Irrational Constant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of a day with far too many hours in it.

It would be charitable to say that Kaiba had been thinking about Jounouchi during the rest of the drive and as the group of three sampled the joys of KaibaLand California. Thinking implies reasoning. Kaiba's loosely-termed thought process didn't really have the coherency to qualify, being more along the lines of _ what the fuck _ or _ why the fuck _ or simply _ fuck_. Occasionally he managed something more complex: when they had rocketed along the Blue-Eyes coaster, Anzu whooping, Jounouchi screaming, Kaiba quietly having an equally exhilarating experience, he had asked himself _ what the fuck does he want from me?_; when a dizzy, wobbly legged Jounouchi had stumbled into him and grabbed him for support until he could sit down at the Legendary Fisherman’s Grill, Kaiba had asked himself the more difficult _ what the fuck do _ I _ want from _ him_? _

Kaiba came to his hazy conclusions and neither comforted him in the least. 

"Oh, I am so framing this," Anzu announced for the third time, admiring her new prized possession. Had he been in a calmer mood, Kaiba would likely have enjoyed the photograph as well. Jounouchi was undoubtedly the most entertaining part of it. "How were you managing to scream with your tongue sticking out? It doesn't seem possible."

Jounouchi favoured the image with a rueful look while he staggered along, still a little unsteady. He had insisted on going on as many roller coasters as possible despite the fact that his body clearly didn’t agree with them at all. At least he hadn’t thrown up, although Kaiba wouldn't be surprised if everyone who had been within a fifty foot radius developed tinnitus. "I keep telling you, I got a lot of skills," he defended himself, chin resting on top of the pile of four plush scapegoats he carried in his arms that he'd refused a bag for. A keychain with a smaller reproduction of the photo in a plastic case dangled from his left middle finger. "Anyway, _ clearly _ the funniest part is Kaiba here looking like he just had botox. You don't enjoy your own rides or something?" 

"Some people express enjoyment in ways that don't result in concerned citizens calling the police," Kaiba informed him. He did in fact very much enjoy his own roller coasters, which was useful when it came to test riding them extensively. If Jounouchi were to examine the photograph closely, he would see the small smile on Kaiba’s face.

Anzu sighed as they came up on her car. “You guys are so stupid. I’m gonna miss yooouuu!” She elongated the final word into an exaggerated wail, turning around and wrapping her arms around Jounouchi, who wriggled, muttered a quiet _ damn it, _ then dropped all his plush toys to hug her back. The fluffy monsters flopped to the tarmac where they sat cheerily at the two friends’ feet. 

Kaiba watched the display of affection for a moment before turning away, but was immediately reprimanded. “Oh no you don’t. Get over here,” Anzu demanded, reaching out towards Kaiba with one waving arm, seemingly thinking that by flapping it enough she could reach him without moving. “Now! The ‘you’ was plural, you big dumbass.”

Ugh. “Was that also a plural?” he inquired, approaching the two-person huddle as cautiously as a child approaches sprouts, skeptical both despite and because of the assurances that vegetables are good for them.

"Obviously not. Jou is a little dumbass." Anzu began to snap her fingers at the just out of reach Kaiba, who was gaining more than a little amusement from watching her flailing. That was, until she took advantage of his hubris, snagging hold of his sleeve and dragging him into the hug. It was awful, and Kaiba made no effort to escape. 

"No I'm not!" came Jounouchi's muffled complaint, adjusting an arm to wrap around the now two people pressed against him. Kaiba felt its weight around his waist. "I'm medium sized. Medium! It's not my fault you're both giants." 

The proximity forced Kaiba to either press his forehead into Anzu's or his jaw into Jounouchi's thatched head. He opted for the latter. "How long is this going to take?" he grumbled, and had to subsequently spit intrusive hay out of his mouth. 

"Until you hug back," Anzu answered firmly. 

"Now _ you're _ the dumbass," Jounouchi retorted, and Kaiba could hear an eye roll in his voice. "Kaiba clearly sucks shit at hugging, there's no way-" 

Kaiba cut him off by slapping his arms around the two people's shoulders in a fit of pique. Feeling them both giggle against him, he realised he'd fallen right into a perfectly sprung trap. "Gotcha," said Anzu. 

_Morons. _Kaiba stayed as he was for a little longer than necessary before retracting, and hoped no one was around to have seen his lapse in judgement. 

After a few more minutes of emotional faffing, Anzu departed, Jounouchi watching her go with a forlorn smile over his re-gathered scapegoats. As Anzu drove out of sight Kaiba felt his exhaustion rise once more, as if she'd stolen his remaining energy and stuffed it into her trunk before leaving. Either that, or his body had decided that Jounouchi was someone he was allowed to be tired around. Jounouchi, who Kaiba was once again alone with.

Yawning himself, Jounouchi turned towards the hotel. "Should prob'ly get an early night," he mused. "How much sleep did you get last night anyway? You left at like, four."

Kaiba examined the clouds, simple cumulus puffs slowly dispersing across the sky. No indication of incoming storms. "I did not realise you were awake," he said, before heading towards the building himself. They'd already had their luggage taken to their rooms. 

"Woke up and saw you having some kind of moment. Said your name a few times, poked you? Then you just up and left."

"..." 

"How'd you not notice? Thought you were ignoring me." 

Feeling Jounouchi's skeptical expression as he kept pace rather than seeing it, Kaiba led them through a pair of sliding doors and headed towards the elevators. Annoying, jazzy music emanated from speakers along the walls, along with the voice logic dictated wasn't really there. "I thought you were asleep," he said. 

"...Thinking pretty highly of yourself if you think I'd say your name in my sleep," Jounouchi muttered as he pressed the call button. For all his deficiencies in other areas, he was adept at pressing buttons. "I mean, maybe-" 

"That is not what I meant," Kaiba interrupted before Jounouchi could confess to anything he couldn't retract, the words _ I've thought about this a lot _ echoing around his skull. They could talk about that later, possibly never; or at least when they weren’t in the middle of a hotel where someone might interrupt them at any moment. "I thought I was hearing things."

"Hearing things like your own name?" Jounouchi questioned. 

"Yes." 

A chime heralded the arrival of the elevator, sliding doors opening into the mirror-walled compartment. Inside, Kaiba was surrounded by himself and Jounouchi, reflecting endlessly across a glass grid. Figuring out where to look was a taxing task, and he eventually settled on the floor number display after inserting his locket into the slot for penthouse access. Eternity was dizzying at the best of times. 

"I am frequently subject to hallucinations," Kaiba found himself saying. "It is not so unusual for me to hear things that I cannot be hearing. See things I cannot be seeing. They are in part what inspired me to create SolidVision." 

"Oh,” Jounouchi remarked, and momentarily rocked back and forth on his heels, sucking air into his cheeks before blowing it out again. “That doesn’t sound fun.” 

A shred of a chuckle escaped Kaiba. It could've been mistaken for the grunt of someone being punched in the gut. "It's exceedingly fun," he drawled as he suppressed a yawn. "Sometimes my life is brightened by hearing the sound of Crazy Frog from every speaker I pass for days." That had been a trying week. According to an internal poll, the average KaibaCorp worker had become 0.7% more afraid of him. 

Jounouchi snorted too. "Wow, that sucks. And when it's not the dulcet tones of a CGI frog?" 

A simulacrum of Jounouchi made a cheerily rude gesture at him. How gauche. Kaiba’s eyes drifted to the single speaker installed in the elevator. "Gozaburo is a frequent irritation.” 

Apparently Jounouchi was observant of his microexpressions, because he followed Kaiba's gaze. "What, right now?" he asked, and Kaiba inclined his head warily. "Well… fuck off! Leave him alone, you dead fuckface!" he scowled at the offending speaker, showing it a middle finger of his own for good measure. The expression emphasised his jaw, but Kaiba couldn't stare at it for long before Jounouchi was turning back. "Any better?" he joked. 

It was, of course, entirely ineffectual. "And with that, you have cured me. I am no longer schizophrenic. Bravo. Your proclivity for absolute idiocy is unmatched," Kaiba deadpanned, telling himself that the sheer stupidity was not endearing. _ Feel things I cannot be feeling. _But Jounouchi was right there beside him, real and constant and irrational as pi. 

“Well, I gotta be number one at something, and you already took first place in snarky assholery,” Jounouchi defended. 

Bright red numerals ticked silently upward as an infinite number of Jounouchis brushed closer to an infinite number of Kaibas, alone and trapped together in limbo. Were they all so warm as they hovered so close? Or did the glass of the mirrors cool their skin? Were they all standing the same width apart, shoulder to shoulder, every Jounouchi with his head turned to look at every Kaiba’s profile, every Kaiba looking back in every mirror rather than directly facing him? Perhaps, far off beyond the horizon in the reflected distance, far beyond what Kaiba could see, they were further apart. Perhaps they were closer. Logic dictated that they stayed exactly the same.

"Thanks for uh, telling me," Jounouchi said suddenly, interrupting Kaiba's wandering thoughts. "Is that weird to say? I know you don't find it easy to talk about personal stuff so. Thanks. For trusting me. Means a lot."

Kaiba found he couldn't argue with that, the realisation that he _ did _ trust Jounouchi that much nearly causing him to physically twitch as it he felt it, hit him, soak into his skin; not violently, but as if he had just come inside into the warm and dry and only realised then that he was sodden from rain. Because it wasn’t even a newly smelted trust, extracted and forged into shape over the past few days; he'd let Jounouchi sleep in the same bed as him, let him see him undressed, right from the start. Kaiba hadn't even thought about it, too busy fighting over little things like beds and breakfasts, too busy drifting off to the sound of Jounouchi's gentle snoring to notice how absurdly comfortable he had been. 

The elevator chimed to announce their arrival at the penthouse floor, and the doors slid open, breaking the reflected, looping universe. Good. Kaiba had had enough of the possibilities of infinity. 

"Ah, home sweet home," Jounouchi sighed, taking off with his scapegoats to the bedroom he'd used last time, usually used by Mokuba. Despite only having visited once before, he acted like he owned the place, or at least rented. Kaiba himself proceeded immediately to his own room, where he shed his soiled clothes and got himself into the shower at a speed usually used only by light, bad news, and Yuugi about to go on a tangent about the Heart of the Cards. 

The idea of talking to Jounouchi was considered and quickly discarded. If Jounouchi wanted to talk, he wouldn't have immediately vanished. 

Freshly washed and in clean pyjamas (the simple, respectable navy button up and pants this time. Fuck, _ why _ did he wear the other ones earlier? Must have been Jounouchi’s contagious idiocy), with his hair drying quickly in the arid air, it was at 20:23 that Kaiba finally managed to call Mokuba. He didn't even manage a single syllable before the full might of the inquisition bore down upon him. 

"What the fuck is going on?" Mokuba greeted. 

"Watch your fucking language," Kaiba managed weakly, already rubbing a hand against his forehead and considering invoking his right to silence. Jounouchi had mentioned he was planning to call his own little sibling, and Kaiba could only hope that would go as well as this conversation was likely to go. Recalling the text’s about his ‘ego’ that Jounouchi had mentioned receiving from Serenity, he judged that unless Jounouchi impressed him by keeping his damn mouth shut he was going to receive quite the raucous response. 

"Don't give me that," huffed Mokuba. "You call me utterly pissed with _ Mai _ of all people, you're gonna get cussed out. Explain."

Where to start. Kaiba had to remind himself that it was a good thing Mokuba didn't hero-worship him to quite the extent he used to. "I like Jounouchi," he confessed through gritted teeth. There was no point delaying the inevitable, Mokuba would've wrung the problem out of him eventually, even if Kaiba hadn't been entirely certain that was what the problem was until he'd said it out loud.

There was a brief moment of silence on the other end of the phone, before Kaiba had to hold it away from his face at the sound of his little brother whooping in glee. "Yes!" Mokuba's voice emanated from the speaker now being held a good foot away from Kaiba's ear. "Finally! I am so proud-" 

"Shut up, Mokuba," Kaiba groaned, then narrowed his eyes as he brought the phone back to hiss into. "The hell do you mean, 'finally'?" 

He was laughed at for his trouble. "I mean you've been loudly declaring you don't like him to anyone within earshot long enough. Did you like the suit I made for him? Tight, right? Aren't I the best brother you could ask for?" 

"You're a meddlesome brat. How do you even have his measurements?" Kaiba very much didn't whine. It had been a very flattering suit. 'Easy on the eyes' would have been a misnomer, because Kaiba's eyes had had a very difficult time both looking at it and away. 

"You don't want to know. You'll need the plausible deniability should I ever be taken to court."

"I should have you arrested," Kaiba mused, flopping back to lie on the soft, pale blue sheets with his lower legs dangling off the end of the bed. 

"Arrested for the crime of being a fashionable wingman. So, what's going on with you two?" 

Kaiba silently got up to peek out of the door to his bedroom, ears pricked for wandering feet and an abrasive voice. Silence. The walls were quite solid; perhaps, like Kaiba, Jounouchi was still on the phone. Perhaps he'd gone out to smoke on the main room’s balcony. (Kaiba could've gone for a smoke himself.) Either way, Kaiba retreated and set his phone on speaker as he attended to his packing. Unfolding and refolding the dirty clothes that were not sufficiently neat to his satisfaction, he chronicled the events of the trip as best as he could. Without going into too much detail, he outlined the futile fight over the bed (leaving out the shower afterwards), the road trip (_you got my sweets, right _?), the small fight after the speech, the fogged hours with Mai, the clear catastrophe afterwards, the morning after… 

"We filled Pegasus's plumbing with stock cubes-" 

"Hold up- _ why_?" asked an incredulous Mokuba. 

"Because we hate him, do keep up. And then… we…" Kaiba trailed off. Did Mokuba need to know about that? Did Kaiba have the survival skills necessary for enduring the reckoning if he didn't tell him? "I told him I hated him. Again. And then he… he didn't respond quite how…" 

Being Kaiba's little brother, Mokuba was of course quick enough to figure out what he was trying to say. "...Seto, you dirty dog." 

"I'd argue that he's the dirty dog here, but yes," Kaiba surmised, hands repeatedly smoothing the same sock flat. 

"Hm," said Mokuba. "I'm guessing you haven't talked about it?" 

"Absolutely not. But we're not fighting either. If it weren't for the," Kaiba stared down at the laundry in front of him, "residue, I'd have thought I imagined it."

"Waitwaitwait, _ residue? _ I thought you just meant- you-" Mokuba, ever the little brother despite now being nearly eighteen, lowered his voice to a whisper, "- _ had sex _ in _ Pegasus's room?_" 

Kaiba gritted his teeth. "Yes, Mokie."

"Wow." Mokuba's whisper took on the quality of respectful awe. "Payback." There was silence for a moment, the humming of the air conditioning reigning supreme, and then, "Was it… good?" 

"It was…" Confusing. Shattering. Satisfying. Unsatisfying. "...adequate?" 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Mokuba sighed at him. "Okay, maybe when you actually _ talk _ later, don't say it like that. Or do, but wait until I'm around to watch the fallout."

"Fine, it was better than adequate," Kaiba conceded. "Would you like me to fully review his blowjob skills or is that enough?" 

"Nope, nope, that'll do, than-"

"Are you sure? He's very enthusiastic, but-" 

Mokuba hung up, and Kaiba smirked to himself. 

Feeling his eyelids flutter, he yawned and examined the orange glow along the horizon, idly wondering what Jounouchi was doing right that second. Was he smoking, staring out at the sunset too? Had he gone to bed? It had been a long day for them both, with far too many hours in it, far too much happening. Kaiba was rather ready to plummet into unconsciousness himself, but after three days of sharing a bed it felt strange to sleep without Jounouchi, without knowing exactly where he was. Three days. Three measly days, and this was what Kaiba was reduced to. 

Becoming annoyed upon realising he'd rumpled that troublesome sock again by wringing it, Kaiba only had eight seconds to contemplate how ridiculous he was being before he was answering the phone again.

"If you dare give me any more information I'm leaving my phone in Burger-Girl's mouth so you can listen to her slobbering," Mokuba warned with possibly the most inconsequential threat Kaiba had ever heard. 

"I'm so threatened," Kaiba said dryly. "How is she?" 

In the absence of any proper response was the sound of Mokuba shifting and thudding around the house with his remarkably heavy tread, yelling baby talk as he went. After a minute, Kaiba heard the thumping sound of paws on floorboards, and Mokuba asking his new companion who was a good girl, and subsequently telling her that it was, in fact, her. A heavy panting sound emanated from the speaker, and Mokuba said, "Okay, she's here."

Kaiba took a deep breath, still not entirely used to talking to an animal. It felt somehow exposing, and the niceties rather ridiculous. "Hello, Hungry Burger," he greeted. 

At the sound of Kaiba's voice, Hungry Burger immediately started yipping in excitement. Kaiba heard Mokuba yelp over the sound of scrambling. 

"Are you being a good dog?" Kaiba asked politely, as protocol dictated, and she issued one affirmative bark before resuming heavy panting. 

"She's wagging her tail hard enough to hurt my shins is what she's doing," Mokuba complained. 

"A yes, then," Kaiba decided. "Tell me how you've been. Helping Yuugi with his grandfather?"

"Oh!" exclaimed Mokuba, "I didn't actually need to do anything, they got him back safe and sound without me. Good thing too, because you know Kobayashi, from finance? He's been a real pain the ass…" 

Wondering if Jounouchi knew the news of the rescue’s success, guilt slithered across Kaiba’s abdomen. It would have been a very different week if all had gone as originally planned. A less complicated week.

(_A more dull week_, Kaiba’s traitorous brain supplied.)

Kaiba climbed under the sheets and watched the sunlight fade outside the windows. Street lights and glowing windows emerged into brilliance against the black as he listened to his brother complain about his own week, occasionally interrupted by the little whine of a dog requesting attention. 

"Hey, Mokie?" Kaiba said softly, interrupting a tirade on Sanada from campus halls who messaged to ask how to work the washing machines despite being an adult who should know these things by now, Seto, or at least have enough brain cells to figure them out himself. 

"What?" 

"I'm proud of you. Don't ever doubt that."

The glass of his one-of-a-pair K-Dragon 5.1 had long since warmed against Kaiba's cheek as the night lights of Sacramento became smothered by his eyelids. 

"I know. Thanks, Seto."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Night, nerd."

"G'night, imp."

There was a _ beep _as the line went dead, but Kaiba was already deaf to the world. 

Twenty minutes later, he was woken again by the phone right next to his eyes rudely lighting up. Flinching, he grumbled incoherent complaints to himself and checked what was so selfishly demanding his attention now. 

**080 5683 7386  
**hey r u awake still?   
[22:08]

Without the energy to physically perform the act, Kaiba contented himself with imagining raising an eyebrow. Ironically, he was also too curious and uninhibited in his drowsy state to stop himself from responding. 

**Kaiba  
**wy  
[22:09]

Rather than text again, Jounouchi responded by immediately opening the bedroom door. Face lit only by the decrepit phone in his hands, Kaiba didn't even bother trying to figure out what his ghostly expression was doing. Rather than repeat himself asking questions Jounouchi in all likelihood didn't know the answer to either, he decided to just flop back down again and close his eyes. After four seconds Kaiba felt movement under the covers beside him. 

He intended to turn over to face the intruder, but was stopped when he found an arm wrapping around his abdomen and a body pressed along his back. 

"Is this ok?" Jounouchi whispered into Kaiba's shoulder blade, a little too late. 

Kaiba had no idea if it was 'ok,' but it was warm. "What're you doing?" he grunted back, feeling a little like history was repeating itself. “I’m not fucking you.”

"That’s not- not that I- I just couldn't get comfy, and I had this bad idea that maybe you wouldn't mind?" Jounouchi's voice came out in a quiet rush. 

"Hmm," said Kaiba, feeling Jounouchi's hair tickle the back of his neck, the weight of Jounouchi's arm pressing down on his side. Three days ago they’d been fighting over a bed and decided on building a pillow barrier, and now this was happening. If he were fully awake, he knew he would’ve worked up a fury. Disastrously, Kaiba just felt his lips quirk at the absurdity of it all. If it had felt strange to sleep without Jounouchi, here was his solution. "You're very presumptuous."

"You know me, eyes closed head first can’t lose. ‘Sides," Kaiba heard Jounouchi gulp as he shifted and slowly hooked a leg forward and around Kaiba's, "I turned the fan off in the other room, and it won't need cleaning. It's greener. Save the planet and all."

As Jounouchi settled into his back, Kaiba vaguely recalled that Mokuba had a great many pillows for Jounouchi to make himself comfortable with his need to sleep like a koala, all of which would probably be easier to use than him. Kaiba was aware he was a rather boney person. He also thought about kicking Jounouchi out. 

"Watching your carbon paw-print," he mumbled instead through a yawn. "You _ dog. _"

"...That was terrible," Jounouchi groaned at the brilliance of Kaiba’s witticisms even as he wrapped his arm tighter. Kaiba felt the noise all down his spine. "That was terrible and you should be ashamed. And you say _ I'm _stupid."

Perhaps Kaiba should’ve been ashamed, and perhaps he was stupid, but in that moment he was too tired to care about either of those things. He was warm and he was comfortable, so he elected to take a leaf out of Jounouchi’s book: do the stupid thing now and think about it later. Just because he could admit to his brother that he liked this moron, it didn’t mean he thought it was a good idea to tell _him_ that. Who knew what could happen _then_. "You are stupid. I’ll argue wi'you in the morning," he yawned. 

Kaiba heard Jounouchi gulp again as he drifted back into unconsciousness, his forehead pressing harder against the nape of Kaiba’s neck. "Yeah. You probably will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, that was a filler chapter wasn't it. god damn it. can you tell i was really struggling for a title here? when in doubt, make a mathematical reference
> 
> i continue to write kaiba as having an emotional and social IQ equal to my own, which is zero. 
> 
> the terrible, terrible carbon paw-print joke is stolen from an episode of UNHhhh but i don't remember which
> 
> next chapter: an eight hour plane journey. SOMETHINGS gotta happen on it


	14. Dual Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba and Jounouchi fly home.

“I’m never gonna get over the fact that you literally fly around in a big metal dragon,” Jounouchi commented idly as he peered out through the curved plexiglass of the windshield. As on their outward journey, his dedication to not staying in his seat was impressive, although he had managed to wait for the all clear before leaping up this time. He was even wearing that terrible, unwashed t-shirt again, challenging the might of the air conditioning with its distinctive, sweaty Jounouchi stink - and winning. 

Kaiba considered turning the fan up a notch, but decided against it. He didn't want to get cold. 

The morning had found Kaiba waking up desperately comfortable and sweaty himself, instinctively making to stretch before realising he was somewhat restrained. He'd ripped himself from Jounouchi's clinging limbs, cursing him for requiring him to shower again, and himself for allowing that to happen. 

They would have to talk about it. _ This is nothing, _ Kaiba had told himself as he'd brushed his teeth. He’d handled far worse than a simple, inevitable conversation about _ feelings. _ Then he'd splashed cold water over his face. When Jounouchi still wasn't awake upon his return, Kaiba had used the time-honoured method of ripping the covers off the bed to wake him up. To his credit, Jounouchi had only waggled around on his back like a bleach blonde Gregor Samsa in his confusion for seven seconds. 

"You're wearing a - a blanket with holes?" Jounouchi had observed, because this was apparently worth a wondrous stutter. "And your pants aren't leather or skin tight. Who are you?" 

Kaiba had looked up from packing his suitcase to find Jounouchi leaning back on his elbows in the mess of sheets, radiating astonishment. "You know the concept of a public persona, yes? I don't dress like that _ all _the time," he explained slowly. 

"You've dressed like that every time you've ever hung out with us.”

"You are members of the public, are you not?" 

Jounouchi had folded his arms and raised his eyebrows. "Apparently I'm not," he'd pointed out. 

"Go get dressed," Kaiba had muttered, folding his dirty night clothes away into his laundry bag. The rhythmic padding of feet on carpet and clicking ankle bones told him he was alone again. Sitting back on his heels and eyeing the clear sky through the windows, Kaiba had wrapped the oversized, Burberry plaid cardigan tighter around himself. Not a cloud in sight. They would be up there soon, trapped in a small compartment at 42 000 feet. With, if nothing went disastrously wrong, no interruption or escape for eight hours. 

And, after a lap around KaibaLand California to show off for the park goers, they were now twenty minutes in the air. Four hundred and sixty minutes left. Plenty of time for a disaster. Kaiba kept his chair swiveled away from the controls and his hands clutched at the end of his arm rests so they wouldn't accidentally hit a button that they shouldn't. This had the un/fortunate side effect of meaning he faced Jounouchi instead. 

"It's a really sucky design, to be honest," Jounouchi continued as they juddered through some wispy clouds that thought themselves above their station. "Not the dragon part - you know I'm all about that - but in here. No entertainment? How do you and wild child cope?" 

Kaiba responded with the flick of a button, and a holographic screen offering an enormous catalogue of media shimmered into being next to them both. Lazily dragging a finger through the interactive hologram - the next generation of SolidVision - Kaiba flicked a long panel of recommended TV spinning into a blur. As if he was ever going to take Mokuba anywhere without something for his amusement. 

"...You had this the entire time," Jounouchi stated, bringing up his own hand to examine the library, transfixed. "I hate you."

"We also have each other's company, and our work." Jounouchi seemed to have managed the outward flight, even if he had been rather jumpy and irritating. And slept for most of it. 

"Ugh, you and work," Jounouchi grumbled before collapsing into his seat, seemingly content to amuse himself with Kaiba's company as he had on the first flight for now. "Don't wanna think about that. I used up all my vacation days and then some for this." 

Flinging his legs over his own armrest, Jounouchi lounged across the seat, his stretching emphasising the sinews of his arms before he met Kaiba's eyes. Unlike the previous flight, there were no emails to write, passports to make fun of, card game strategies to argue about. Just the space between them, silent but for the ever present question of _ what now?_

"Worth it, though," Jounouchi said eventually, fingers kneading at the glittery dollar-store putty instead of a hair tie for once, and his gaze didn't waver at all. "For me, anyway."

Kaiba thought he felt one of his nails crack against the hard material of the arm rest. "You duelled well," he said stiffly. 

Jounouchi's eyes narrowed at him, shoulders tensing. "Not what I meant and you damn well know it wasn't." When the only response he received was the faint roaring of the dragon's engines as it hurtled towards home, Jounouchi made a low noise of frustration and swung his feet back to the floor. Kaiba watched the restless display with only a blink and the tightening of one leg wrapped around the other. "C'mon, you gotta give me something to work with here," Jounouchi groaned. "At least yell at me for my insolence or something. I crawled into your bed last night for _ cuddling,_ not gonna react to that?"

"I believe I already said you were being presumptuous."

"But you didn't use your Jounouchi-you're-a-worthless-deadbeat voice! You just made a pun even worse than mine and acted like nothing had happened in the morning!" Jounouchi raised his voice, leaning forwards, arms waving, eyes beseeching, argument more than a little hypocritical. Putty flew from his hand in his flailing to splat against the windshield and slide downwards, leaving a trail of glittery slime. "You keep doing that! Acting like nothing happened- _ you're _the one who started it!" he accused, jabbing an angry finger at Kaiba's nose. 

Said nose immediately scrunched up at this blatantly false claim. "I started it?" Kaiba said incredulously, eyebrows raising despite himself. "Even with such a juvenile argument, _ you _ kissed _ me,_ idio-"

"The hell else was I supposed to do?" Jounouchi argued with impassioned limbs jabbing outwards like the line on an ECG monitor. It was with a kind of detached, wry misery that Kaiba acknowledged Jounouchi really looked very attractive like this, with his wild animation and expressive face. "You had just given me the dumbest, most dramatic speech I've ever heard from you! And it's up against some pretty stiff competition!" 

"I said I couldn't stand you!" They were both yelling in each other's faces now. A hardly surprising turn of events. Comforting, in a way. Arguing was an art Kaiba was far more familiar with than confession, one he'd practiced with Jounouchi even: mocking that Jounouchi wasn't worth his time for the third time in a week; claiming that he was a worthless duelist after he'd won yet another top three spot; taunting that Jounouchi would never beat him, because he gets enough lovey-dovey crap from the others and Kaiba himself works harder when he's motivated by spite. A capable scholar should be able to string together a sufficient argument for either side of a debate, even one they might not necessarily believe in. Kaiba was nothing if not capable, and old habits die hard. "You said you couldn't stand me!" 

"And I can't!" Jounouchi agreed aggressively. Yes, old habits die hard, Kaiba supposed as Jounouchi grabbed his cardigan. Somehow it didn't have quite the same effect as grabbing him by the coat collar. "I can't stand you! Everything is so difficult!" 

Watching Jonouchi's fingers clawing at fabric out of the corner of his eye, Kaiba couldn't budge. 

"You said I made you want to lose," Jounouchi lowered his voice almost to the point of a whine, bright eyes wobbling slightly but never leaving Kaiba's as he fisted his hand his clothes. "You said that. Like, _ fuck,_ maybe I should've said this then instead of leaping right to- yeah- but I'm more of a physical guy anyway- but it's my turn now, okay? You did your big romantic speech, now it's my turn." 

Both Kaiba's hands moved and pried Jounouchi's from his clothes, holding them down by the wrists instead, feeling smooth skin and tendons beneath the wrappings of hair ties and threadbare fabric bracelets. Kaiba could hear his own breathing implausibly loud, louder than the jet engines. He had to strain to hear the words tumbling out of Jounouchi's mouth, the writhing in his chest simultaneously terrified and entranced at the display before him, at the feeling of Jounouchi's wrists under his fingers. 

"_You make me want to lose_," Jounouchi repeated with something that wasn't quite a laugh. "You're so... You think I challenge you all the time because I think I’ll win? Don’t get me wrong, I’m here for the game too, but I keep doing it 'cause it makes you look at me. For twenty minutes, forty, an hour, it makes you look at me and no one else. And yeah, one day I’ll kick your ass - I have this fantasy where I _ do _ win, and then you get mad and throw insults and then you're hunting _ me _ down, making me look at you, like I've ever been able to look anywhere else - but 'til then I'll take what I can get, and if it's just that stupid smirk of yours I'll take it."

Kaiba felt lightheaded, and it wasn't anything to do with the cockpit fans and the bright sun through the plexiglass. Jounouchi's eyelids had ironically screwed tight shut, allowing Kaiba's gaze free reign over his tan, freckled skin, his handsome jaw with its ever-present patchy stubble, his thoroughly chapped lips. 

"You have the face of the world's smuggest bastard when you win too, and I even _ like _ it, 'cause it's for me. You have the straightest face and the least patience of anyone I've ever met but you smile at my dumb ass. You're such a huge asshole, and you wear those stupid tight pants all the time, and I've wanted to suck your dick for years but I didn't really realise until now that I reallyreallyreally like yo-"

"I _ know,_" Kaiba snapped.

The jet juddered as it hit clouds again. Their encompassing weight cast blurred shadows around the small cockpit as it shook, as if everything had been brushed over with a thin layer of charcoal. All things considered, Jounouchi's speech hadn't contained anything shocking. The specifics were a bit surprising (_years?!_), but sentiment-wise it was all as anticipated. All as feared. The outside of the plexiglass became patterned with water droplets.

"You… know," said Jounouchi flatly, eyes fluttering open to make that dopey, confused expression that Kaiba enjoyed so much. Hands immobilised by Kaiba's, he twisted to wipe an eye on his upper arm. "You know?" 

Even under the circumstances, Kaiba was unable to stop the ghost of a smirk on his face. "You know that I know.” 

"I know that you're a royal pain in my ass is what I know," Jounouchi huffed, and ran his fingernails along what he could reach of Kaiba's skin. "And… and you?" he asked, eyes like the steady beam of a torch shining to and fro in the shadowy cockpit as they searched Kaiba's face. "I'm not _ that _ bad at interpreting KaibaSpeak, am I?" 

Meeting Jounouchi's eyes, both Kaiba's grip and his throat tightened as he responded. "You are not."

The jet shook again, and Jounouchi's head bobbed in what could have been the aftershock or a nod before he asked the billion yen question. "So… what now?"

It would be easier, Kaiba thought, if Jounouchi didn't care about him, or at least if he hadn't charged ahead as always and said it all out loud. Made it real. A one-sided desire on his part - Kaiba could have dealt with that. Now, he had to face unknown waters in a boat he neither knew how to steer nor maintain, and he trusted neither himself nor Jounouchi not to blast holes in the hull and drive headfirst into rocks. Now, he had to contend with hope, the peskiest, most ephemeral of all feelings, and with the worst comedown.

"That, I don't know," Kaiba said dryly. 

Jounouchi looked at him for a long moment, licked his lips, and then shrugged in a motion that should have been lazy but wasn't. "Well, seeing as you have this thing," he tilted his head towards the SolidVision screen, "and my tum is telling me it's lunch time… " Jounouchi's stomach gurgled, and Kaiba supposed an intestine with unusually good comedic timing was hardly the strangest element of their lives. "Food and a movie is traditional. For a first date. If you'd like to try, that is," Jounouchi gulped. "I know I'd like to."

Finally, the dragon emerged from the turbulent weather, and sunlight glistened through the pebbled sheen of water drops coating the window. The warm crystallised light flitted about the small, pressured room, and Kaiba wondered if it wasn't such a bad idea to turn up the air conditioning one more notch. "This could go very badly," he murmured. 

"Oh, horrifically badly," Jounouchi agreed. And then he let out an awkward, nervous laugh. "When's that ever stopped either of us? At least we know the sex'll be decent."

Peering out the window, Kaiba saw endless blue, smeared with messy white and grey that disrupted the panorama, punctuated with a disk of light that weighed heavy and hot on the top of his skull. "Again, you are very presumptuous, Jounouchi," he murmured, and had to release his wrists in order to get up and ready their meals. 

Jounouchi, fidgety and excitable as ever, immediately jumped up behind him. "Is that a yes or no?" he blurted out, and when Kaiba turned to look at him his face was bright and open, bottom lip between his teeth. 

Ever traitorous in the presence of Jounouchi, Kaiba's body decided to move of its own accord. His right hand moved up and used the very tips of his index and middle fingers to gently pull Jounouchi's lower lip from its toothy prison, and Kaiba felt the static electricity, the crackle of the unknown. 

"Pick something good," he finally instructed in a tone that brokered no argument as he turned again towards the small area of the cockpit that could be generously called a kitchen. 

Naturally, Jounouchi argued with him. "That was an 'I'll think about it,' right? Also I'm gonna have to veto that. You can't watch a good movie on an airplane, it's illegal." 

When Kaiba returned, oven on and coffee started, yogurts and spoons in hand, Jounouchi was flicking through the gallery with an expression of the utmost concentration, bookmarking only the most ridiculous looking media he could find. Still standing, Kaiba nudged Jounouchi's hand with his own as he begrudgingly directed them towards the genre of absolutely nauseating-looking romantic comedies, and determinedly added something called _ My Little Monster _to the list. "Stupid enough for you?" he asked. 

It eventually transpired that throwing popcorn at a screen was far less satisfying when said screen was holographic and couldn't provide a bounce. It was also discovered that the age old tactic of faking an arm stretch didn't work very well with a gap between the seats, and Jounouchi ending up falling out of his chair. Eventually they gave up and turned to trying to best each other in the various games that Kaiba had totally legally ported into his custom operating system; it was tricky to find the balance between besting Jounouchi at _ Super Smash Bros. Ultimate _and being ready at the jet’s controls to maneuver them around unexpected traffic at the same time, but Kaiba managed - by laying sideways in his chair with upper body twisted towards the screen, and his legs stretched towards the control panel to flick buttons with his feet. Jounouchi thought it was insane, but what did he know. He didn't have a pilot’s licence. 

***

They landed at 12:28 JST, just slightly later than scheduled, and Kaiba elected to drive Jounouchi to his home himself. He was directed to a relatively quiet part of Domino, with narrow streets barely wide enough for the cars that traversed them, dotted with small apartment blocks, even smaller houses, and the occasional convenience store. Neither Kaiba nor Jounouchi spoke during the drive other than for navigation. After pulling into a somewhat overgrown driveway that Jounouchi assured him no one ever used, Kaiba’s heels clacked staccato against the tarmac of the road, and Jounouchi fiddled with the strap of his rucksack as he walked. 

“Well, this is me,” he announced. Jounouchi stopped at the bottom of a steep flight of metal stairs, flecked with pale pink paint, that led up the outside of the two-story apartments. Yawning, he turned to face Kaiba. “We just spent like, a week together uninterrupted. Doubt either of us wanna see each other for a while.”

“You're right for once,” said Kaiba. “I’ve had enough of your nonsense for a lifetime.”

“Dealing with _ your _ smug mug has been the nightmare,” Jounouchi shot back, and a couple of small birds on the cables running overhead chirped but otherwise added nothing to the conversation. Jounouchi rocked forwards and backwards on the balls of his feet. “Do you wanna come up?” he asked. 

"I have to get back," Kaiba responded, but didn't move. They stood there in the street, unmoving, for five more seconds. "Do you have coffee?" Coffee would help him cope with the time difference. 

Jounouchi nodded. 

"I'll have coffee," Kaiba decided, and brushed past to make his way up the stairs. 

The shared apartment turned out to be a horrifically narrow place with unthemed furnishings, most of which didn't look like they had started their long careers there. It was relatively clean, if not exactly tidy, but was entirely suffused with cat hair. One of the culprits - a small siamese - greeted them the moment the door was opened by running up and chirping repeatedly, rubbing itself on Jounouchi's legs. 

"Mitsu!" Jounouchi cooed at the animal. He immediately set down his things to pick the cat up and kiss it on the face, whereupon it hissed, hit him with a paw, and scrambled away again only to run headfirst into a wall. "That's Mitsurugi," Jounouchi explained, rubbing his cheek. "She runs hot and cold."

Another cat, a calico, watched the process with a lazy, weary gaze from a perch on an empty cereal box on the windowsill, and offered a simple meow as greeting. Jounouchi introduced her as Kunai. The third, Shinonome, was not in attendance but out prowling (possibly for birds or rodents, but apparently the unattended food of unsuspecting neighbours was the most likely prey). 

Sitting on the low, partially clawed couch that took up the majority of the room, Kaiba and Jounouchi sat five inches apart as they talked about nothing in particular for the time it took to stomach the utterly foul instant coffee: the KC Grand Prix, being organised for August; Jounouchi's efforts to save for college; the fact that Kaiba kept having to reach up behind himself to stop Kunai chewing his hair. Apparently this was a sign of great approval from her, but Kaiba rather thought it a sign he needed another shower. Mitsurugi assessed him warily from the kitchen counter where she'd bitten him as they'd made coffee, and knocked over several packs of instant ramen when she'd jumped up to do so. Her tail twitched at the intruder. At least someone around here had a sensible attitude. 

"If you need help staying awake later, we're all gonna be hanging out at Yuugi's around seven," Jounouchi informed him as he checked his phone. 

Feeling slightly less lethargic, Kaiba pulled himself to his feet and placed his empty coffee mug (Shadow the Hedgehog merchandise, because Jounouchi's shamelessness knew no bounds) in the thankfully empty sink, maintaining eye contact with the suspicious cat as he did so. 

Kaiba drove back to the mansion in a haze, head curiously empty as he settled into the rhythm of check, signal, maneuver, hands gliding over the steering wheel of the nondescript black Nissan. The drive lasted longer than it technically should have, owing to the fact that Kaiba's body decided to drive around in circles rather than head straight home, and it took his brain a good thirty minutes to catch on. 

It took stepping inside from the garage and being immediately assaulted by an excited dog to jolt Kaiba's brain back into his body. 

"Idiot creature," Kaiba murmured as Hungry Burger barked three times in greeting, dropping one of his shoes (bought specifically to be chewed on) at his feet and pattering in circles around his legs. Kaiba was fairly certain his shins were going to get bruises from that wagging tail. He petted her on the head anyway. 

"Was wondering when you were gonna show up," Mokuba greeted, and Hungry Burger had to adjust her flight path to work around the two of them as they hugged. "Hashing things out?" 

"Not exactly," Kaiba admitted, and ten minutes later he was nursing another, far higher quality coffee as he sat at his home desk, Mokuba indolently lying on the white leather couch, Hungry Burger on his feet. The amount of work Kaiba had come back to was smaller than he had anticipated, but not insignificant, and he attempted to make headway. This was a process made difficult by his brother wanting to discuss other matters entirely. 

"You like him, he likes you - I just think you should give it a shot."

"He could use me for my resources," Kaiba argued without inflection, hands never faltering in their 100 wpm speed. "He could take advantage of my lack of experience and twist me around his fingers. He could decide I'm too much to cope with and leave."

"Pfft, Jounouchi? Like _ he _ would do any of that. He's too... well. Not nice, exactly. Honorable." 

How 'honorable' he was had little bearing on any of it, but Kaiba was not sure Mokuba would understand. Jounouchi wouldn't do any of that _ intentionally_, but he could still do it. With ease. 

Mokuba heaved himself off the couch with a sigh. "I'm going to the thing at Yuugi's later, see everyone before I leave tomorrow. You should come."

Kaiba's fingers paused. "Someone should look after Hungry Burger."

"She can come too," Mokuba called behind him. 

Looking down at the dog who had long since gone to sleep and caused his toes to go to sleep with her, Kaiba nudged the sleepy canine off of him. She blinked woozily up. "What do you think?" Kaiba asked her. 

"Wuf," she said quietly, sounding a little irritated, and immediately went back to sleep on his feet. Kaiba wasn't sure he agreed. 

***

"She's part pitbull, part golden retriever. The people at the shelter said she was there for biting her previous owner, but I did some digging on him and he seemed like a real piece of shit so…" 

After arriving fashionably late, Kaiba stood at the edge of Yuugi's small main room as Hungry Burger was fussed over, Mokuba sitting proudly on the couch behind her. The excited dog couldn't quite figure out where she should be looking, and had decided to cope with this by flopping onto the purple carpet floor and rolling over with her panting head in Honda's lap. He was the one other person she'd met, having tagged along to his garage before. She had gotten over her initial nervousness, paws waggling in the air as Jounouchi and Otogi rubbed her belly, Jounouchi evidently having decided to suspend his dislike of the other if it meant he got to pet a dog. 

Having confessed a small amount of nervousness around dogs (which Kaiba thought rather sensible, given his short stature), Yuugi took up post next to Kaiba. "Congratulations on the win," he said. "I knew you'd work well together."

Kaiba's eyes narrowed as he turned to face him. "How well?" he asked bluntly. 

The King of Games's eyes twinkled in a highly unrealistic manner in response, but he said nothing. 

Groaning, Kaiba resisted the urge to thunk his head against the wall. "What has he told you?" 

"Absolutely nothing. Which is out of character and rather indicative. As was your question, Kaiba," Yuugi answered, lip quirking in a way that proved Jounouchi hadn't completely cornered the market on being absolutely infuriating. 

After a few more minutes of dog admiration, interspersed with leaning in to ask Jounouchi questions in hushed whispers and him hissing back clear refusals to answer, Honda and Otogi announced plans to retire for the night - although this proclamation was slightly betrayed by the fact that they both left in Otogi's car and Jounouchi was told not to wait up. 

"Yuugi, didn't you want to talk about that thing?" Mokuba asked suddenly, swiftly getting up and heading towards Yuugi's room. 

"Ah, yes." Yuugi nodded with the weighty majesty of an ancient king, or perhaps a drinking bird toy, as he followed. "The thing that we must discuss in private," he said far too loudly and with far too much amusement in his voice. 

Kaiba wondered if Jounouchi was getting the same sinking feeling in his chest that he was. Judging by the way he jumped up and wheeled around towards the two retreating forms, he was experiencing something. "If you two _ dare_-" Kaiba started. 

"Sorry Seto, can't hear you," Mokuba sang as Yuugi shut the door behind him, leaving the room quiet but for the whining of a confused dog who didn't understand why the belly rubs had stopped. _ Meddlers,_ Kaiba hissed internally. 

"Man, do you ever feel like everyone is conspiring against you?" Jounouchi sighed. 

"It's not paranoia when they really are out to get you," Kaiba grumbled, as he turned away from glaring at the shut door. Striding across the room, he planted himself cross legged on the couch above his dog, who had never betrayed him like this. For his part, Jounouchi folded back down to the floor and resumed his petting session, much to Hungry Burger's approval. "You'll spoil her," Kaiba warned. 

"Good," Jounouchi said decisively. "You've got money, and if you don't get her a collar with real diamonds and shit I'm reporting you for neglect. She's a good girl and deserves to be spoiled, don't you?" 

Hungry Burger lolled her tongue out and rolled around, which Kaiba knew to mean agreement. She was shedding everywhere, but Kaiba didn't even bother trying to feel bad about it. Jounouchi's sitting position on the floor meant that if he just leaned a little to the right, his head would rest against Kaiba's knee. 

Kaiba got up and clipped Hungry Burger's leash back on. "Come on," he said, and when Jounouchi opened his mouth, some form of indignation forming on his face, Kaiba continued. "I'm going for a smoke. You're joining me."

For once, Jounouchi didn't protest the order, instead hauling himself to his feet and grabbing his jacket. Making their way down the thin, steep stairway and through the closed shop, the three emerged out into the Domino City suburbs at the beginnings of dusk. Kaiba resisted the urge to shake his head at it; it always seemed to be sunset lately, when Jounouchi was around. 

The towering blocks of buildings surrounding them loomed in straight lines and glass in the exact way that the small Turtle Game, with its curves and odd shapes, didn't. The Mutuo family shop had the air of being plucked with dainty fingers out of some child's approximations of what buildings should look like, and Kaiba headed towards the small patch of green next to it, populated with shrubs, trees, and a single bench. Another oddity amongst the concrete and glass, no doubt scooped from the next page of children's drawings. 

Tying the end of the leash around the armrest, Kaiba took up position on the bench. Jounouchi plonked himself next to him, Hungry Burger at their feet, and Kaiba marvelled at the absolute lack of view as he retrieved the e-cig that had amused Jounouchi so much. It amused Kaiba too, if he was honest. Mokuba was very good at gift-giving. Kaiba was planning on getting his own back with a shirt for Mokuba's birthday that read _ I'm so cute I must've been adopted. _

Jounouchi sniffed as he twiddled his thumbs. "Coffee?" he asked, vapour twisting on the breeze to dissolve in the night air. 

"Pralines and cream." 

"Oh." Jounouchi shuffled and twisted on the seat, scuffed shoes dragging through the dirt and twigs beneath, fingers twitching at the pockets of his battered jacket. He'd reapplied his nail polish - still a vibrant cobalt blue - and it was already chipping at the edges. 

"You're out of cigarettes," Kaiba surmised. 

"Yup." Jounouchi drew both of his legs up to hug his knees, no doubt getting dirt from his shoes on the seat. "But just seeing the great Seto Kaiba vape is enough of a high for me." 

"How dull your life must be," Kaiba mused as he blew out a ring. 

"You're telling me," said Jounouchi with raised brows, arms tightening. "I was in a gang, went through all that shit during Battle City, and now I get kicks from editing your Wikipedia."

A few cars drove past, headlamps beaming despite the remaining light, and Hungry Burger got up to sniff around the bench. Kaiba heard the telltale sound of digging off to his left, and sighed with the knowledge that someone would need a bath when they got home. 

"I don't know how to do this," Kaiba acknowledged to the world. It was a small world, consisting entirely of him, his thudding heartbeat, and Jounouchi on a park bench, but a world nevertheless. 

He felt Jounouchi release his grip on his own knees before he responded. "Me neither. But you know how I feel." He kicked his feet around, and there was more than a note of frustration in his voice. "And I'd like an answer at some point."

It would be far easier to get up and leave and never talk to Jounouchi or any of these people again. Kaiba knew it would be safer. Next to him, Jounouchi took another sniff of second-hand vapour. Looking around the darkening park, Kaiba noted that there was no one else around. "You're enjoying it," he stated. 

Pulling a weak grimace, Jounouchi sighed. "You've turned me into a person who enjoys other people's vape smoke. So, thanks for that."

"Would you like to try it?"

Jounouchi's head twitched backwards like a pigeon's. "Oh, I don't- I don't know how they work. I just know that the youth make fun of them.” 

"You're twenty-two."

"And I feel every second of it."

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Open your mouth," he instructed, and brought the dragon's mouth to his own. 

"Wh-" was all Jounouchi managed before Kaiba put his lips on Jounouchi's and breathed into his mouth, raising one hand to wind around the back of his head to keep him there. To Jounouchi's credit, he startled briefly, but he didn't cough. "Huh," Jounouchi said dazedly when they broke apart. "Pralines and cream." Then he sealed his lips to Kaiba's again, bumping the sides of their noses together in the process. 

Kaiba kissed him back. He kissed him at the center of his lips, at the corners, upper and lower, testing, much slower than before. Jounouchi's lips opened and Kaiba attempted to map the inside of his mouth with his tongue - after all, if was to spend any amount of time wandering there Kaiba would like to know where he was going; the scenic routes, the shortcuts, the landmarks. There was the barbell of course, and little ridges and bumps in the warm, wet skin, presumably from chewing at it, but Kaiba's first ever cartography project was made a little difficult by the lack of cooperation from his subject. It kept grinning against him. 

"Still feel like you're losing?" Jounouchi pulled back to ask with a breathy voice. "I agree I’m winning, but considering that we're a tag-team now…"

Kaiba considered this. He wasn't dead, he could tell that much, even with his eyes closed: he could feel the light breeze on his skin, doing little to cool how hot he felt; Jounouchi's soft hair and skin under his fingers and palms; the strangely cold residual burn from where Jounouchi's lips had touched his own; his pulse vibrating against Jounouchi's fingers on his neck, no longer a beat but rapid static in his arteries. All in all, he felt very much alive. 

Kaiba decided, there and then, that he had never turned down a challenge from Jounouchi, and he wasn't going to start now. "I suppose an argument could be made for dual victory," he finally conceded. 

When Kaiba opened his eyes to look at Jounouchi, that insufferable, asinine, vivacious, stupidly attractive grin of his was spreading across his face like butter melting across a hot pan. "Ha. Dual," he said gleefully, ever eloquent, and his mouth was hot on Kaiba’s when he kissed him again. 

Eventually, Hungry Burger's insistent head pressing into Kaiba's legs alerted him to the fact that it was in fact quite late. He could feel Jounouchi's eyes on him all the way through the short walk back to Turtle Game and supposed that was just another thing he was going to have to get used to. It was only fair. Kaiba could now admit he spent a fair amount of time staring at Jounouchi when he wasn't looking as well. 

Entering Yuugi's living room again, they found Yuugi and Mokuba testing some game of Yuugi's own design, and Yuugi's grandfather sipping tea as he watched with a small smile on his face.

"Gramps!" Jounouchi greeted him with a big smile, and leaned his chair to hug him while Kaiba stood awkwardly to the side, unsure on what the protocol was. He had seen Sugoroku Mutuo a few times over the past few months on occasions where he picked Yuugi up for their regular lunch meetings, but they hadn't exchanged words, simply nodding at each other. Kidnapping someone and then giving them a heart attack as a first meeting tended to make things somewhat awkward years down the line. 

"Good to see you again, Jou," the elderly man chuckled. "I hear you took America by storm."

"No duelist is a match for the Great and Manly Jounouchi," Jounouchi responded with a grin, puffing his chest out with his hands on his hips. "Besides, I had help."

Mutuo followed the thumb Jounouchi jabbed in Kaiba's direction. "That explains it," he said, solemn nodding betrayed by the crinkle around his eyes at Jounouchi's annoyed huff as he threw his hands in the air. 

As Jounouchi moved along to talk to Yuugi, the silence between Kaiba and the elderly man wasn't strained, but mildly uncomfortable nevertheless. "Mutuo," Kaiba greeted in a measured tone. "You seem well."

"I am as well as I can hope to be, at this age," Mutuo responded, weary but not upset. Hungry Burger came over to sniff at him, and his hands hovered, restrained, at the intrusion. 

"She won't mind," Kaiba told him, and Mutuo cautiously rubbed a hand over the dog's head. Her tail was getting a lot of exercise that evening; Kaiba wouldn't be surprised if she sprained it. As he cast his eyes about the room, they caught and focused on the picture frame hanging on the opposite wall: a simple, black frame, approximately ten inches tall and five inches wide; containing a single, torn up, pieced-back-together Blue-Eyes White Dragon. It occurred to Kaiba that there was something he'd never told the elderly Mutuo. "I am sorry," Kaiba let himself say as the elderly man calmly pet his dog, "for what I did to you."

Mutou's hands stilled briefly, before resuming. "That is good to hear," he said. "You won't be surprised to hear I have been skeptical at Yuugi's insistence on your change, but he has generally proved to be right about these things."

"Your grandson has too much faith in people," Kaiba muttered. 

Mutuo chuckled, watching Jounouchi splutter at something Mokuba had said. "Or just the right amount. Still," he sighed, "a kidnapping or two in one's life makes for building character, although I am glad I haven't had the pleasure of such an experience in years."

_What?! _thought Kaiba. "What?!" said Kaiba. 

It must have been a loud exclamation, because the three others immediately stopped talking and turned to look at him. Kaiba was vaguely aware of Mutuo's bemused expression at the outburst, but he had quickly become laser-focused on the looks of freezing, wide-eyed, guilty, _ oh shit _panic that had appeared on Mokuba and Yuugi's faces. Well, Yuugi looked slightly guilty. Mokuba didn't look repentant at all. 

"Mutuo," Kaiba said, calm and measured as can be, "how attached are you to your grandson's life?" Mokuba, the brat, actually started sniggering in the silence that followed. "I'm killing you too," Kaiba hissed at him, and he just laughed louder. 

Jounouchi twisted and turned to look at everyone's faces in his bewilderment, and Hungry Burger did much the same. "I'm missing something here. What am I missing? Guys?" he whined. 

Mutuo looked equally puzzled. "All I did was mention I haven't been kidnapped in ye-" 

"WHAT?" shouted Jounouchi, and was immediately just as incensed as Kaiba was. "You people are _ dead_, you hear me? _ Dead." _

Yuugi leaned back in his chair, and the resemblance to an unrepentant cat was remarkable. "I win," he said smugly, and oh, how Kaiba hated losing against Yuugi. 

He also found himself being yanked towards the exit by Jounouchi's hand on his arm as he shouted at the two machiavellian wolves masquerading as innocent sheep. "Fuck you all!" Jounouchi raged. "I am leaving now, with my _ boyfriend_, who I can _ actually trust_, and then maybe tomorrow when I'm not jet lagged to shit I'm gonna kill you!" 

Kaiba supposed it would have been rather useless to not tell anyone. Everyone else seemed to have known before they did. The utter absurdity of the situation made Kaiba feel dizzy and warm, like he was on a rollercoaster; like he was on a jet plane going at 570 knots with the air conditioning and the beaming sun overhead fighting for dominance; like he was dueling someone who used both brilliant and non-existent strategies that he couldn't quite predict. 

Jounouchi continued to rant as they made their way down the stairs. "Are you kidding me? I was worried! I was worried, and then guilty for not being worried 'cause I was too busy thinking about you! Fucking assholes…" 

They stumbled down and out into the violet sunset, and a breeze ruffled the messy symphony of Jounouchi's blonde hair. The gentle light of dusk glowed on his skin; his jaw was enhanced by the shadows, and his eyes were dark and vibrant, but most of all Kaiba enjoyed the sight of Jounouchi's ever dramatic expressions. If he were to press his jaw shut with a finger, Kaiba imagined it would make a satisfying click. 

"They planned this! They planned it! The suit- that's how he got the suits so quick! Bastards- I'm so mad. Let's go, let's just go, my place or yours I don't care I just really want to blow you again and- are you _ smiling?" _

So when Jounouchi, panting, finally turned to look at Kaiba mid-rant, he was surprised by what he saw. "You're smiling," Jounouchi repeated, incredulity in his abrasive voice, and if this was what losing could feel like, perhaps Kaiba should try it more often.

Kaiba couldn't help it; he laughed. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what can i tell u. jounouchi is 100% into sonic the hedgehog. this is entirely unrelated to the fact that i am also into sonic the hedgheog. the movie coming out has really reactivated that part of my brain i have to say
> 
> next chapter: an epilogue


	15. What Happens to Losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue.

Being in a relationship with Jounouchi, _ dating _ Jounouchi, was both easier and harder than Kaiba had thought it would be. Once given the green light, Jounouchi wanted to dive in headfirst: ice cream dates (Kaiba was lactose-intolerant); linking arms as they walked (physically impractical); telling everyone they knew (everyone already knew). At least the suggestion of matching tattoos had been a joke, even if it had been the light-tone-of-voice-but-odd-look-in-eyes type of joke. Kaiba wanted to test the waters before leaping in: getting to know each other (they had known each other for years); ignoring Jounouchi's non-urgent texts for at least thirty minutes to feel like he was in control (it didn't work); arguing with himself late at night over whether or not he was capable of doing this (he was Seto Kaiba, he was capable of anything). 

***

It was the first of July when the package arrived. Kaiba noted the Industrial Illusions stamp on the thick A4 cardboard envelope, knew Jounouchi would be mad if he opened it by himself, and promptly did so anyway. Not that Jounouchi would have any right to be angry, as it was evident by his stomping into the mansion later in the evening, waving an identical envelope of his own, that he had done the exact same thing. 

"Okay, I know I should've waited 'til I got here to open it, but my bus got delayed and- you already opened yours didn't you," Jounouchi greeted as he burst into the kitchen, where Kaiba sat ready for his arrival and inevitable desire for sustenance. 

Kaiba continued his re-examination of the card and card tokens he had received as he ate yakiniku doritos using chopsticks, a habit which Jounouchi made fun of him for, but he'd rather not get the dust on his fingers. He wondered if Pegasus had painted the art himself. "Obviously. I haven't even the excuse of the boredom of a five minute bus wait."

"Shut up," Jounouchi said, digging his hand into the chip bag and shoving as much as he could into his mouth at once. "Anyway, can you believe this shit?" He waved his own card around in the air. 

"What's not to believe?" Kaiba carefully took another chip, still analysing. He wondered how much brainstorming this card had taken to make. 

Jounouchi became, if anything, even more indignant. "A ‘specially designed card that symbolises our bond’?!" 

Kaiba smirked. Not a big smirk, but a smirk. He'd been as infuriated as Jounouchi when he'd first seen the cards, but time heals all wounds. Besides, a petulant Jounouchi could be rather entertaining. "Oh? You don't think we are effectively symbolised by," he held up his card to read it for dramatic effect, "_ Cock of the Water _? I'd have thought you'd appreciate the recognition of our accomplishments." 

The card art showed a dramatic, dynamic, exquisitely painted scene of two chickens in a shower. It was a trap card, and its description read: 

_ Special Summon "Water-Chicken Tokens" (Winged Beast-Type/WATER/Level 4/ATK 0/DEF 0) _ _ in defense position in every unoccupied Monster Zone on the field. _

Each had come with five _ Water-Chicken Token _ cards. The art for those showed showerheads spraying chicken shaped water droplets. Pegasus had clearly put a great deal of thought into designing them. 

Jounouchi was not appeased. "It should be a fusion dragon!" he argued. "I have a Red-Eyes, you have Blue-Eyes, we should _ clearly _ get a Purple-Eyes fusion dragon."

"Violet-Eyes," Kaiba responded absentmindedly. It might be a jab, but _ Cock of the Water _ could potentially be useful - a quick way of getting monsters for tributes and providing a wall against direct attacks (funny, how that part wouldn't work against Toon World). But it would do the same for the opponent, and prevent the summoning of Monsters with levels lower than five. Interesting. The question was if it was more useful than what he already had in his deck. 

Pausing in his crunching, Jounouchi tapped his copy of the card on the table and cocked his head. "Violet?" he queried. "Purple not fancy enough for you?" 

Kaiba took another chip. "Thinner letters. Saves space on the card."

Blinking, Jounouchi processed this argument. "You've thought about this," he stated. 

"We do have matching dragons. It was the logical assumption."

Jounouchi grinned as he leaned forward with his chin on his palm. "Yeah, but you thought about the semantics. Kinda romantic, violet," he said, and popped another chip into his mouth. "Flowery. Symbolic."

"Stinking."

There was something indulgent about Jounouchi's grin. "I love it when you talk dirty."

Even after just a month together, Kaiba was very aware of that fact. Rolling his eyes he stood from his seat, making sure to stretch in a slightly exaggerated manner before gathering his cards and his Duel Disk. He didn't bother indicating for Jounouchi to follow him. Such a gesture was unnecessary, especially when Jounouchi had turned up with his own Duel Disk ready on his arm. 

***

One night, lazily drawing circles on Jounouchi's abdomen with his index finger, Kaiba leaned on one elbow as he waited for him to become functional again. His gaze wandered on its regular constitutional, travelling from Jounouchi's fluttering eyelashes, to his thoroughly reddened neck, to to the steady rise and fall of his chest as his breathing evened out. With wry amusement, Kaiba examined his own wrinkled fingers. It had taken time, but eventually he'd managed to make Jounouchi so frustrated with Kaiba kissing and biting and talking in his ear, hands roaming but staying strictly above board, that he'd let out an angry groan and grabbed Kaiba's hand to shove it down his underwear himself. 

A minute later Jounouchi, started snickering. Seeing Kaiba's raised eyebrow, he commented, "well, I wouldn't exactly call that _knee_ _deep_ in pussy, but…" and cut himself off laughing before demanding that they do it again but with Kaiba in his ass as well. 

***

It was August when KaibaCorp held the bi-annual KC Grand Prix. Jounouchi made it to the quarter-finals. Mai made it to the semis - in the Grand Prix at least. Much to Kaiba's chagrin, she claimed first place when it came to motorcycle racing, and he had to pay for drinks afterwards. He took solace in the discovery that Isis was even worse at handling her wine than he was, and crowed in victory when he won their four-way Duel Monsters match before deciding it was an excellent idea to go to sleep on Jounouchi's shoulder. 

Mokuba, on break from his studies, was not happy about being the designated driver. 

***

They argued a great deal, mostly over things of little consequence, but sometimes not. Kaiba ate and slept too little, was accused of being a workaholic who cared for nothing but his company. Jounouchi pushed too hard, demanded too much, was accused of being a layabout who couldn't commit to any work at all. They broke it off a few times, and one time they even managed to stay broken off for an entire month. 

Kaiba started giving his more senior employees more autonomy, and skipped breakfast a little less often. Jounouchi started a college course on social welfare, and knuckled down harder than he had in high school, using chopsticks to eat cheetos as he studied. 

Jounouchi's single bed would become rather cramped with two people in it, but they managed. It became even more cramped when a small, not particularly stealthy cat would climb onto them during the night, but Mitsurugi would always be gone again by morning - unlike Hungry Burger, who took great care in nosing them both awake in the mornings. 

***

It was late May again when they went back to Eagle Peak Springs; not competing in Battle Paradise this time, but their reappearance causing a stir all the same. Somehow, Pegasus and his assembled hordes coerced them into commentating, but quickly changed their minds once Kaiba and Jounouchi actually started speaking into microphones. 

Breaking through the surface of the lake with an undignified splash, Jounouchi spat water out of his mouth. "It's gotta be around here somewhere," he said, determined despite the fact that he’d been attempting to find what could, at this point, be termed a quest item for nearly half an hour. Jounouchi, sentimental idiot that he was, insisted on it. After all, he never had gotten his swim. 

Kaiba, sitting with one leg folded over the other in the boat, paperback open in hand, had his doubts. "It's been a year. I'm sure that you both remember exactly where in this lake you threw it and-"

Jounouchi interrupted him by blowing a raspberry and diving back down. Sighing, Kaiba took in his surroundings: the trees, the mountains, the sufficiently clear sky. The pair of rather conspicuous paparazzi watching them from the shore, where gentle waves lapped in the light breeze.

Twenty seconds later - because the universe loved laughing at Kaiba - a filthy, gold, heart shaped and lake-weed covered trophy was dropped with a clunk at Kaiba's foot. 

Impressive. Jounouchi was lucky this area was shallow. They both stared at the object for a while, Jounouchi leaning over the side of the small boat and causing it to dip precariously, Kaiba’s weight stopping it from properly flipping over. Water dripped from his fingers, from his nose, his chin, from everywhere, making his skin glitter in the midday sun. The static Jounouchi emitted was still there, still overwhelming - but not in the way it used to be, the way that machine gun fire, or being on a small boat in a storm, or a room of board members is overwhelming; rather in the way that a homemade cookie, or a field of lavender at dusk, or someone saying _I saw this and thought of you _is overwhelming. 

A faint rumble of a car attracted their attention. Looking back to shore they were greeted with the sight of Anzu pulling into a parking spot, exiting her car, and promptly wailing on the two photographers with a righteous fury.

“We could give them a show,” Jounouchi mused, and when Kaiba turned back to him he had a glint in his eyes. “Now that they can’t get anything out of it.”

Kaiba regarded him as if he were setting a trap card. Then he regarded the cheap paperback in his hands that he wasn’t particularly intrigued by, his clothes, which he had picked because he wasn’t attached to them, and his pockets, which he had emptied before setting out on the water. “You have something in mind, I presume,” he said, as if he couldn’t figure out exactly what Jounouchi was about to do. 

Jounouchi leaned up to kiss him, and he even managed a millisecond of contact before the resulting weight shift caused the boat to tip over and for Kaiba to plunge into the lake. The trophy went with him, and Jounouchi had to go hunting all over again. 

***

Names were a difficult conversation topic with so much weight being put behind them. Publicly, they called each other as they always had. Privately, they were experimental. Jounouchi tried _ Kaiba _ , _ Kaibs _ , _ Seto _ . Once he tried _ Set _ , which went down terribly. Kaiba left it up to his preference, but privately had a soft spot for _ Kaibs. _Jounouchi was the only person who ever called him by such an absurdly mundane nickname. 

As for Kaiba, he tried _ Jounouchi _ , _ Jou _ , even _ Katsuya _ . _ Kat _ , he had absolutely hated - too close to a name that wasn't his, which was how he'd gotten away with picking Katsuya in the first place - but _ Katsuya _ itself always rewarded Kaiba with something of a fluster, never being used by anyone else. Kaiba elected to use it on special occasions. _ Jou _ was used regularly, but Jounouchi said he liked hearing Kaiba say all the syllables. Then again, he'd followed that by saying he liked hearing Kaiba say pretty much anything. 

***

It was a hazy, heated July when Kaiba personally accompanied the delivery of the new Duel Monsters stock to Turtle Game. He had talked about the release with no one but Pegasus, having gone to him with gritted teeth and a business proposal in January, and suffered through the subsequent meetings with what he felt was a great display of patience. 

Sugoroku Mutuo greeted him at the door, and Kaiba didn't feel nervous as he carried the first box inside and waited entirely patiently for the elderly man to find the scissors, carefully cut the packing tape, and open the package. 

Mutuo carefully extracted the first _Legend of Blue-Eyes_ _White Dragon _booster box, and Kaiba felt a rush of excitement just looking at it. He helped put up the posters and set out the merchandise himself. When Yuugi walked through the door and saw it all, Kaiba was unable to escape the hug that hurtled towards him at 100 mph.

"I thought you didn't want anyone to use them against you," Mutuo commented after brewing them some tea, holding up a newly minted _ Blue-Eyes White Dragon _up to the light, turning it this way and that as he admired the new artwork. 

Kaiba had been dueling with his signature monsters without support cards for years, and with the new releases his deck would be even stronger. He scoffed into his cup before taking a sip. "They can _ try. _"

Besides, Kaiba wasn’t afraid of a challenge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy balls i finished it. i havent even finished watching the show yet. 
> 
> well i hope u had at least half as much fun reading it as i did writing it. thank u for all the comments, they rly do keep me going. thank u to my two beta readers [LordAxxington](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordAxxington/pseuds/LordAxxington) and [waterfallliam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterfallliam/pseuds/waterfallliam), neither of whom watch yugioh and have both of whom have suffered my ranting and made amusing faces upon being told some of the wilder yugioh lore. 
> 
> my twitter is now kaiba_txt and my tumblr is dominocity. see u folks again when i post the prequel i wrote which isnt nearly as long and is essentially some good old fashioned repression

**Author's Note:**

> did u know i made a playlist? i made a [playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5Xp5hjLnDgai5KfArw8pQR?si=b_xaY8V9QhSLND50mOZ4vQ) it's good


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